


The Love Fairy's Apprentice

by Cypher_DS



Series: TrioPop [1]
Category: HuniePop (Video Game)
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Innuendo, Magic, Matchmaking, Secret Crush, Secret Identity, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6260338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cypher_DS/pseuds/Cypher_DS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tiffany accidentally injures a fairy from Sky Garden it's up to the resourceful cheerleader to take up the job of bringing love to the loveless. Tiffany has always kept work and play at a fine balance but can she maintain a professional distance when her best friends show up on her client list? Rated for Audrey's mouth and Kyu's innuendo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro Cutscene

“If my life was a Cinderella story…”

It was 9:30 pm at the Nutmeg café; the after-dinner coffee crowd had long since filtered out, leaving a peaceful quiet for the university students who needed caffeine and free wi-fi to complete their assignments.  Tiffany and her friends had claimed a corner booth; lattes, pastries and homework papers spread over the table while they swapped gossip and physics questions.  The task at hand was for Tiffany’s _Fables and Mythology_ English credit: examine a classic fairy tale studied during the term and update it for the modern day, with an accompanying four-page rationale for the changes made.  Each friend took their turn pitching revisions, with Audrey butting in first:

“Okay, so the prince is throwing this sick-ass rave and when the stepmom tells her she can’t go, Cinderella’s like ‘fuck this shit’ and sneaks out anyway.  Oh, and she doesn’t lose her shoe at the party; she leaves her panties behind.”

Nikki, the youngest of the group, poked her head out from behind the protective bunker of her laptop.  “How about, when the stepmother tries to keep Cinderella from going to the ball Cinderella’s totally cool with it, because all the people at the party are total douchebags, and she’d rather stay at home and play video games than spend her evening pretending to have fun with those jerks.”

“Lame!” Audrey snorted.  “Well, what about you, Tiff?  We’re not writing this crappy report for you!”

“If I wrote a modern day Cinderella …” Tiffany, blonde hair pulled into twin-tails, took a thoughtful sip of her coffee.

“First off, the stepmother wouldn’t be wicked, but she would be thoughtless and forgetful – someone you could never rely on.  And she’d have a drinking problem.  Instead of going to the prince’s ball, the stepmother would host the party; in fact, she’d throw parties so often that Cinderella would get frustrated by all the noise, all the strange grown-ups coming and going and acting like total idiots.  When her Fairy Godmother appears and offers Cinderella a wish, she’d ask her godmother to help her study hard at school so she could earn a university scholarship and get away from that awful house … and that awful mother.”

Tiffany looked from her drink to her friends, both startled by the serious glare that had crept over her face.

“That would be my Cinderella story.”

“Holy shit, Tiff – your prof only wants a 100-word summary.  I know you’re in love with school and all but you don’t have to be a try-hard about it.”

Tiffany laughed and went along with the jab, thankful that Audrey had deflected the subject.  “Well, I think it’s important to put your best effort into every assignment; that way, if you do bomb a test you’ve got good work to cushion the blow, right?”

“Since we’re bringing up bombs…” Nikki slid two papers across the table. “I finished going over your physics problems.”  Tiffany was relieved to see only two or three problems circled for corrections.  Audrey had snatched and hidden her paper immediately but even if Tiffany hadn’t spied the field of angry circles and adjusted equations her friend’s dumbfounded scowl would have told everything.

“Seriously?” the red-head moaned.  “Shit, how do you know all this anyway?  You’re not even going to university!”

“I don’t need to go to university to teach myself _physics_ ,” Nikki retorted, as though linear kinematics were as basic as addition.  “And anyway, school is a waste of time.”

Audrey raised her latte in a mock toast.  “At least we agree on that much.”  Nikki hesitated, but then returned the gesture with her own spiced cider, and Tiffany enjoyed the small moment of camaraderie between her two very opposite friends.

The alarm on her phone beeped and broke the moment.  “Oh my gosh, it’s quarter to ten!  I’ve got to get going!”

“Riiight, don’t wanna be late and wake up the ‘roommate’.”  Audrey said, adding air quotes as she spoke.  “What was her name again?”

“Her name is Kyu.  Kyu Jones.” 

Audrey and Nikki exchanged glances.

“That is such a fake name.”

“Yeah!  Y’know, we don’t give a shit if you wanna keep ditching us,” Audrey chimed.  “But you don’t have to make up an imaginary friend just to get away.”

“I am not making this up,” Tiffany protested.  She really did have a roommate, a brunette with a pixie cut and a mischievous grin constantly plastered over her face.

“Well I’ve never heard of a chick named ‘Kyu’ on campus,” Audrey snorted.

“She’s not a student.  Kyu says she’s a – oh, what was it? – a relationship therapist.  A psychiatrist, I guess.”  Tiffany sat back down.  She knew her friends were right to be skeptical; the more she thought about her roommate, the more trouble _she_ had swallowing the story.

“It’s weird … I’ve asked her where she works, but she never gives me a straight answer.  Something about visiting her clients at their homes. … And she’s supposed to be a doctor, but she doesn’t seem to own any psychiatry books or bring home any work papers.”  Kyu’s half of the room was peculiarly bare – empty bookshelves, a blank office desk, and nothing but clothes hangers dangling in her half of the closet.  Whatever possessions she owned were kept in the pink knapsack she always took to work in the morning, leaving the impression that Tiffany truly was alone in her apartment.  Of course, that was just the surface …

“One time, while she was out,” Tiffany confided, “I needed to borrow some white-out, so I checked her desk drawers.”  She leaned closer; this was the embarrassing part.  “Her desk was crammed full of magazines and dvds.  They were all pornography!”

Audrey slapped the table, laughing herself to stitches.  “Oh my god, your roommate is a porn addict?  Holy shit, what a loser!  I mean, you’ve gotta be seriously ugly or desperate if you need porn to get off!  Right, Nikki?”

“Huh?  Oh, I guess…”  The bluenette tried to act casual but Tiffany caught the blush in her cheek, and she recognized the embarrassed backpedalling on a laptop keyboard her mother had perfected – the quick swivel and click of a mousepad, minimizing and hiding windows before an impressionable young girl could see the filth you were engaged in.  _Oh Nikki…_

“Look you two, just don’t go spreading any of this, okay?  I don’t want people thinking I’m weird because of my roommate’s … habits.”

“Hey, whatever floats her boat,” Audrey laughed.  “All I’m saying is that when I wanna see some dick, I don’t need to waste my time on crappy pictures in a magazine.”  Audrey stretched her arms above her head and yawned like a well-pleased kitten.  “The guy I picked up last night?  We did it three times.”

Nikki spat up her drink.  “Aw gross, Audrey.  Like we really need to hear that shit.”

“What?  Someone’s gotta make up for the stink of virginity at this table.”

Tiffany winced as well, but more out of concern for her promiscuous friend.  “Audrey, all these guys you … ‘hook up’ with.  You are using protection, right?”

“Protec -?”  Audrey’s scrunched eyebrows betrayed a rare look of confusion; then her face clamped up and she blasted Tiffany.  “What do I look like, a fucking dumbass?  You think I’m gonna let myself get knocked up and turned into some bloated-ass baby momma saddled with a whiny-ass little kid?”  She crossed her arms indignantly.  “Of course I use … protection!”

Nikki smelled a rat.  “Uh huh?  What condom brand?”

“Shut the fuck up, _Nicole_.  Nobody asked you.”

 _It’s not just about pregnancy,_ Tiffany thought, but she knew when to accept a partial victory.  “Well, I’m glad to hear that.  It’s not easy for children from unplanned, single-mother families.”  _I should know…_

“Know what?” Nikki asked.

“Uh, I mean –” _Shoot_ , had she said that aloud?  “Uh, well, you know – you meet all sorts of families as a babysitter, right?”  Even Audrey found that excuse odd.  _Oh god, please don’t tell me I’m tearing up…_

Tiffany tossed her backpack over her shoulder.  “I’ve gotta go.  Roommate and all.”  The ‘and all’ being how uncomfortably close to home this discussion was becoming.  “I’ll see you in class tomorrow, Audrey.  Have a good night, Nikki!”

Their friend moved so quickly she nearly plowed over a frightened barista in her hurry to get out of the café.  The front door chimes jangled wildly and Tiffany disappeared into the night, leaving Audrey and Nikki completely mystified as to the blonde’s sudden behaviour.

“What the fuck was that about?”

“I dunno…”

They stared blankly across the table, each waiting for the other to move the conversation forward.  No luck – their verbal dance had stumbled clumsily, stopped completely, and the silence descending over the booth was of the awkward variety: the silence of two people realizing they had absolutely nothing in common, nothing to talk about and nothing to do.

Audrey hated silence.

“So … You wanna get high?”

Nikki shot her a glare she reserved for cockroaches and casual gamers.  “Don’t you have some math to correct?”

Audrey slumped back in her seat, wondering if it wasn’t too late to invent her own fake roommate.

* * *

Power-walking through the cool autumn air was a great relief; Tiffany could blame her elevated pace for the hot flush in her cheeks and so long as she ducked her head under the street lights no one could see the stinging wetness in her eyes.  _God, I sounded so naïve back there._

Every conjured thought of her mysterious roommate served as kindling for that embarrassing heat.  No possessions, an ill-defined job, questionable habits – just one of these facts should have set off red warning flags.  _I let a complete stranger into my life; what is wrong with me?_

Kyu had bounded into her life four weeks ago with the start of the fall term and the renewal of her rental contract.  Lodgings, like all things in her life, needed to be kept at a fine balance.  As much as Tiffany enjoyed campus life she knew the dormitories were no place for a young girl serious about her studies, so she found a small duplex just ten minutes’ walk from campus.  The older couple who lived on the ground floor were happy to rent their second story to such a responsible and promptly-paying young woman, and Tiffany had enjoyed a wonderful year with her ‘adoptive’ family.

She’d been geared up to renew her rent when her landowners approached her with a proposal – would she mind splitting the upstairs property with a roommate? 

A brunette about her age was in desperate need of a place to stay and she had her sights set on Tiffany’s apartment.  Miss Jones had even hunted down Tiffany with a proposal: they would split the rent 70-30, with Kyu taking the lion’s share of the burden; she would even pay to buy a new bed and furnishings for her ‘roomie’.

“I’m pretty generous, aren’t I?” the brunette smiled, offering her hand. “Whaddya say, Cheerleader?  You and me?”

Tiffany had shook on the deal.  She made good money teaching children’s swimming lessons and babysitting on the side, but it was always good to have a surplus, considering how expensive textbooks were becoming.  The deal was nothing short of miraculous and Kyu was an agreeable roommate – if distant.  Like, ‘leave first thing in the morning and only come back to sleep’ distant.  Like, ‘we’ve never really sat down and had a conversation beyond the weather’ distant.  Like ‘oh my god, I don’t even have my own roommate’s phone number for emergencies and I think she’s using a fake name’ distant!  Audrey and Nikki’s taunting made her cheeks flush with embarrassment.  Just who was this relentlessly cheerful girl with the impish green eyes, and what persona did she hope to keep up by hiding out with an honours student and her kindly old landowners?  _What if she’s a drug dealer or a hacker or …_ Tiffany shuddered … _someone like Jessica?_  

Well, she would be keeping a close eye on this “Ms. Jones” from now on; ready to unleash the full weight of the law at the first sign of anything criminal or adult oriented.

With that resolution stamped into her mind, Tiffany could ease her pace and enjoy the starry night sky.  Her thoughts swirled around her literature assignment and a new fairy tale came to mind: _Goldilocks and the Three Bears_.  She imagined Little Miss Locks as a college student, enrolling at Glenberry campus and muddling her way into the neighbourhood café, where a bizarre trio of girls would perplex her senses.

 _The first girl was too hot_.  Audrey, always dressing in flashy Lolita lace and ribbons, a candy wrapper wardrobe hiding the jawbreaker inside.  Always partying late, always stumbling into class with thick sunglasses and the smell of smoke in her hair.  One bad party, one rotten hook-up from burning out.

 _The next girl was too cold_.  Nikki, her greasy blue hair and baggy sweaters signalling that she had no desire for social interaction.  Always sitting behind that laptop and shutting out the world, never venturing a word unless somebody spoke to her.  If she disappeared, would anyone but two casual friends realize she was missing?

 _The last girl was just right,_ but that observation only ran skin deep.  Tiffany was proud of her accomplishments – her 4.2 GPA, her cheerleading, her volunteer work; but tonight’s conversation had come dangerously close to unearthing a past she worked hard to keep buried and gone.  Images of an older blonde woman flashed to mind.  Cinderella was free, but the wicked stepmother carried a long reach.  Still, she was relatively blessed when comparing her life against her friends.

 _If anyone needed a fairy godmother, it’s those two_ , Tiffany reflected.  Someone who could find a prince charming that would stabilize those girls from their destructive extremes.  She’d made matchmaker offers before – she was on good terms with the football team and had quite a few phone numbers of sweet but “not her type” suitors – but Audrey had laughed her down, while Nikki only hunched further into her computer.

And if they wouldn’t take relationship advice from a pretty and popular A-plus student, it would take someone extraordinary to convince them otherwise.

Tiffany found herself on her home street and looked for lights indicating Kyu’s presence.  Instead, she froze in her tracks.  The overhang just outside their bedroom window … a black figure crouched atop it, peering through the glass!  Her skin broke out in a terror sweat.  _A burglar?  A peeping tom?_   She had to call the police, she had to get help, she had to –

Fury gnashed down her eyebrows.  No, there was no time!  Her landlords, her roommate, they could all be in danger!  One hand clutched her cell phone, the other scanned the lawn for small stones.  All she could find were dead branches knocked down by last night’s storm but that was good enough.  Tiffany held the longest at her ear like a javelin and raced towards the house.

“Hey you!  Get down from there, you pervert!”  Her wooden missile flew short, jangling against roof shingles but it was enough to startle the shadowy intruder.  The figure spun around, lost her footing and, uttering a high-pitched cry of fright, skidded off the roof and slammed back-first into the concrete walkway.

The intruder – the woman, Tiffany noted – lay still.  _Omigod, she’s dead!_   No – wait, a sudden twitch, a low moan.  No longer scared for her life but frightened for the intruder’s, Tiffany jogged up and shone her smartphone flashlight over the splayed body.

“Ohh…” the shadow moaned.  “Mayday, mayday … fairy down…”

“Kyu?” 

Tiffany was half-sure.  The face, the green eyes were Kyu’s, but why was her hair suddenly pink?  Why was she wearing such scandalous lingerie, and – most importantly – why were half-shattered insect wings squirming from the girl’s back?

There was no time for answers.  Kyu howled in pain and clutched her chest, bawling “Oh shit!  Shit, it hurts!  Aww, it hurts!” When Tiffany only froze in panic, her roommate paused and leveled a disappointed glare.

“This is the part where you call an ambulance, Cheerleader.”

Kyu went back to writhing in agony; Tiffany woke and punched in 911, letting her first-aid training guide her automatically.

“Please, I need an ambulance!  We have a possible spinal injury.  Victim is an adult –” She paused, unsure how to classify the mangled body.  Adult female?  Adult humanoid lifeform?  Adult creature with a propensity for emitting ‘bump’ at the midnight hour?

Kyu’s continued howling settled the matter.

“The victim’s my friend.  Please … please help her!”

 


	2. Character Creation

The paramedics took Tiffany’s statement but wouldn’t let her ride along; wouldn’t let her visit her roommate until the following afternoon so that by visiting hours she was a baggy-eyed wreck of a woman, weary with guilt and tears.  The supervising doctor read her Kyu’s injuries: left shoulder, dislocated; left arm and wrist, broken; right femur, broken.  The list made Tiffany wince with guilt.  She felt like a criminal before a judge being read her list of crimes.

“Miraculously, no spinal injuries, but we’re keeping her under observation and in a neck brace just to be certain.  You can see her now, but try to keep it quick; she needs her rest.”

The look on her roommate’s face was foul and furious but everything else was as Tiffany remembered it.  Brown hair in a boyish pixie cut, slender limbs built for a gymnast, and – oh yes – a back completely devoid of any additional limbs.

“Cheerleader,” Kyu said, a curt greeting.  She was seated upright in her stretcher, blankets thrust aside so that Tiffany could see the plaster casts and ugly green hospital gown she’d been confined to.

“Um, h-hi, Kyu.  I’m so sorry about last night.  Um, I brought you some flowers.”

Kyu reached her left hand for the bouquet of daisies before remembering her appendage was reduced to a claw-like stump of bandaging.  Her right hand snatched the golden flowers and slam dunked them into the waste bin.

“Flowers?  You knock me off a roof, you bust my body up like a china doll and you think you can buy me off with your stupid human flowers?”  With startling speed, Kyu seized Tiffany’s collar and yanked the girl close, shaking her plaster stump in the blonde girl’s face.

“My left hand!” she hissed.  “I haven’t been able to use this hand all night!  I’m going stir crazy, man!  Cold sweats, blurry vision!  I keep paging for room service but all that’s good for is food!”

Being shaken like a rag doll was making Tiffany dizzy.  “I’m … sorry?  Um … You know, back in seventh grade I fell off the school bleachers and broke my writing hand.  The resource teacher hired an EA to write down my exam answers for me.  If it’s for your work, I’m sure we could –”

Kyu pushed her away, disgusted.  “Yeah, my writing hand.  Let’s go with that,” and she grumbled something about being ‘always assigned to nuns’.

Tiffany turned away and dabbed at her eyes.  This was going as miserably as expected: Kyu hated her and it was all her fault!  Her ex-roommate must have noticed her sniffling because she gave a tired groan.

“Oh gods, no crying, okay?  I’m fine, see?  Nothing a little bed rest and some physio with a sexy therapist won’t fix. … C’mon, turn around, Cheerleader.”

Tiffany did, accepting a tissue from Kyu’s beside box.  “Last night, I thought I – I mean, I thought you were –”

“Ah yes.  _That_.  Well, might as well skip to the exposition.  Close the blinds around the bed, Cheerleader.  I don’t think I can manage the ‘invisible girl’ routine with this headache.”

Tiffany obeyed, and while she wheeled shut the privacy screens Kyu untied the laces of her hospital gown.  She swiped a hand through her hair and tossed her locks like a hairspray model, making her brown mop explode and lengthen into the sugary pink strands from last night.  Kyu shook her head and a warm gleam seemed to radiate from her skin.  Finally, the wings: roots like icicles squeezed from along her spine and blossomed into magnificent crystalline butterfly wings.

Or rather, clipped butterfly wings.  The left one was punched full of holes and crumpled up like a trashed candy wrapper.  The right one was just gone.  It stopped growing after the icicle base.  _I wasn’t seeing things!_ Tiffany gasped.  Kyu really was … something!  Something not human!  Something … angelic!  With a wave of revulsion, Tiffany realized that she had maimed this ethereal being; plucked its wings and land-locked this creature of the skies.

Kyu picked up on this horror and waved her good arm in dismissal.

“They’re like fingernails,” she explained.  “You have to trim them regularly and they grow back over time.”

“Oh … that’s good.”

“They’re like fingernails,” Kyu repeated, harsher.  “You ever had your nails bent back and snapped off down the middle, Cheerleader?”  Tiffany flinched and hid her hands in her armpits.  “Yeah, it’s that bad.”

“So um, what are you?” Tiffany asked, eager to change the subject.

“Tired,” Kyu sighed, “and ready to blow the first nurse who’ll up my morphine.  But biologically speaking?  You’re looking at a fairy.”

A fairy.  Of course, how had she not realized it before?  Kyu was much larger than the sprites she had read about in children’s fables but everything else – the sparkling wings, the glamor, the ever-present smile – was just like a fantasy illustration come to life!

“My real name is Kyu … Kyu Sugardust.  Yeah, yeah - wipe that smirk off your face, girl.”

“Sorry,” Tiffany said, controlling her snickering.  “I think I get the ‘Jones’ alias, but why keep ‘Kyu’?  You must know how weird that sounds.”

“Maybe, but like my mamma always said, _you can’t spell ‘cute’ without k-y-u!_ ”

Tiffany blinked.

“My mother was dyslexic.”

“Ah.”

Kyu sighed and continued her story.  “I’m a fairy; a love fairy to be exact.  Sent down from the world of Sky Garden to help poor unfortunate humans who’re unlucky in love.  I wasn’t lying when I told you I was a relationship therapist.  It’s my job to look for humans who are too shy or clumsy to take the first step in a relationship and turn them into irresistible Aphrodites and Adonises.  I guess you could say I’m into love making.”

“So you’re a cupid!”

“ _Fairy_ ,” Kyu hissed.  “Cupid is _your_ word for us and we are not putting up with that shit anymore.  Honestly, you probably think we all have bird wings and fly around in bedsheet togas like a pack of otherkin frat boys!”

“A fairy,” Tiffany corrected.  “Sorry.  So why is a fairy living with a college student?  And what were you doing on the roof last night?”

“First, have you seen the interdimensional travel rates lately?  Let’s just say commuting to work seriously sucks these days.  It’s a teensy bit more affordable to just rent in your human world.  Plus, you guys have the best candy ever!

“As for the last night’s scene on the roof, I was sneaking in.”  In a whisper, she added, “My roommate gets super bitchy when I come home late and interrupt her beauty sleep.”

“Hey!”

Kyu shook her hair blonde and put on her frumpiest frown.  “Kyu, it’s ten-thirty at night.  _Some_ of us have to get up early for class.”

“I do not sound like that!”

“And don’t get me started on the snoring.”

“I do not snore!”

“Yeah, more like animal mating calls.  My first week? I seriously slept with a baseball bat, I was so freaked you were gonna go furry and start howling cheer chants at the moon.  _W-O-L-F, that’s the monster I love best!_ ”

“Yeah well … you’re short!”  Tiffany gave an angry huff but inside she was kicking herself.  Here she was standing before a real live fairy – a magical creature – and she was wasting this opportunity by bickering?

“So what happens now?  I mean, you must need to see a fairy doctor, right?  Is there someone we can call?”

“Call for help?”  Kyu’s face screwed up in disgust.  “Yeah, my insurance doesn’t exactly cover falling from tall heights.  There’s an itsy bitsy clause that goes, ‘Hey!  Moron!  You’ve got wings; you’re supposed to use them!’  That and I would be the laughing stock of Sky Garden if anyone saw me now.  Nope, I think I’ll hang around here until my wings grow back – grab some R ‘n R, abuse the free hospital wi-fi … mmm, maybe get a sponge bath from that nurse with the red hair …”

Kyu’s mind, Tiffany noticed, had the uncanny ability to steer all conversations towards sex.  “Is that going to be okay with your workplace?” she checked.

“Nothing I can’t bounce back from,” Kyu shrugged.  “I mean, yeah, I’ll fall behind in my case work … forfeit my commission … lose out on Employee of the Century to Trixie Dinglebells… two-timing bitch…” Kyu muttered something about ‘pins’ and ‘where to stick ‘em’ until Tiffany felt compelled to double check.

“So, that’s a yes?”

Kyu startled from her evil scheming and flashed a cheery grin.  “Yep, I’ll be right as rain!  Too bad I can’t say the same for the dozens of humans whose lives you’ve destroyed.”

“What???”

“Yeah, about that.  You know that human saying about a butterfly flapping its wings on one half of the world?”

“It whips up a hurricane on the other side,” Tiffany nodded.  “What’s that got to do with –?”

Kyu wiggled her wing stumps.  “This here butterfly’s grounded and there’s a whole storm of love that’s going to fizzle out.  Look, I know you humans are all gung-ho about your ‘free will’ and ‘forging your own destiny’, but to be honest you guys have a pretty lousy track record when it comes to decision making.  I mean, slavery?  Nuclear weapons?  Bell bottoms?”

“Oh, those are totally coming back this year!”

“Y’see?  This is what I’m talking about!  You people have the collective common sense of a class of pre-schoolers running around and waving scissors at each other!  Do you ever wonder why you’re all divorced or cheating or miserable and alone?  By yourselves you just can’t make the right decisions about love!

“That’s where love fairies come in – we make the hard choices for you.  When we see humans that are meant for each other, we push ‘em together.”

Tiffany did her best to ignore Kyu’s added illustration of inserting her finger into the groove of her plastered fingers and thumb.  She was still panicking over the ‘ruining lives’ bit.  “But even if you’re not around to help people, things will be okay for a few weeks, right?”

“I dunno… love’s all about timing, Cheerleader.  You miss one shot to make your move; you don’t get to retry.”

Kyu’s words took Tiffany back to ninth grade, the year her class had welcomed a foreign exchange student from Germany.  Eren Lukas … she still got stomach flutters thinking about her first crush.  She’d helped show him around the school, arranged study sessions to practice his English, and she’d been so sure that, on the times she’d stolen a glance at his sea-blue eyes, that she’d seen the same glimmer of infatuation.

But nothing had happened.  Not a kiss, not a confession; not even a chaste holding of hands.  She’d lost her nerve, and Eren had never worked up his courage.  In June, he boarded a plane back to Berlin and the last she’d seen of him was his awkward, disappointed wave goodbye.

Sobbing in regret, burying her heartbroken tears in her mother’s embrace … was one of the last comforting memories she had of home.  It was a terrible feeling – not just of losing love but losing out on the opportunity of love; being plagued by thoughts of ‘what if’ or ‘if only’…

Had someone pushed her fourteen year-old’s love fairy off a roof?

“That’s horrible,” she whispered.  “Oh my god, Kyu, I’m so sorry.  There must be something we can do to set this right!”

Like a fox creeping out of hiding, Kyu’s mischievous grin ambled back onto her face.  “Oh, I think there might be a little something you could do.”

The love fairy sat up straight and fanned her wings to their full length.  She had a speech to make and she would deliver it with all the gusto of a trained stage actor.  “There’s a saying popular among philosophers, fairies and sex toy merchants: _you break it, you buy it_.  And honey?  You broke the motherlode.  If I can’t help my clients find love, then I’ll just have to call up a pinch-hitter.”  Kyu aimed her good finger straight at Tiffany.

“Cheerleader, you are going to be a substitute love fairy!”

Kyu’s eager smile made Tiffany sweat and think back to another cautionary tale.  _Grandma, what big teeth you have!_   But Tiffany pushed her worries aside and nodded with military discipline.  “I’ll do whatever I can.  Just … well, I’m only human.”

“Oh, like that ever stopped anyone.  I just so happen to know a bit of magic that can turn a fairly-ordinary human into a fairly fantastic ‘me’.  Temporary, of course.  Just until I’m back on my feet.  Or, more of a half-fairy, if we’re getting technical.  Point is, I’ll give you some of my abilities and magic, and you look after my clients.  Whaddya say, Cheerleader?”

Once again, Kyu’s hand was offered with a deal to shake on.  “Um… okay.  Wow, this is a lot to take in.  How exactly do you turn a human into a fairy?”

Here, Kyu gave a sly grin and leaned forward, letting her dress fall from one shoulder.  “Pretty simple, actually.  The same way you turn a frog into a charming prince.”

The fairy smacked her lips and gave her sultriest smile.  “Ready, princess?”

Tiffany’s stomach went ice-cold.  “Oh god … oh … um, well … just on the cheek?”

“Sorry, sweetheart, no substitutions.  On the mouth, open lips, ten seconds of tongue.  You did say you’d do anything, right?”

“Well, yes but –” kissing a complete stranger, a female stranger, was not what she’d had in mind.

“Aww, am I stealing someone’s first kiss?”

“I’ve kissed boys before!”

“Boys.  Plural.  Good, you had me worried there.  Okay, so you’ve rounded first base.  … You’re not all uppity about two girls –”

“No!  I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that!  I just … I mean …”

“My lips are _waiiiting…_ ”

Tiffany averted her eyes; this was so embarrassing.  “I just think … that is, when you kiss someone … it ought to, you know, mean something special…”  She glanced up and was startled to see Kyu fighting back a mad squeal.

“Daww!!  Cheerleader, you are so freakin’ cute!  Seriously, I could stuff you, slap on a trademarked label and snuggle you like a bootleg beanie baby; that’s how big an adore-gasm I’m getting!”  She paused to fan her flustered cheeks.  “Real talk, though?  We gotta make out.  Nothing personal; it’s for my job.”

Tiffany remembered hearing those same words a long, long time ago, and a cold feeling of shame smothered the lingering hope in her chest.  “Guess I fell closer to the tree than I thought.” _Looks like you win, Jessie…_

Tiffany leaned over the bed and placed her hands on Kyu’s shoulders.  The fairy was startled by her resolve, but quickly recovered her foxy grin.  “Not too rough …” Tiffany pleaded, shutting her eyes.  “Okay?”  Her heart was jack-hammering in anticipation.  With a deep breath she leaned in her lips…

And got the noisy honk of a party kazoo up her nose.

“Psych!”  Kyu giggled, tooting her noisemaker and tossing handfuls of confetti she had materialized from nowhere.  “Oh my gods, you should have seen the look on your face!  Priceless!”

“You – you tricked me!”

“Let’s just call it even for the whole ‘scaring me off a roof’, m’kay?  Here, if you wanna be a fairy, take these.”

Tiffany caught the tossed necklace in a last-minute save.  It held an attached pendant shaped like a golden hourglass, and the top could be popped to get at the contents.  “Candy?” she puzzled, removing one of the multi-coloured pellets.

“Pep pills,” Kyu clarified.  “It’s kinda like if you took a human energy drink and squeezed it into tablet form.  Perfect for revitalizing the magic of that hard-working fairy on the go.  Now, for someone with no magic to begin with, well… the results are pretty interesting, or so I’ve heard.”

Tiffany shook out a pink, heart-stamped tablet.  “ _So you’ve heard?_   It… won’t hurt, will it?”

“Cheerleader, they’re like sex in your mouth.”

Tiffany looked at Kyu as though she’d swallowed a mouthful of bleach. 

“Ooh.  Right … bad mental image there.  It’s _really, really good_.  Just pop it in your mouth, swirl it around with your tongue and swall-oh, that’s not helping, is it?”

“Is it too late to try the kissing thing?”

Kyu grabbed a plastic cup from her bedside table and made Tiffany drop the pill into the water.  The tablet fizzed like an antacid.  “Drink,” Kyu ordered.

Tiffany glugged down the entire cup and gave a relieved sigh.  “Okay.  Now what?”

“Well, for starters you might wanna lose your top.”

“I’m not taking off my –” but before she could finish Tiffany could already feel dozens of tiny fingertips poking her back.  From the inside.  She dropped to her knees and hugged her arms around her bubbling insides.

“Kyu, you said it was –”

“Oh, that’s right.  Sex usually sucks the first time, doesn’t it?  My bad.”

Fairy tale memories surfaced once more: wicked queens downing potions; evil sorceresses conjuring black magic – each one transforming into something grotesque and monstrous.  Tiffany felt the fabric of her shirt lifting … tearing; she tried to look back but only managed to see her writhing shadow against the bedside curtains.  The silhouette was twisting … growing …

Tiffany dug her nails through the linoleum, holding on for as long as she could.  Her vision blurred, her head spun and her world faded to black…


	3. In-Game Tutorial

“Hello?  Cheerleader?  Wakey, wakey, eggs ‘n bakey!”

“My head …” No, not just her head; Tiffany’s entire body throbbed with pain.  She hadn’t felt this miserable since the morning after she’d eaten one of Audrey’s ‘special’ cookies.  “What happened to me?”  Her memories were coming slow as molasses.  Visiting Kyu … the agreement … the fairy pill … Now she was lying on the floor with the cold kiss of linoleum against her cheek.  _How long was I out?_

Tiffany tried to push herself up.  Instead of offering resistance, the tiles went mushy as butter and her palms sank into the floor.

“What the - ?”  Tiffany shot up; she tried to sit upright but shifting her weight to her knees only made her legs sink into the tiles.  The floor was like quicksand swallowing her waist, her chest.  “Kyu, what’s happening to me?”

“Oh relax, you big baby.  Here, grab on.”  Kyu leaned over the side of the bed and offered her hand.  Tiffany seized the lifeline and Kyu yanked her into the air with no effort at all.  “I’m impressed, Cheerleader; I didn’t think you’d figure out phasing so quickly.”

Tiffany wasn’t listing.  _Kyu threw me into the air_.  Her feet weren’t touching the floor, and the hum of high-speed insect wings buzzed at her shoulders.  She was floating in the air!

“Well, don’t just hover there like a hummingbird in a sugar shop; the washroom’s in the corner – go take a look!”

“R-right.”  Tiffany found that moving forward was easy enough but her body had a natural tendency to float upward; she had to seize the doorframe and pull herself down into the washroom, and once inside she had to grab hold of the porcelain sink to avoid drifting up like a balloon and banging against the ceiling. 

But the changes in the mirror made Tiffany gasp with delight.  Her skin shone like polished marble, and when the overhead lights hit her at the right angle she shimmered as though covered in glitter dust.  She still had blue eyes but her orbs were now deeper: a gemstone blue that seemed to glow from the light of an inner fire.  Like Kyu, her hair had gone pink – _milky pink_ – she noted with pleasure, posing and turning her body to capture her dyed locks from all angle.

It was her back that elicited the greatest wonder.  Torn through the fabric of her blouse were four glittering, crystalline insect wings – longer and slimmer than Kyu’s butterfly limbs.  “Like a dragonfly,” she gasped.  “They’re so pretty!”

Kyu nodded, impressed by her handiwork.  “Noice!  Damn girl, you are one fine-ass fairy!”

“Kind of a bummer about my top, though.”

“Pfft!  Like you don’t have six more of that exact blouse in your closet.”

“Well yeah,” Tiffany conceded, “but now what am I going to wear on Mondays?”

“How ‘bout we worry a little more about getting you caught up with fairy life, m’kay?”  Kyu patted the plastic chair next to her bed and Tiffany puttered over via wing-power, gripping the seat so she wouldn’t float away.  Despite the bizarre changes over her body, Tiffany felt calm and focused.  The student-teacher setting was her forte.  She dialed her mind to ‘school mode’ and prepared herself to absorb her professor’s teachings.  Kyu began the lesson by draping the hourglass necklace of fairy pills around Tiffany’s neck.

“First rule: never leave home without ‘em.  Each of those pills is good for an hour’s transformation, but if you use a lot of your powers you’ll burn through the magic a whole lot faster.  Think of it like a smartphone – the more apps you leave running, the sooner you’ll have to recharge.”

“One hour per pill.  Got it.”

“As a love fairy, the most important trick in your book will be your invisibility.  When you’re transformed you get to choose whether to be visible or discreet in front of non-magicals.  It’s your standard ‘ _It’s a Wonderful Life’_ shtick – you can make it so that only your client can see you for the whole ‘angel on the shoulder’ routine or you can do a complete ghost for when you need to gather info on a target.  Or if you wanna watch people shag.  That works too.”

“Right …”

“Besides invisibility, you can also make your body intangible and phase through solid walls.  Trust me, it comes in handy when you’ve got one of those ‘I don’t believe in magic’ type of clients that tries to lock you out of their home.  We fairies don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“I can walk through walls?”  Tiffany didn’t know why that part surprised her most but it would explain the whole sinking into the floor bit.  To illustrate, Kyu made her stand up and turn around, then gave her a swift kick in the rear.  Tiffany’s screaming, lighter-than-air body shot towards the wall and she flinched for impact. 

Instead of a crash, Tiffany felt the rush of afternoon wind on her back.  Kyu’s hospital room was on the fourth floor and Tiffany found herself floating four stories above rush hour traffic.  Terrified of suddenly falling into the snarl of cars, her wings zipped her back to the building where she pushed her body through the brick exterior as easily as pushing through water.

“Okay, I can walk through walls.  … Wow.”

“Pretty sweet, huh?  Oh, you might wanna focus on hovering until you get your fairy legs.  This one girl I knew back in grade school?  Couldn’t control her phasing for the life of her!  She literally fell into the ground.”

“Seriously?”

“Super serious!  It’s like, one minute we’re playing jump rope, then _whoosh_ – six feet under!  Next thing I know the school gets an international call from China asking if we want our kid back.”

“Wait, there’s a fairy version of China?”

“More like you’ve got an Earth version of _our_ China.  Pretty crappy knock-off, if y’ask me.  Honestly, you guys don’t even have real dragons!  What’s up with that?”

Tiffany didn’t have a response for that.  Was a lack of man-eating super beasts a sign of poor hospitality or just common sense?

 “Let’s see, pills, invisibility, phasing … ah!  Okay, let’s get into your arsenal.  Normally, I store these in my personal hammer-space but since you’re a half-fairy you’ll have to make do with a utility belt.”

Kyu tossed over a pink leather belt she’d been storing … somewhere behind her back.  Tiffany preferred not to ask.  On one side was a cell phone case; on the other, five cartridges containing tiny spray bottles like the kind Nikki used to clean her glasses, each filled with a different coloured liquid.  Kyu selected the red bottle and swung her legs over the bed.

“Gimmie your shoulder, Cheerleader.  We’re gonna go for a walk; see if you’ve got this invisibility thing down-pat.”

Tiffany didn’t have to serve as Kyu’s personal crutch for too long, just to the staff lounge at the end of the hall.  Two young nurses in blue scrubs – one male, one female – were taking their coffee break at the kitchenette table.  Tiffany was freaked that she’d be spotted and interrogated – “what’re you doing with that patient?” – but just as Kyu assured her, they took no notice of the pink-haired girls or their insect wings.  In fact, they seemed to be doing their best to avoid noticing anything; especially each other.  Whenever the man stole a glance at the woman she’d duck her eyes back at her magazine, and whenever she snuck a peak in return, he’d busy himself with his smartphone.  Both their cheeks were glowing with a rosy blush.

“Aren’t they cute?” Kyu grinned.  “Those two are actually on my ‘to do’ list.  Totally hot for each other but he’s too big of a chicken to ask her out.  Let’s help ‘em, shall we?”

Kyu took out her red vial and sprayed its atomized mist over the couple.  Tiffany watched and wondered why her teacher’s grin had grown especially goofy.

“Any second, now.  Oh, this is gonna be good.”

The nurses sniffed the air and caught a scent that made them pop straight up in their seats.  They turned to one another as if to confirm the smell but the instant their eyes locked all rational thoughts plunged from their minds.  They stared – eyes wild and hungry – then they lunged at one another, meeting in a tangle of groping arms and ravenous lips for the ultimate make-out session.

Tiffany’s jaw dropped and she hid her eyes between her fingers as the couple spent a mindless minute locking lips.  Kyu hooted and shouted encouragement – “Second base, Johnny!  Go for second base!” – until the man panted something about a “storage closet”.  The woman nodded hungrily and they power-walked out of the room, hand in hand.

Tiffany was appalled, but not just because she had spied on two people sharing an intimate moment. She spun on Kyu with an accusing glare.  “You!  You did that to them!  What is that, some sort of mind control potion?”

“Whoa, first off, they’re pheromones, okay?  Natural chemicals your body juices out to send mating signals.  Second, it’s not mind control; more like a catalyst.  I’m not brainwashing them, just super-charging whatever emotions and desires are already there.  Seriously, you should have seen those two staring at each other last night.  Like a bloody soap opera.  That spray just got their motors purring.”

Tiffany shook her head in disbelief.  “This is what a love fairy’s supposed to do?  Manipulate people with drugs?  That’s barbaric.”

“Whoa, you wanna talk barbaric, let’s wind back five thousand years when my office was shooting you muggles with pheromone-tipped bows and arrows.  We have come a long and humane way, Cheerleader.”

“But this is … it’s not natural.”

“Not natural?  I’m sorry, I thought my roommate was applying to nursing college so she could ease people’s suffering by doping them up on wacky gas.  Ground Control Kettle to Major Pot, you’re looking pretty black up there.”

“You’re generalizing.  There’s more to nursing than giving drugs.”

“Well same goes for my job!  Or should I say _your_ job.  Now pay attention; I’m only going to explain the colours once.”

“Fine.”  Tiffany sat Kyu on the break room couch and listened as the fairy went through each vial.

“The blue spray emphasizes talent and ability; use it if you want to make a client sound more impressive and skilled during those ‘getting to know you’ chats.  Green is for flirtation; perfect for catching a lame joke or bad pick-up before it falls flat.  Orange will heighten the romantic, mushy mood around a client and red … well, red makes you horny.”

Tiffany picked up the final bottle.  “What about purple?”

“Don’t!”  Kyu ripped the vial away, scowling like a parent who had swatted her daughter from a hot stove top.  “Don’t _ever_ use purple,” she hissed.  “Purple is for emergencies only; you let even one drop of this stuff out and your client’s love life is over.  You got that?”

“Okay, okay.  Geez, I’m sorry.”

Kyu tucked the vial back into its pouch, muttering about ‘humans’ and ‘idiots’.  Glancing at Tiffany’s embarrassed face, the fairy sighed.

“I shouldn’t have snapped like that.  It’s just … look, so long as your dates are going well there’s no reason for you to ever use purple, okay?  Just forget you ever saw it.”

“Blue, green, orange, red,” Tiffany nodded.  “That’s it.”  She’d only seen the forbidden purple for a second, but it’d been enough to spy the bottle’s decorative symbol.  She wondered what kind of emergency called for a love fairy to deliver a potion marked with a broken heart…

Kyu didn’t give her time to reflect long, already bounding to the next lesson.  “We’ll work on acquainting you with your powers later, but first say hello to my second-favorite toy in the world: the Huniebee!  Catch!”

Tiffany’s caught a pink cell phone to go with her belt’s carrying case.  “Aww, it’s adorable!  I didn’t know they made flip phones anymore!”

“Trust me, I would _kill_ for an iFairy but my department’s slow as hell about upgrades.  You’re holding the Huniebee 3.9 and your new workplace communication device.  It’s got a list of all my current clients with files on their relationship history for easy analysis.  Plus, you can use the GPS to track your targets in real time.  Besides that you can use it to take pictures, record audio and I’ve downloaded a whole bunch of cool games like Panty Crush!”

“You mean Candy Crush.”

“Nnnnope!”

“Figures.  Hey, how do I get this to make phone calls?”

Kyu fixed her with a bizarre look.  “Ah, that’s right.  You humans still use your phones to talk to each other.  No dice, Cheerleader.  We fairies have evolved beyond your primitive communication systems. … Plus, the long distance charges are a real bitch.  Anyway, the important part is accessing your love clients.”  Kyu took back the phone and guided Tiffany through the menus.

“See, there’s two lists under this menu.  The Green listers are the easy ones – people who are already pretty close to a relationship but need a last boost to seal the deal.  Find ‘em and spray ‘em; they should be good.  Now the red list?  Those humans are a bit more labor intensive.  Red listers are the acne of the dating world – they’re awkward, they’re embarrassing to have around, and they leave everyone they touch with one heck of a scar.  These are the guys who make you earn your munie.  You’ll have to approach these losers directly and give them some private coaching on the art of dating.”

“They can’t be that hopeless, can they?”

“Cheerleader, these freaks couldn’t beat a dating sim if they had the strategy guide stapled to their foreheads.  Take a look at those files and you’ll see for yourself.”

Tiffany opened the dreaded ‘red list’ and scanned the first name.

AUDREY BELROSE

“Audrey?”

Kyu raised an eyebrow.  “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?  Why is my friend’s name on your list?” 

“Hey, I just get the files from management.  You sure, though?  Belrose could be a common name like Smith or SaccharineCat.”

“SaccharineCat?”

“I know, I know, we fairies have weird-ass last names.  Mind you, that one’s a bad translation.  In the old country it’s pronounced Sweetpu-“

“See?  It’s definitely my friend,” Tiffany interrupted.  “You’ve got her picture here and everything.”

While Kyu scanned the phone profile Tiffany got up and paced, feeling very much like the first little pig in his house of straw – stunned, stupefied and beginning to feel her world falling around her.  Audrey?  One of Kyu’s clients?  One of _her_ clients?  But Audrey was constantly hooking up with boys and she never took advice.  How was she supposed to - ?

“Cheerleader, slow down there; you’re gonna buzz your wings off.”

Wings?  Tiffany had been so lost in thought that her wings had started fluttering on their own and had lifted her into the air.  She took a deep breath and forced herself to the floor.   “Sorry, it’s just …” she searched for an excuse.  “This can’t be allowed, can it?  Working with a client you know personally?”

Kyu laughed.  “Are you kidding?  Part of the job is getting to know your clients; you’ve got your work half-done for you.”

“Yeah … maybe you’re right.”  She didn’t feel any easier about approaching Audrey, but maybe this was doable.  Tiffany took a deep breath and retreated to her house of sticks.  “Yeah, this could work.”

Kyu tossed her the phone again.  “Well, that’s just one from your red list.  Who else ya got?”

Tiffany scrolled down the names.

NICOLE ANN-MARIE

“Nikki??”  No, no, no – her twiggy haven was crumbling.  “Kyu, that’s my other friend!”

Kyu checked out the profile picture.  “Hmm, kinda dorky, but there’s potential…”

Tiffany was on her feet and pacing.  “I’m supposed to get my best friends into relationships?  I can’t- I mean -” Tiffany had to sit down and ground her rapidly spinning head.  “How is it your clients are all people I know?  This has to be some sick joke.”

Kyu face took on a dark expression.  “That’s no joke.  It’s a space station.”

“WHAT???”

“Whoa, okay, definitely not in the mood for references.  It’s probably just a coincidence.  Look, I’m the local love fairy for this town, so you’ve got to expect some overlap in social circles.”

“I guess…”

“And if anyone’s best suited to help these girls it must be their friend, right?”

“Well, okay …”

“So go get ‘em, tiger!  C’mon, let’s look at the rest.”

Tiffany took a deep, calming breath just like she did before cheer rallies.  She was safe inside her house of bricks.  Two names were just a coincidence and Glenberry was a big city.  No one else she knew was going to show up on the red list; not her professors, not her babysitting parents, not her -

Tiffany dropped the phone like it was covered in hairy spiders and backed herself to the farthest corner of the room.  “No … no, that’s not possible…”

“Whoa, you feeling all right?  You look like someone just blew your house down.  Uh oh, lemmie guess – schoolyard bully?  Ex-boyfriend? … Ex-girlfriend?  Sorry, wishful thinking.”  Tiffany was too busy shaking and pulling on her pigtails to respond but the Huniebee had fallen close enough for Kyu to reach with her good toes.  Once she dragged it over and saw the client picture she got a taste of Tiffany’s despair.

“Zeus’ holy thunderballs, you gotta be kidding!  You break my wings the day they assign me to work with a porn star?!  Aw shit, and she’s one of my favorites, too!  Misty Peaks!  I’m even subscribed to her fan club and everything!”

“That’s not her real name.”  Tiffany’s voice was ice cold and her eyes glared daggers.  Kyu didn’t quite catch the hostility.

“Well duh!  I mean, actors need their privacy.  Can you imagine all the freaky fans who’d bug her if they knew her name was really –” What was her real name?  Kyu scrolled down the profile, located the birth information and found herself lost for words.

“Oh.”

Tiffany nodded back.  “Yup.”

“So she’s –”

“M-hmm.”

“And you’re –”

“Uh huh.”

“But you’re so –”

“I know.”

“And she’s all –”

“We don’t talk.”

“Ah…”

While Tiffany buried her head in her lap, Kyu stared at the Huniebee and tried to scrounge up a silver lining to this storm of awkwardness.  “Well, maybe it’ll be nice to spend some time catching up? …  Right?”

The cheerleader didn’t respond, and neither did the glowing red letters on screen.

JESSICA MAYE


	4. Hub World

Fairy tales, Tiffany reflected, were like bus routes: a vehicle for transferring passengers from beginning to end.  Some characters might hop on or off within the middle depending on the role they played, but ‘happily ever after’ was always the final stop. 

Real life, on the other hand, was a monorail that cycled through routines like stations on a circular track.  There would be highs and lows; moments your car became crowded with obligations and others where the bustle petered out and you could breathe easy, but generally you knew what to expect from your ride and could sit back in a comfortable calm.

Sometimes, however, a lunatic boarded your train.  A crazy, pink haired lunatic with wings and a deal to shake on – and then you had to reassess your entire ride.

Two weeks’ worth of monorail rides passed for Tiffany and she was thankful for a lull in the craziness.  Another night at the Nutmeg café, another table covered with homework and lattes, another opportunity for Audrey to brag about her latest conquest.

“Okay, so last night at the bar, this guy tries to pick me up and he’s like – _hey babe, I’m a salesman_.  You’ll never guess what kind of salesman.  Nikki, Nikki - guess what kind of salesman he was!  Nikki?”

The bluenette looked at Audrey with the enthusiasm of an old dog woken by a yappy puppy.  “I dunno.  Selling Kinect motion sensors that actually work?”

“No, smartass, that’s not it.  Tiffany, you guess.  He’s a-”

“He’s a dream salesman, and you’re his best-selling product.”  Tiffany finished the pick-up without raising her eyes from the furious notes she was scribbling.  _If I move my study period an hour ahead, I can check on clients after dinner …_

Audrey didn’t seem to notice Tiffany’s work but she was pleased that someone got her joke, laughing and slapping the table.  “Omigod, you’ve heard that one before!  Isn’t that the lamest fucking line ever?  Like, who wrote that for you, your grandpa?”

“Mm,” Tiffany grunted.  _Can’t do anything about cheer practice.  Where else can I free up time?_

“Well, this guy wasn’t bad looking, and he was paying for drinks, so I let him keep talking.  So he’s all like, _I’m from Brazil, senorita.  My name is –_ Nikki, guess what his name was.  No?  Tiffany, guess what-“

“Enrique.”

Audrey blinked.  “Yeah…  Enrique.  So, Enrique, he orders me this special drink.  Something with tequila.  And he calls it the Side-driver –”

“Sidewinder,” Tiffany corrected.

“Right, sidewinder.  Something with tequila and lemon ju-“

“Lime juice.”

“Yeah, and he’s like, _this drink and I, we are much the same, senorita._   _We are –“_

“-both tall, cool and satisfying and once you’ve had one in your mouth, you’ll be screaming for more.”  Tiffany looked up from her papers, shooting a glare that asked ‘ _are we done here?’_

Nikki and Audrey exchanged glances.  “Holy shit, you knew exactly what I was gonna say!  What did you do, spy on me last night?”

Tiffany bolted upright.  “What?  No, Audrey, I uh –” _No, I wasn’t invisible and following you all week.  I was -_ Had to think of something.  Had to think of -

“She was probably hit on by the same asshole with the same routine,” Nikki answered.  The bluenette turned to Tiffany; the ball was in her court.

“Oh, yeah!  Yeah, I do remember that guy from way back.  Enrique – real jerk, right?” 

Audrey’s ribbon-adorned brain sifted over that excuse for flaws.  “Hmph.  I’m still super-pissed that you ditched our movie night yesterday.  I bought these bitchin’ new fishnets I was going to show you too.”

“Sorry Audrey, maybe next time.  Oh, and you might want to buy new nets, they’re totally ripping on the back of your thighs.”

This time, Nikki joined Audrey in squinting down Tiffany.

“Err, I mean, that’s usually where they rip for most girls, isn’t it?”

Audrey kept a suspicious look as she sipped her latte.  “You’ve been acting really weird lately.”

“I have?  No, I haven’t!  Why would you think I’m acting weird?”

“Uh, let’s see – you run off as soon as classes are finished without stopping to chat, you cancel our party nights at the last minute, and just what the fuck is so important you keep scribbling notes when I’m talking?  Gimmie that!”  Audrey caught her by surprise and snatched the papers from under her nose.  The redhead frowned at the ciphers.

“A weekly schedule?”

“I told you, my roommate broke her arm and I’m helping her with her work.”

“Right, the roommate again.”  Audrey’s index nail stabbed the bottom set of squares.  “Why the fuck are you writing over our cafe nights?”

Nikki’s eyes bolted wide with shock.  “You’re not coming to study nights anymore?”

“What?  No!”

“Then why the hell did you circle the study night box and dress it with all these shitty pink heart– ?” A revelation floored Audrey.  “Oh my god, are you sleeping with someone?”

“You’re ditching us for some guy?”  Nikki’s knuckles were digging into the table.

“No, Nikki I’m -”

“It all makes sense – that fancy hourglass necklace you’ve been wearing, how you keep ducking out of class whenever your phone rings, the way you look dead-ass tired in the mornings!  You’re fucking some guy and now you’re ditching us so you can get some more back door action, you slut!”

“Tiffany, are you really letting him –?”

Tiffany raised her palms, one to shush each of her friends.  “Okay, first of all – _eww!_   Second, what if I am seeing someone?  Shouldn’t you be happy for me?”

“Oh, I’m thrilled,” Audrey sneered.  “Thrilled that you told me all about your new boy toy instead of keeping him a secret behind my back!”

“Well I’m not seeing anyone.  Look, I just started a new job, okay?  The hours are a little flexible so I’m trying to figure out how to refigure my schedule.”  But lectures, cheer practices and swimming lessons were immovable blocks in her routine.  The only thing she could give up was her leisure time.  Time with Audrey and Nikki.

Even with that explanation Audrey still had her hackles up and poor Nikki was looking more like a lost puppy every second.  _Probably terrified of me leaving her all alone with Audrey._   Tiffany didn’t like it, but she had to make a peace offering.  Very carefully she took her schedule back from Audrey and tore the paper to pieces.

Audrey gave a satisfied smirk.

Nikki exhaled loudly on behalf of the group.  Audrey, leaning back in the booth like a queen on her throne, monitored Tiffany as she completed her penance – sweeping the scraps of paper into her palm and walking them over to the trash can.  _I guess I’ll just have to stay up late tracking my clients,_ she sighed.  She enjoyed hanging out with someone as cool and confident as Audrey but her friend could be so bossy.  As a final amends, Tiffany returned to the table with another round of pastries.  Nikki muttered a quiet thanks, embarrassed by this apology, but Audrey snatched her apple fritter without a word and ripped into it like wolf before a bed-ridden grandmother.  Tiffany watched her friend with wondering eyes.  Audrey Belrose – life of the party, master of her destiny; able to take her pick of any man she so desired.  _What does Audrey see in girls like us?_ Tiffany wondered.

Audrey noticed the staring eyes and glared.  Tiffany coughed and explained herself.  “Sorry girls, I don’t know what I was thinking.  These study sessions are our time together – no interruptions.” 

Audrey licked the sugar from her fingers and dabbed her lips clean.  “Okay, so back to my story,” she declared, only to be cut off when Tiffany’s purse started crooning an upbeat disco boogie.

_“I’m just a luuv machine!  An’ ah won’t work for nobody but you!  Ooh, ooh!”_

_The Huniebee!_   Audrey and Nikki exchanged a further weirded-out glance while Tiffany rifled through her handbag.  “Sorry, that’s my work phone,” she blushed.

Audrey’s eyebrows were going to float off her head if she raised them any higher.  “Your work ringtone is _Love Machine_ by The Miracles?”

“I, uh… love my job?”  Tiffany was too preoccupied mashing through messages to make a better excuse.  “What’s he doing?  He’s not supposed to be there for another hour!”

“He??”

“Sorry, girls, I have to –”

“You have to go,” Audrey snapped.  “Whatever.  Obviously that whole ‘no interruptions’ speech was crap so go.  Go see your Earnest Worthing or whatever you call your excuse. I need a fucking smoke.”  She made a point of shoving past Tiffany as she stomped for the door, not even waiting for the exit to start lighting her cigarette.  Tiffany winced, but she couldn’t spare any time to patch things up now.

“Nikki, I really have to leave.”

The gamer girl shrugged.  “I’m used to it.”

Another stab to the heart.  _I’ll make it up to you guys, I promise_.  Then she flew out the café and raced into the nearby alleyway, startling Audrey as she passed by.

“Just a fucking minute, Tiff!”  Refueled on fresh air and nicotine, the redhead was ready to deliver a piece of her mind and jogged after the cheerleader.  She found only an empty alley.  Brick walls, garbage bins but no Tiff… wait, what was that on the ground?  Audrey picked up and puzzled over the white fabric.

“Did she seriously just strip off her shirt?”

* * *

Zooming over the downtown cars made Tiffany remember one of Audrey’s favorite tall tales: the time she had hooked up with a limo driver and made him speed down the highway while she stood through the sunroof wearing nothing but an open jacket flapping in the wind.  “I so call bullshit on that, Audrey!”  She’d done enough experimenting with flying to learn that at highway speeds, open coats or blouses became drag parachutes, and even with a bikini top to free up her wings, Tiffany’s teeth were still chattering in her skull!   _There is no way you enjoyed this!  Not a chance!_

Time was running out, so Tiffany banked a hard left at the next intersection.  Driving a car, her turn would have sent her smashing into the street corner.  Flying as a fairy she still swung into the brick building, only now she could phase through the roadblock as though it was a skyscraper-sized hologram.  Tiffany allowed herself a small whoop!  _So awesome!  Okay, I could get used to this._

Her clients’ erratic dating schedules were another matter.  The Huniebee’s intercept system had detected Carlos in proximity of his girlfriend – an entire hour before their movie date was supposed to start!  What was he doing, ringing the intercom of her apartment?  Yes, maybe a spontaneous “ _pick you up for a walk_ ” meant their relationship was progressing, but _gosh darn it_ , Carlos opened his dates with the cheesiest one-liner about girls and speeding tickets and he recycled it _every single date_ , even if he was seeing the _exact_ _same girl!_   She had to spray some charm on him fast or this date would go downhill faster than a rollercoaster with faulty brakes.

The night was slightly windy so neither Carlos nor Cassandra noticed the gust from Tiffany’s rapid-fire braking, and they obviously couldn’t see her dive through the air firing the green flirtation pheromones like a cop in an action film just as afro-headed Carlos was just finishing his “cause girl, you’ve got _fine_ written all over you” punchline.

Cassandra caught the pheromone whiff and her disgusted eye roll morphed into a delighted giggle.  Made it!  “Omigod, you are just so funny!  It’s so weird, guys say that one to me all the time but it just cracks me up coming from you!”

 _Those other guys weren’t wearing hypnotism-scented cologne,_ Tiffany muttered to herself. 

Carlos flashed his pearly whites and laughed along.  _At least he brushes his teeth._ “Okay, good news and bad news.  The good news – you’re looking beautiful tonight.”  Both girls _aww_ -ed.  “Bad news, the theatre’s sold out for _Were-Zombies vs. Gladiators IV…_ ”

“Sold out??”  Tiffany and Cassandra gaped together.  _How does a movie called ‘Were-zombies vs. Gladiators’ sell out?  Don’t tell me Nikki reserved the whole theatre?_

“Aww, what a bummer,” Cassandra pouted.  Then, an idea!  “You know, I know a real legit torrent site.  Maybe we could go up to my place?  Watch it on my big screen?”

One of those suggestions made Carlos stand at attention, and Tiffany was fairly certain it wasn’t the one about illegal downloads.  “Uh, yeah.  M-maybe we could order a pizza or something…”

“Or … something,” Cassandra smiled, sticking out her tongue and letting the light play over its silvery stud.

Carlos was in heaven.

“Yeah, hey – why don’t you get the movie set up?  I’ll grab us some drinks from the Kwik-Stop.”

The minute Cassandra closed her door Carlos was racing like a puppy after a stick and whooping to the night air.  Tiffany followed him to the neighbourhood pharmacy, finding it rather presumptuous when the little man bee-lined for the contraceptives aisle.  _Well, at least he’s being considerate_ , she conceded.

But then he added two cokes to his basket and Tiffany couldn’t be just an observer anymore.  “Pepsi!” she hissed in the man’s ear.  “She only drinks Pepsi!”

Carlos froze and spun around.  Still invisible, Tiffany spun behind him.  He shrugged it off and moved for the nacho chips and salsa.  “Mild!  The spicy one gives her gas!”  Good lord, was this man really a green-lister?  She'd helped him for only two weeks and she knew his girlfriend better than he did!

That second comment might have been too much.  Carlos was shaking his head and muttering to himself.  “I’m going crazy!  Oh God, maybe I should just go-” 

“No!  You’re fine.  Turn around, Carlos, I’m over here.”  Tiffany concentrated on the man’s face and repeated his name in her mind – _‘Carlos’ –_ allowing the veil around her body to slip, but for his eyes only.  As Carlos turned she quickly flattened her back against the frozen goods cabinet and went semi-solid, letting her wings slip discreetly inside the frosted panes.

She looked human but Carlos’ jaw still dropped.  Tiffany winced; okay, pink pigtails, an orange bikini top and a red tartan skirt weren’t exactly color coordinated but he didn’t have to be that blunt about her fashion faux pas.  “Hi,” she said with a sheepish smile.

“Hi…” Carlos returned, eyes ping-ponging between her face and … oh, never mind, it wasn’t her clothes he was gaping over.  Tiffany crossed her arms over her chest.  “I’ll explain, I’m a friend of -”

“Were you speeding when you drove here, girl?”

“What?”  Wait, that cocky grin on his face.  Was he -?

“Cause girl, you’ve got –”

Tiffany flared her wings, showering her client with ice crystals from the freezer.  Carlos squealed beneath her shadow.  “Don’t you _dare_ try and get my number!  You’re dating Cassandra, got it?  Repeat after me: monogamy is good!”

“M-m-monogamy is –” Tiffany stopped the little man and tilted his chin so he was staring at her eyes.  “Sorry,” Carlos mumbled.

“Just an FWI: I can walk through walls, Carlos.  So unless you want to wake up one morning with your eyebrows shaved off I suggest you focus on the one girl who doesn’t think you’re a creep, okay?  Oh, and it would be super helpful if you came up with some new pick-up lines.  I can’t keep rescuing you every time you make a crack about speeding tickets; I just can’t.”

Carlos nodded dumbly.

“Oh, and no hickeys tonight, okay?  Cassandra has an important presentation at work tomorrow.”

“Are you an ange-?”

“I’m a love fairy,” Tiffany finished, “but that’s sweet of you to say.  Oh, try that one on Cass; she’ll love it!  Well, gotta go,” and she turned and walked through the wall of freezers, her Huniebee already buzzing over the start of another date.

After a long silence Carlos stood up and peeked inside the freezer door, checking whether the scantily-clad dream girl and her bug wings were hiding in some secret compartment.  Nothing.  His legs automatically shuffled to the checkout counter where he added a mini-bottle of whiskey to his supplies.

The clerk gave a long, piercing stare at his customer – the man who’d spent the last five minutes muttering and yelping to himself in the freezer aisle – until the afro man sheepishly returned the alcohol to its display.

The clerk nodded.  “Best choice you’ll make all night, buddy.”

* * *

Three dates and several hours later, Tiffany slumped into her duplex apartment, tired and worn from having to clean up after so many clueless men and women.   _Flowers!_ _You get her flowers for a third date, not jelly donuts!_   Her body moved automatically, flicking the light switch even though the bulbs were already bright.  She didn’t notice the discrepancy until a potato chip wrapper crinkled underfoot.   _What the -?_   Tiffany shook herself awake and scanned the mess of a room: pyramids of empty Red Bull cans, mounds of dirty underwear and tissue paper piling up on the floor, and crumbs –  _crumbs! –_ scattered all over her lovely carpet like pollen blown in the wind.

At the epicenter of the explosive mess was her “roomie” Kyu, lounging on her bed in a pink babydoll.  Her arm and leg were still in plaster casts – those would stay for several weeks yet – but the fairy’s couch potato merriment made it hard to believe she’d ever been in pain.  Her roommate was working hard at vegetative multi-tasking – sipping soda from an elaborately long straw, stuffing her face full of chocolate bonbons and watching a porno on her laptop.  The film must have cut to a talking scene because she was also trying to balance a pencil on her nose.

Victor Frankenstein wasn’t a fairy tale character but Tiffany thought the doctor’s heartbreaking lament fit the moment well.  _I’ve created a monster…_

Glancing at her roommate caused Kyu’s house of cards to topple – the chocolates caught in her throat, the soda coughed up over her computer and the pencil poked her in the eye.  “Hey, how’d it go, working girl?  Get some poor saps lucky tonight?”

“More like I almost died of embarrassment in front of my friends,” Tiffany vented.  She pointed the Huniebee at Kyu’s face.  “As soon as I’ve had my shower you’re showing me how to swap the ring tone on this thing.”

 _“_ Aw c’mon Cheerleader, you can’t mess with the classics!  _Doo-be-doo-woo, she’s just a luuuv machine!  And she don’t work for no-body but_ OWW!Vesta’s virginity, did you just throw a book at me??”

“That’s the magazine you asked me to buy this morning and which I am never doing again.”  Just thinking of the stares the shopkeeper had given her triggered a shudder.  “You know, when you said it was in the _Asian Interest_ section I seriously convinced myself you were reading up on sushi or anime.”

Kyu, meanwhile, was shuddering manically as she rifled through the glossy pages of _Yellow Fever -_ the Naughty Maid Edition _._   “Ohhh yeah… Baby, you can polish my doorknobs any day…”

Tiffany wondered what other fairies thought of Kyu’s interest in humans.  Did they frown on extra-species relationships or was the entire love fairy race just as horny and opportunistic as her roommate?  The image of a world populated by Kyu clones made Tiffany twitch involuntarily.

“Soo,” Kyu hummed, “which girlfriend were you stalking tonight?  Super slut or the gamer girl?”

“I am _researching_ Audrey and Nikki,” Tiffany clarified, “and you’re the one who told me love fairies should start by observing red-list clients.”

“Yeah, but following them night after night with a notepad is seriously overkill.  You do know you can just look up their personal histories on the Huniebee?”

“I tried that,” Tiffany groaned.  First day on the job she’d tried reading Nikki’s file…

NAME: NICOLE ANN-MARIE

STATUS: VIRGIN. SUBJECT HAS HAD ZERO PRIOR RELATIONSHIPS AND IS A CHRONIC MASTER-

Better to make her own observations, she decided, snapping the phone shut.  Only what the girls did in public.  She did not need to read the gory details of Audrey’s sex life, or for that matter, her mother’s. 

“Besides,” Kyu continued, “I thought you guys were bestest buddies from high school or something.  Joined at the hip and all that jazz.”

Ah, they were finally getting to ‘the talk’.  “I knew _of_ them in high school.”  Back then, everyone had known Audrey Belrose and her gang, and Nikki had stood out in her memory as that mousy-haired girl who always ate lunch alone, “but we didn’t actually start talking to each other until I re-met Audrey in university.  I only really see them in class or at the café or if Audrey organizes some special night out.  To be honest, I really don’t know what they do with their spare time or who else they hang out with.”

Tiffany flipped through the notes she’d been jotting every night.  “But the more I watch them, the more I know I need to help them.”

Audrey’s night life was by far the busiest but followed a pattern: decked out in her flashiest dresses and makeup, Audrey would grab a taxi for a crowded bar or nightclub.  She’d single out the most attractive guys and start dancing with them.  They would laugh, flirt and gravitate to the bar and the target would buy Audrey one drink after another.  Audrey never went home with any of these boys, though.  If she was feeling kind she gave them a fake number and a made-up name – Cosette Valjean, Christine Daae; otherwise she drained her glass dry, made an excuse about needing to use the washroom and walked into the night, leaving the boy with her bar tab.

Vomit, cigarette, “taxi!” and repeat until she was too drunk or too sick to walk straight.

In a way, Tiffany was relieved that Audrey was being choosey about her hook-ups.  The guys at the clubs were so greasy and grabby.  _Audrey needs someone more dependable.  Someone she can rely on._   A list of candidates was already swirling through Tiffany’s mind.

Compared to Audrey, Nikki’s nights were routine: she stayed home and played video games.

It was like watching paint dry.  Every night after work the bluenette showered, wrapped herself inside a Pikachu snuggie and plunked herself before the glow of the all-mighty television, looking like a dead-eyed zombie except for the clack of her thumbs against the console controller.

And she stayed that way all night long.  Tiffany had tried to keep pace with her one evening but called it quits after four in the morning.  Thanks to a semi-circle of potato chips and soda pop around her television Nikki never had to leave for food and the girl’s bladder would turn a camel green with envy.

Some nights Nikki transferred to her computer desk to sift through websites and messageboards but Tiffany never got a good look at what she was reading.  Being invisible didn’t prevent her footsteps from creaking on the floorboards or her breath from tickling the back of Nikki’s neck and the bluenette’s senses were sharp with paranoia.  Every time Tiffany had tried to read over her friend’s shoulder Nikki spun around and pointed her eyes directly into Tiffany’s invisible face; like a tiny fly, she was impossible to see but Nikki could sense an intruder.  Once, she even tried snatching at the impossible insect and would have yanked out a chunk of Tiffany’s hair; thank small miracles for her phasing!

They said blind people’s senses were sharpened by the loss of sight.  Tiffany wondered if lonely people were equally acute due to lack of friendship.

 _Nikki needs a guy who can show her life’s ropes_.  Outgoing and cheerful; someone that would dig her out of her stick-in-the-mud doldrums and encourage her to speak up and to try new things.

Kyu nodded and flipped her magazine sideways to release the centerfold.  “And how about your mama drama?  Got a plan for Miss Misty?”

Tiffany really wished Kyu would stop bringing her up.  “I’m working on it.”

“Whatever you say.  Hey, d’ya mind?  Your wings are starting to flake.”

So they were, splintering and crumbling to the ground like silvery dandruff while her pigtails dimmed to blonde.  “Guess I made it just in time,” Tiffany noted.

“Just a suggestion but could you shed in the bathroom next time?  It’s super inconsiderate how you leave your mess all over the floor.”

Tiffany’s eyebrow jerked.

“Oh and my drink’s empty.”  Kyu shook the empty pop like a collection tin.  “I’d get another from the fridge but,” she tapped her leg cast, “somebody pushed me off a roof, y’know?”

Tiffany opened her mouth to rant, thought better of it and stomped off for the kitchen muttering something about ‘ _calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean…’_

Kyu followed the human with a shake of her head.  “Why are the pretty ones always so crazy?”  She glanced around her rented room and for the first time in weeks it dawned on her what a pigsty she’d been living in.  The fairy tapped her lip, wondering if there was some pixie cleaning magic that would do the trick, when her eyes fell to her ‘literature’ and an even better idea sprouted.

“Dude, we should totally hire a maid!”

* * *

Flying through the night sky, keeping pace with the roar of traffic below; weaving around and even through buildings; there was nothing she couldn’t do.  Transforming into a fairy made Tiffany feel like a brand new girl but she had to remind herself that she didn’t look like anyone entirely new.  She was still Tiffany Maye, just with a pink dye job and wings.  If she was going to approach her friends under the persona of a love fairy she would need a disguise.

_No, not a disguise,_ she reflected, rifling through the racks of dresses at the mall.  Disguises were for creeps and criminals.  _What I need is a costume!_   Preferably something with a low-cut back to fit her wings.  She’d already lost three blouses this week!

“Mmm, magenta would really match your eyes, baby.”

The voice stopped Tiffany dead.  It was a pleasant voice, low and playful, singing in tones that could soothe an infant to sleep or awaken the wildest desires of men, but to Tiffany every word shook like _“Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum,”_ and her heart lurched in her chest as though she was a small child lost in the shadow of a giant.  _Of course she’d shop at this store; I should have been more careful!_   While her insides braced to fly, outside Tiffany kept still and cool.  She kept her eyes on the clothing rack and flipped past the sparkling purple dress as though she hadn’t been shaken to her core.

“Magenta?” Tiffany shrugged.  “Maybe.  If I wanted to look like a slut.”

Her head whipped up at the older woman, at her doppelganger.  Looking at Jessie was like staring into a carnival funhouse mirror.  The basic outline was there – blonde, blue eyed – but the details were twisted and distorted beyond recognition.  Her reflection was curvier and pronouncedly hourglass in shape, with a shockingly fake bake tan and roots bleached to a darker blonde.  Then there was the disgusting leopard print top and the cut-off shorts that would look tacky on a high schooler, never mind a full-grown woman.  Deep down, the differences reassured Tiffany.  Even standing side by side, onlookers would be hard pressed to link them as mother and daughter.

Jessie Maye plucked the purple dress from the rack and added it to the heap of clothes in her arms.  “Let me guess - big party this weekend?  I’m prepping for a cast party myself.  Can you guess what role I just wrapped up?”

Tiffany would rather not but Jessie enlightened her anyway.  “I got to play a superhero, little ol’ me!  Wonder Woman, to be exact.  You see, my character has this lasso,” she pantomimed the twirling rope, “and whoever she catches in it has to tell the truth.  Well, she gets herself all tangled up in her own rope and she has to tell the boys all the _nasty_ things she wants them to do to her.”  Jessie hummed, content with memories that were not quite acting while her hand pointed to an invisible marquee.  “We’re calling it _BatCock v Super-Long Man: Dongs of Justice_.”

Tiffany was scrambling through her purse, looking for a bag to vomit in.

“But enough about me.  How’s my baby been?”

“Keeping a low profile,” Tiffany muttered.  She was spared further conversation when a young store clerk interrupted. 

“You ladies doing all right?  Anything I can help you with?”  It was a small relief he called them ‘ladies’ and not ‘you and your daughter’.  The poor idiot was all smiles and Tiffany pitied the boy; he had no idea of the spider’s web he’d stepped into.

“Why yes, I could use some help,” Jessie faux-pouted.  “My bra strap fell off and my hands are full with all these clothes.”  She offered her bare shoulder – and a generous view of her cleavage – to the stockboy.  “Be a lamb and help me up?”

The boy’s face went tomato red and Tiffany suddenly found the discount rack extremely captivating.  She didn’t need to see this; she’d seen the game – and all of its variations – far too many times in high school.  The ‘ _oops, I got out of the shower and I didn’t know your friends were here_ ’ game; the ‘ _oh dear, I dropped my purse; let me bend over in my mini-skirt_ ’ game, and – Jessie’s personal favorite – the ‘ _ohhh, this popsicle is sooo good but it’s melting faster than I can suck and dripping all the way down my throat_ ’ game.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the exchange.  Cornered between clothes racks and cleavage, the stockboy very carefully, very discreetly took a forefinger and thumb to the black lace and pulled it over Jessie’s tanned flesh.  The older woman purred at the contact and gave an experimental jiggle to test her support.  “Mm, thank you, papi.”

The stockboy nodded and pretended to be called away by his manager.  Jessie giggled, and then patted Tiffany on the shoulder.  “Sorry, baby, that was selfish of me.  He was probably coming to talk with you, wasn’t he?”

Knuckles clenched, Tiffany spun around.  “Do you realize he’s probably a high school student?”

“Mmm, I know.  There’s nothing like eighteen for energy.  He’s a cutie but the girls won’t give him any time if he keeps up that shyness.  Ooh, maybe you and I could give him some pointers?”

“Jessica!”  Tiffany’s whisper was a plea for silence.  “What are you doing here?”

“Hmm?  I was just shopping, baby.”

“Well it looks more like you’re making an ass of yourself!”  Did they really have to have this conversation again?  How bluntly could she spell it out?

“Jessica, I cannot be seen with you.  Ever!  I’m applying to the nursing faculty at the university.  I’m going to be working in a field where I will be responsible for people at their most vulnerable.  Looking after people’s parents, after their children!  Do you think any hospital would hire me if they knew what kind of family I came from?”  Kyanna and Philip; the parents at the swimming program.  “No one would let me near their children, near the people they love, if they knew I was the daughter of a, of a –”

“Of a porn star?”

“Of a whore,” Tiffany finished.  Her breaths were coming in ragged pants.  Jessica’s face kept to a terse neutral but her body was fidgeting.

“Baby, I –”

“I am not your baby,” Tiffany snapped.  “I’ve busted my butt so that people will judge me by what I’ve accomplished.  The minute they know who my mother is that’s all they’ll judge me by.”

Jessie chewed her lip nervously and nodded along.  “If that’s how you feel … I guess,” she hiccupped, “I guess I should be going, then.”

“Don’t guess, just _go_.”

Jessie nodded, reaching a hand around her bundle of clothes to wipe her eyes, wet and runny with mascara.  _No more theatrics_ , Tiffany pleaded, crossing her arms and glaring like a stern teacher while Jessie made her march of shame to the front of the store.  The woman kept glancing back - as she waited in line, as she paid for her purchases - and when her mother wobbled to the entrance and made a final, pleading glance, Tiffany scowled and shook her head ‘no’.

When Jessie was finally swallowed by the crowds Tiffany returned to her clothing hunt, ripping through the dresses with new intensity.  Her mother.  Ooh, just thinking the word made her shudder!  _I’m supposed to help that mess of a woman find love?  Please!_ Her mother had feasted plenty at the banquet of love, and Jessie could continue to stuff herself with all that greasy, rotten junk food sex for all she cared.  She was beyond helping. 

Audrey needed her help.  Nikki needed her guidance.  Two red-listers were plenty work, right?  All she had to do was delay until Kyu healed up and the fairy could fix up that porn fiend with a good serving of lust.

There was nothing here worth buying.  As Tiffany stomped to the entrance the stockboy from before flagged her down and handed over a bag.  “She said I should give it to you when you left.”

Magenta-coloured fabric peeked at Tiffany through the wrapping paper.  The dress.  How typically Jessie – trying to buy forgiveness with a shower of gifts.  She had half a mind to shove the bag down the nearest garbage bin but she just didn’t have the energy to go hunting through another store.  “I’ll try it on,” she grumbled, _so I can prove how awful I’d look._

Well … it wasn’t hideous.  It was a high-collared cocktail dress that fastened around her neck and flared around her hips.  The loose skirt could be a bonus if she had to move quickly but she was relying more and more on her wings to putter around when she transformed.  Tiffany glanced at the fitting room’s angled mirrors.  She didn’t care for the window of sheer fabric that exposed her cleavage but the dress was sleeveless and left her shoulder blades exposed.  And the sequins did have a pretty sparkle.

Stepping out in her regular blouse and tartan, Tiffany thanked the boy for his help and walked out with her acquisition.

It seemed even a whore had her moments of good taste.

* * *

The night was calm, cloudless and, even though she hadn’t planned for it, the full moon was shining through Nikki’s apartment window like a spotlight.  It would be the perfect backdrop for her debut as a love fairy.

As usual, Nikki was bathed in the glow of her video games, a slight frown playing on her face as her thumbs clicked through a difficult level. _Just watch, Nikki; prepare to be dazzled!_   Keeping invisible, Tiffany pressed her face through the window and whispered her friend’s name.  “Nikki?”

Like Carlos, Nikki’s first reaction was disbelief.  She glanced about with a puzzled frown but, seeing no one, she shrugged off the noise and resumed her button mashing. Tiffany’s next whisper came louder.  “Nikki?”

The second whisper put the girl on full alert.  She spun like a wild animal, eyes darting for the first sign of danger.  “Who’s there?” she called, a tiny warble in her throat.  Tiffany couldn’t help but giggle at the overreaction.

“It’s okay, Nikki.  I’m a friend.”

“Like hell you are!  You can’t mess with my head!”  Nikki’s hands raked under her bed for a box marked EMERGENCY ONLY and she prepared her countermeasures: a tinfoil hat slammed over her head, a camouflage poncho whipped around her shoulders and her hands brandished weapons at the ready – a laser pointer and a plastic grabber claw from an arcade crane machine.

“Nikki …?” It wasn’t a call this time so much as weirded out confusion.

“You’re CIA, aren’t you?  Well if you and the rest of your black ops psychics think you can melt my brain into soup, you’ve got another thing coming!  I can blind a pilot at thirty-thousand feet with this thing!”  Nikki’s red laser jerked around the walls while she used her grabber claw to inspect her bedsheets and dresser drawers for government boogeymen.

Tiffany glanced from Nikki in her zombie apocalypse gear to the girl’s computer monitor – finally unguarded.  The web browser headline explained a lot:

_AREA 51 AND THE TOP TEN SECRETS OUR GOVERNMENT IS HIDING._

Great.  Her sullen, shut-in, video-gaming friend was a conspiracy nut.

“Nikki, I’m not from the government.”

“Save it for the sheeple, you imperialist bastard!  I know all your tricks!” Underneath the girl’s panic, a strange adrenaline-buoyed giddiness was bubbling.  “I was right, wasn’t I?  I was right and now they’re after me!  The chem trails, the fluoride in the water, _Catcher in the Rye_ , I was right!”

Maybe it was best to get the show on the road before her friend had a mental breakdown.  “Nikki, I’m coming in.”

Her invisible fingers undid the window latch and pushed the frames open.  Only a tiny gust of wind blew in but in Nikki’s heightened state the little ruffle made her shriek and crash to the floor where she stared in slack jawed wonder as a heavenly body materialized into view. 

Tiffany had admired her outfit in the mirror many times but with the moon at her back and Nikki’s TV reflecting off her glittering fairy skin, she knew she must have been a marvelous sight.  Her pink hair fluttered loose and long between her wings like a glorious cape and her knee high pink boots touched gently on the hardwood floor.  To accessorize Jessie’s donated dress, Tiffany had chosen a butterfly-shaped mask from a costume store, hiding her face in the monarch’s glittery blue wings. 

As for the cat ear headband and the giant novelty cat paws, well, a superhero couldn’t go around leaving incriminating fingerprints, and the tiger-print paws were super cute!

Tiffany looked her friend in the eye and beamed one of her compassionate lifeguard smiles that had calmed dozens of nervous children.  _Come to the water,_ she smiled, arms spread with palms open in a gesture of welcome.  “Nikki, I’m here to help you.”

A pointed finger silenced her speech.  “You’re an alien!”

Tiffany blinked.  “A what?”

“An alien!”  Nikki’s eyes bulged wide with adoration.  “Humanoid, carbon-based but with added limbs.  Oxygen breathing, female sex.  Unless you’re a hermaphrodite.  Are you a hermaphrodite?”  Nikki started crawling forward; Tiffany stepped back and flattened her hands over her skirt.

“Nikki!”

“Are you from the Solar system?  You’re from Titan, right?  All my Skype friends say that aliens would come from Mars, but I keep telling them that Saturn’s moons are way more habitable!”

“I’m –”

“No, don’t tell me – you’re from beyond!  Betelgeuse, right?  Alpha Centauri?  Oh please say Alpha Centauri!”

“I’m actually a fairy…”

Nikki waved off her explanation.  “Please, you don’t have to pretend you’re a monster from human folklore.  Unlike the rest of my species I am super-researched on extraterrestrials.  You don’t have to worry about overwhelming my primitive brain; I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life!”

Tiffany needed a moment to reassess.  “So if I say I’m an alien … you’re okay with me just barging into your room and giving life advice?”

Nikki’s head bobbed like a puppy begging for treats.  She was even panting like a restless dog.  Tiffany sighed and threw Nikki her bone.  “I’m an alien,” she monotoned.

Nikki whooped and squealed like a teeny-bopper in the presence her favorite boy band.  “Yes!  Yes!  Oh my Asimov I am so pumped for this!  Oh, sorry!”  Nikki sprang to her feet, shucked her war-gear and made a weird two-fingered salute.  “Ahem.   _Bah-Weep Graahna Weep Ni Ni Bong!_ I am the human female designated Nicole Ann Marie.  As representative of Earth I welcome you to our planet, Miss … ah?”

“I’m Tiff- ah!”  _Stupid, stupid!_   She’d spent so much time getting her costume ready she hadn’t bothered with a superhero name!  Tiffany quickly faked a cough.  “I mean … yiff!  Yiff, yiff!  Sorry, that’s how I cough.”  She gave a sheepish grin and scratched her head with her kitten glove.

Nikki blinked and wiped the trickle of blood from her nose.

“Sorry, my real name is … is …” Oh why hadn’t she paid attention to any of the sci-fi movies Nikki had shown her?  Names, names!  _Astronima?  Cosmica?  Space Girl who looks like your friend Tiffany and please stop trying to look up my skirt because it’s getting super creepy!  Argh, s_ he was supposed to be a superhero, how could she get all tied up like –

Tied up.

Of course.

There was a perfectly good name she could borrow.  It wasn’t a very foreign or far-out name and it certainly didn’t have a famous history to it; all things considered it had been tarnished through misuse and neglect.  A dusty antique of a name, a Charlie Brown Christmas tree of a name, but it was a name she could polish up with her fairy deeds; show the world its true potential.

Tiffany folded her wings and gave a curtsy to her friend.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Earth female Nicole Ann Marie.  I’m honoured by your hospitality.”  She smiled devilishly.

“You can call me Jessie.”


	5. Level Grinding

The existence of aliens was something Nikki was willing to accept in a heartbeat; the fact that extraterrestrials were interested in visiting her planet out of billions was also no great stretch of the imagination, and neither was their choice to make first contact with a shut-in barista whose greatest achievements were listed on her Xbox Live profile.  There was, however, one thing the gamer girl just couldn’t understand:

“You want to help me find true love?”

Tiffany gave a patient smile and tried explaining again.  “I’ve watched you for a while, Nikki and you look pretty lonely to me.  I can show you how to get out and meet new people; maybe even meet _the one_!”

“I’ve got friends already,” Nikki pointed out.  “We hang, chat; play stuff together.”

“Yes, but how many of those friends have you met face to face?”  Tiffany wasn’t interested in disembodied code names on a screen.

Nikki ducked her head and shuffled her toes.  “One? … No, two?” she added, probably after thinking hard about Audrey.  Tiffany knelt by her side and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“You’re a special girl, Nikki and the world deserves to see you shine.  Will you let me help you?”

After long thought Nikki’s eyes jolted wide with an epiphany.  “You’re studying human courtship rituals and you want me to be a test subject!”

It was tough to keep up her smile but Tiffany forced her cheeks to maintain their glow.  “Yes.  Yes, that is exactly what I am doing,” she deadpanned.  If it got Nikki to go along with her plan, was a little white lie really all that bad?  Her friend seemed happy enough, pumping a fist in approval.

“Count me in, Jessie.  For science.”

“Good,” Tiffany nodded, standing up and checking the time on her Huniebee.  _Nine o’clock.  He should still be there._   “Okay, you go get dressed – the nicest outfit you’ve got.  I’ll fix your hair and make-up.”

“Where’re we going?”

“To the Nutmeg Café,” Tiffany smiled.  “We’re gonna get out there and talk to some studs!”

Nikki’s courage meter sunk to zero.  “R-right now?  I mean, I guess.  Couldn’t we just chill here and play some video games?”

Hands on her hips, Tiffany leveled her frumpiest frown.  “I said, let’s go talk to some studs!” 

Nikki whimpered and toddled off to change her clothes.  _Sorry, girl,_ Tiffany thought, _but if we don’t start now you’ll be making excuses forever._   Only a trial by fire would cure Nikki’s phobias, _and she has to meet him before the physics test this Friday…_

Tiffany exhaled and shook the stage-jitters from her body.  Other than a bizarre introduction her first coaching session was going well, but then again Nikki wasn’t exactly a dominant personality.  Tomorrow night would be the true challenge.

* * *

Audrey never spoke of her home life, leaving Tiffany to play guessing games that all centered around strained relationships and broken families, but none of her soap opera scenarios prepared her for when the Huniebee lead to lead her to the edge of town and an extravagant three-story mansion that took up an entire block with its gardens, fountains and driveways.   _No way, Audrey’s rich?_

The cell phone’s GPS kept blinking faster as she approached the ivy-covered estate so this was definitely Audrey’s home.  Tiffany followed the radar pings to a third-story balcony but hesitated before phasing inside.  _It’s just your friend Audrey,_ she repeated in her mind, but the opulence of the mansion made her feel so small and out of place, like a peasant girl about to have an audience with a queen.  What pearl of wisdom could she offer Audrey that wouldn’t look rusty and run-down compared to her world of glitzy gemstones?

 _But I have to try._   Audrey was on Kyu’s red list for a reason and nothing would get better if she gave into nervous jitters.  Tiffany took one of the deep breaths that always began her scuba sessions and plunged into Audrey’s world.

The room inside clearly belonged to her friend.  Like the red-haired firecracker it was dressed to the nines in flashy fashion: a sparkling chandelier hung from the ceiling; below, thick and fluffy carpets embraced your toes in a fuzzy bliss.  The desk had a mini-fridge and the closet was a walk-in.  Framed theatre posters hung from the walls and exotic fish darted through massive aquarium.  At the center of the opulence loomed the queen’s throne: a four-poster bed draped in silk curtains.  Clouds of skunky-smelling smoke were wafting from within the drapes, followed closely by an off-pitch voice singing Broadway show tunes:

 _Think of me, think of me fondly_  
When we've said good-bye.  
Remember me, once in a while  
Please, promise me you'll try.

Tiffany peeked her head through.  Inside the silk curtains Audrey lounged in the lap of a giant plush teddy bear, alternating between taking a hit from her bong, swigging from a bottle of peach schnapps and giggling over a laptop video, a YouTube compilation of epic fails – home videos of teens crashing their skateboards and other stunts gone wrong.

“Audrey?”  The redhead gave a stoned giggle but only over her video.  Best to cut to the chase.  Tiffany’s invisible fingers muted the laptop, startling her friend.  “Audrey, we need to talk.”  Tiffany yanked the curtains open and buzzed her wings to disperse the reefer smoke.  The swirling clouds made for a nice special effect as she materialized.  Audrey seemed to think so.

“Holy shiiiit!  Us’lly takes me ‘n hour b’fore I start seein’ fairies ‘n shit.”

“This is real, Audrey.”  Tiffany shut the laptop case and moved the bong to the bedside table as proof of her existence, which may have been a bit much considering Audrey’s breathing sped up to jackhammer pace.  “It’s okay, don’t be scared.”

“Oh man, I’m - I’m freakin’ out here!  Shit, what did they put in this grass?”  Tiffany couldn’t pry away Audrey’s alcohol but she was able to convince her friend to step out on the balcony where Tiffany made her drink a tall glass of water.  The fresh air over the swimming pool and rose gardens seemed to stabilize the girl.

“Audrey, my name is Jessie and I’m your fairy godmother.”  Best to stick with a more commonplace term.  Audrey seemed willing to roll with the explanation and raised her wobbling hand to interject.

“Question: why’s my fairy godmother wearing bicycle shorts under her skirt?  You look like a fucking tool.”

Tiffany glanced down at the skin-tight shorts she’d added to her costume since encountering Nikki.  “Let’s just say that we fairies appreciate our privacy.  Especially when we’re flying just overhead.  That’s not important, though.  Audrey, I’m here to grant your heart’s desire: I’m going to help you get a boyfriend!”

Audrey spat up her schnapps with a roaring guffaw.  “Are you serious?  Have you been living under a fairy rock all my life?  I’m Audrey Belrose, bitch!  I can’t even count the number of guys I’ve been with!”

As Tiffany Maye she would have shrugged off that boast with a nervous laugh, but behind Jessie’s butterfly mask she could be as blunt and brutal as she pleased.  “Audrey, all you do is take boys’ money and have sex with them.  How’s that working out for you?”

The liquor bottle phased through Tiffany’s face and fell to the patio with an echoing smash.  “Audrey?”  She froze before her friend’s bloodshot eyes, filled to the brim with three bears’ worth of fury and all directed at a little winged goldilocks who’d been snooping where she shouldn’t be.

“Get out.”

“No wait, I –”

“Get out!  You think you can come in here with your kitty ears and your bug wings and look down on me?  I don’t take shit from some…” she waved her arms for inspiration, “some half-assed hallucination!  Get the fuck out before I beat the shit out of your pasty whore ass!”

When Tiffany just stood there, eyes trembling, Audrey stormed into the room for something else to throw.  When she returned the balcony was vacant and no one could be seen in the gardens below.  Behind the rooftop chimney Tiffany hid with her head in her hands.

_I failed…_

* * *

Tiffany stayed awake all night, terrified of what the next day would bring.  Just as she expected, Audrey’s foul mood carried over and her friend spent the day grunting and snorting at every conversation Tiffany attempted.  The silent treatment continued into lunch, where Tiffany flinched apprehensively every time the redhead stabbed at her plate of butterfly pasta.

“Nine o’clock, Tiff.  We’re going to O’Reilly’s pub and we’re getting shit-faced.”  The invitation wasn’t an offer.

“S-sure, Audrey.”  She didn’t dare refuse after the raw anger she’d witnessed last night.  Her voice didn’t seem unsteady to her but something in her response made Audrey look up.  Reflected in Audrey’s eyes, her face was pale and sweaty.  A tiny chink broke through her friend’s armor and Audrey sighed regretfully.

“I’m not mad at you,” she explained, _though technically you are,_ Tiffany thought.  “I just …” Audrey searched her mind for the right words.  “You ever have dreams, Tiff?”

“I don’t really remember them.”

Audrey dismissed that with a wave.  “Ever have those _Wizard of Oz_ dreams where everyone you know shows up, just … different?”

Tiffany’s hand went to the pink duffle bag at her side, half afraid Audrey would demand it opened and find Jessie’s wardrobe.  “I …”

“Dreams are just your brain, right?  Your brain playing around with all your thoughts and memories.  So everything in your dreams is something you’ve thought up, right?”

Did Audrey think last night’s visitation was all in her head?  “I guess.  We could talk to someone from the psychology department if you wanted to know more.”

“Like I give a shit about those windbags.  It’s just …” Audrey paused before the heart of the matter.  “What’s it mean when all of a sudden your dreams are against you?  When they tell you … that you’ve got it all wrong?”

Their eyes met and Tiffany saw it wasn’t anger eating away at her friend but confusion and anxiety.  In her own aggressive way she was reaching out for help.  _I’ve still got a chance._   “Audrey, I think -”

That thought was cut off when both their phones started chiming: Nikki was paging them for a group Skype chat.  When the video stream came through both girls recoiled.  Nikki, in her barista apron, was doing something she never did.

She was smiling.

“Hey guys, I only have fifteen minutes for break but hear me out.  I’m not supposed to tell anyone about this but I’m just so excited!”  The hair on Tiffany’s neck tingled.  _No, no, no!  Audrey will freak if she learns about him!_   “I’m not really good at this but … argh, I’ll just go out and say it!”  Tiffany braced for -

“Guys, I met an alien!”

\- impact?  _Wait, she’s talking about that?_

Audrey looked across the table, lost for words but communicating plenty with her screwed up face.  _Tiff, where do you find these freaks?_

“Audrey?  Are you still there?  Here, let me tell you what she looks li-”

“Kay!  Nikki, that is just …” Tiffany searched for something diplomatic. “… Swell!  Super swell!  Are you sure there isn’t anything else you’d like to tell us?  You know, something really, really important about your life?”  She’d meant to keep Audrey unaware but she needed something to steer the talk away from pink fairy girls.

“Don’t think so.” There was a pregnant pause as the bluenette flipped through her mental list of recent events.  “Oh, that’s right!  I’ve got a boyfriend!”

Later that evening Kyu would ask her if there had been some kind of explosion on campus.  “Mercury’s man-meat, it was like a hydra’s seven heads started shrieking in unison!  You sure nothing went ka-boom?”  Tiffany would smile meekly and explain how she’d been at ground zero when Audrey had bombarded a tiny smartphone with a gigaton worth of decibel destruction.

“YOU HAVE A WHAT???” 

Over wi-fi, the bombastic sound burst was just a crackle of static to Nikki, who carried on obliviously.

“Well, ‘Kinda Boyfriend’, I guess?  I mean, we’ve only seen each other once but I’ve got his phone number and he wants to see me again!”  Tiffany smiled patiently as Nikki explained the exact events she herself had orchestrated.  How two nights ago she got dressed up and went to the Nutmeg café.  “By yourself,” Tiffany interjected.  How she bought a drink and felt compelled to pass by a corner booth, “on my own,” (Tiffany nodded) where a handsome university boy was struggling to complete his physics homework. 

“His name’s Anton and I think he’s in your class.  Oh, let me text you his picture!”  Audrey thumbed over to her e-mail app and Tiffany scooted across the table to play the role of the excited best friend.  She already knew that Anton was dark skinned with dreadlocks pulled into a ponytail; that he complimented his rugged looks with a sharp wardrobe – turtlenecks, jeans and tiny eyeglasses that gave him an intellectual vibe.  She knew he was struggling to wrap his head around physics and she’d already explained to Nikki that he was an accomplished public speaker – vice-chair of the campus debate team and an executive on the university’s Toastmasters club.  She knew he was fit, clever and gregarious as all get-out – in short, the perfect foil to nurture an introverted gamer – but when Nikki explained all this to her again she squealed anyway and complimented her friend on her catch.

“Anyway, I asked if he wanted help with his math and he did, and after we finished he said I was really smart and we just kept talking and stuff.”  Tiffany smiled.  With the amount of talent perfume she had sprayed during Nikki’s make-up session even a tenured professor would have bowed in awe of her number skills.  Anton had never stood a chance.

“So he asked if I could tutor him and stuff tonight, and if I wanted to grab something to eat after.  Going out to eat, that’s a date thing, right?”  Nikki glanced off-screen at something.  “Shit, I’m back on shift, gotta go.  Oh, I’ll tell you guys about it after, okay?”

The screen winked out and Audrey slowly raised her head, her face plastered with a mix of horror and disbelief as though she’d witnessed a plane crash-landing into downtown traffic.  “She has a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, isn’t that exciting?”  Audrey’s silence was worrying.

“But… she’s Nikki,” the redhead gaped.  “How’s that- ? … I mean, look at her hair!  Her skin!  Those godawful sweaters she wears!  She doesn’t go clubbing, she doesn’t go drinking; she thinks ‘dressing up’ means throwing on a t-shirt without pit-stains!  All she does is sit at her damn computer and you’re telling me this hottie just falls into her lap like it’s raining men?”  Audrey had pulled out her makeup compact and was scanning her dyed hair and lacy ribbons, begging the glass to confirm she was still fairest of them all.  She kept picking at the frosted highlights in her hair, staring at them in terror as though they were gray streaks.  “What am I doing wrong?  Why’s this happening again?”

“Audrey?”

“I have to go,” her friend whispered.

“Go?  Audrey, we have Miss Yumi’s physics class in half an hour.  Where are you-?”

“I need a drink, okay?”  Grabbing her purse and books, Audrey Belrose stormed off in the direction of the bus stop.  Tiffany looked to her duffel bag and brushed her fingers over her hourglass pendant, wondering if she should follow.  _No, Jessie’s the last person Audrey needs to see now._ Her friend needed some time to cool down and someone needed to collect today’s notes.

_Audrey’s a tough girl.  She’ll be okay for a little while, right?_

* * *

She should have followed Audrey.

It was sunset by the time lectures and cheer practice concluded, golden skies casting ominous shadows over the city as Tiffany gulped down a fairy pill and zipped over to Audrey’s castle of a house.  Six hours since her friend had stomped away, six unsupervised hours to cause untold damage.  _God, how could I have been so stupid?_

She found Audrey slumped in a beanbag chair, looking as limp and sluggish as her lump of a cushion.  The table in front of her held a shot glass, an ashtray and an entire liquor cabinet’s worth of different whiskeys, gins and vodkas in half-emptied states.  Another brown bag from the liquor store waited on the carpet with refills.  She watched Audrey dribble herself another finger of scotch, brace herself with a drag of her cigarette and then throw her head back to force the liquor down.  She gagged and coughed but she made herself lick the glass clean.  Her skin was clammy, her eyes were black and baggy, but when she looked up from her muddy glass and saw fairy wings framed by the setting sun, Audrey bared her wolf fangs and chuckled.

“So _tha’s_ th’bottle y’were hidin’ in.”

Tiffany made a point to avoid cussing but she was too horrified to hold back now.  “Christ, Audrey, you’ve been drinking all afternoon?”  She scanned the half-empty bottles and her eyes fell upon the scissors and stray hair scattered over the table.  Audrey’s hair!  Her brow stood out like a bald spot amidst the stubble of her bangs, while the beautiful locks that fell down her back barely passed her neck!  “You were drunk and cutting your hair?”

“Highlights made me look old.  Hadda get’um out,” her friend slurred while Tiffany checked Audrey’s scalp for bleeding.

“How could you be so damn stupid, Audrey?  You could have cut yourself!  Put that glass down, you’re going to give yourself alcohol poisoning!”

The redhead laughed off the concern.  “S’gonna take more ‘n that t’get me … get me …” she paused that thought to vomit over the table.

Tiffany didn’t need any first aid training to guide her actions.  Audrey’s bedroom had an on-suite bathroom in the corner.  Tiffany lifted her friend under the shoulders and flew her to the toilet where she held the remains of Audrey’s red locks until she’d puked up her fill of poison.

“I wanna boyfriend,” Audrey panted between chunks.  “I’m so god damn tired of these losers ‘n creeps, an’ now tha’ blue-haired bitch thinks she’s –” _Urp!_   “Thinks she’s better’n me…”

Was that what this was all about?  Drinking herself stupid and hacking at her hair until she summoned a genie from a bottle? 

“If I help you,” Tiffany said, slow and deliberately so there would be no misunderstanding, “then we’re not doing this so you can brag to your friends; we’re doing this for you, Audrey.  Go and find yourself a trophy boy on your own, but I can help you find the right boy.”

Audrey lolled her head against the bathtub.  “Sure, sure, s’all ‘bout me.”  Despite her sickness she still managed a chuckle.  “Don’ know wha’ yer gonna teach me.  I know how’t make the boys come.”

Tiffany ignored the way Audrey was lifting her leg and running her fingers down her thigh.  “I can show you how to be the kind of person boys will want to stay around.  How to start a real relationship.”

“They won’t leave me?”  The question came in a softness Tiffany had never imagined Audrey capable of.

“Of course not, but you have to promise you’ll do things my way.”

The redhead thought it over and, with a surprising second wind, jumped onto her feet and threw out a hand for an inebriated shake.

“Y’got yerself a deal, Jessie baby.  Make me a lady.  Gimmie th’ ‘Liza Dolittle special.”

“Eliza who?”

Audrey made a stink face.  “Eliza Dolittle!  Y’know?  _Pygmalion?  My Fair Lady?”_ Tiffany blinked.  “Christ d’your fairy parents not take you to the theatre?  … Okay, ever see _She’s All That_?”

“Is that the one where Freddie Prinze Jr. dates the nerd gir-? Oh, I get it, you want me to give you a makeover!”

Audrey pantomimed ringing a game show bell.  “Ding, ding, ding!  Ten points for the retard in pink!  Fan-fucking-tastic, you know your crappy nineties movies.  They set the bar pretty fucking low at fairy school, don’t they?”

 _A personality makeover._ Tiffany forced herself to smile.  _This could take a while…_

* * *

Audrey wasn’t the only one who’d need specialized tutoring.  Nikki had Anton interested in her math skills but if their relationship was going to grow beyond tutor and student, they’d have to start talking about something besides projectile motion in two dimensions.  They’d have to start talking about themselves. 

“First rule for when you’re with Anton,” Tiffany explained, channeling her inner teacher while Nikki sat on her bed, the dutiful student.  “Don’t talk to him about video games.”

Nikki frowned.  “Why not?  Are you saying there’s something wrong with my hobbies?”

“No.  No, of course not,” Tiffany backpedaled.  “It’s nice that you like your games and all.  All those bookshelves full of games… I’m just saying you need to give Anton time to ease into the … uniqueness of your interests.”  Yes, that seemed tact enough.  “So, what are you into besides video games?”

Nikki scratched her head.  “I like art, I guess.  Drawing and stuff.”

Tiffany beamed.  “Drawing, that’s perfect!  What kind of pictures do you like to draw?”

“I dunno.  Mostly Sonic the Hedgehog fanart.  You wanna see my Deviantart page?”

Tiffany winced like she’d bitten into a lemon.  “No.  No thank you, I’ll pass.  Um, Nikki, besides this … “fan art” thing, do you ever draw anything more … personal?” 

Nikki needed a moment to process that.  “Oh!  You mean my Original Characters!  For sure, I’ve got a whole sketchbook!”  She dug up a drawing pad from her desk but paused before handing it over.  Her face was uncharacteristically dark.  “These are all copyrighted so you’d better not steal them, okay?  If I see even a tracing show up on Imgur or Pixiv, you and I are through, got that?”

Her friend looked ready to pull a switchblade and cut her throat.  Were all artists this paranoid about their creations?  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Tiffany nodded with a forced smile.  She flipped through the sketchbook and Nikki hovered at her shoulder to play curator.

“That’s Nikita.  She was my very first OC.  She’s a kitsune and eagle hybrid!  She’s a top-secret assassin with amnesia who can use fire magic and gets sucked into a wormhole and ends up traveling through alternate dimensions.  It basically lets me RP her in different fandoms.”

The winged fox-girl looked oddly familiar.  Something about the blue hair and glasses.  “Hmm.  She’s very …”

“Awesome?”

“Busty.”  The zipper on Nikita’s leather catsuit looked ready to burst off and shoot into someone’s eye.  Tiffany shook her head and kept flipping.  With every page Nikki’s grin grew prouder and giddier while Tiffany’s smile continued to melt like a snowman in April.

Nikki pointed to another character sketch.  “That’s Nicolette.  She has one gold eye and one silver eye.  She’s a cow-girl.”

“Yes, I can see,” though for the life of her she couldn’t understand why you’d point out eye colour of all things.  “Why does she have huge breasts _and_ an udder?”

“Yeah, I was wavering back and forth about that but she looked weird with a flat chest, and the furries would’ve spammed me to death if I got the anatomy wrong, so – best of both worlds, right?  Plus, it’s a totally important plot point for my slash fic.  See, Nicolette gets captured by these three triplet sisters, okay?  And they’re really into -”

Nikki blathered on and Tiffany clutched at her hourglass pendant, wondering if Kyu had included a cyanide pill.

* * *

When it came to personality tics, at least she knew what to expect from Audrey.  “Let’s take it from the top.”  Tiffany cleared her throat and pretended to walk into the bedroom.  “How’s it going, Audrey?”

The redhead shrugged.  “Pretty shitty day, but I’ve had worse.”

Tiffany waited.

“Oh, right.”  Audrey flipped through a stack of cue cards.  “I am good.  How are you?”

“I’m great,” Tiffany smiled.  “Today I went for lunch at –”

“Ugh, really??”  Audrey threw her cards in the air.  “You’re gonna give me your whole life story?”

Tiffany called ‘cut’.  “You have to give people a chance to tell _their_ stories, Audrey.”

“But it’s so friggin’ boring!”  Tiffany sighed and was about to launch into another speech about the give-and-take nature of friendships when Audrey tapped her foot impatiently.  “Uh, I said _‘friggin’_?  That’s gotta be worth one, right?”

“Oh, right.”  Tiffany rifled through a jar labeled NO SWEARS and tossed a chocolate.  Audrey snapped it up in mid-air with canine delight.

“Mmm, caramel…  Hey, this Pavlov guy you were talking about?  I think he was on t’something here.”

 _Baby steps,_ Tiffany reminded herself.

* * *

“Okay, Nikki, I need you to really think hard: you must have some other hobbies you can talk about.”

And think she did, frowning and slurping cola from a straw to fuel her brain with easy sugar.  For a long moment there was only the rattling sound of soda dregs being vacuumed from an empty can – a can Tiffany feared was as empty of drink as Nikki was of ideas – when the bluenette finally mumbled, “I like ships.”

Tiffany did an about-face.  Nikki?  A sailing enthusiast?  “That is so unique!  What kind of ships do you like?  Sailboats?  Kayaks?  Steam ships?”

Nikki wrinkled her nose.  “I’ve never heard of those pairings.  I’m more into Sonadaow, FlutterDash and FrostIron.”

“Frost … Iron?”

“Yeah, but only if it’s gender-swapped.”  Noticing Tiffany’s befuddled face, she added, “It’s probably faster if you just Google it.  Oh, and I’m also into Korrasami and -”

That evening, Tiffany had to hand her laptop over to Kyu for safekeeping.  It was the only way she could stop herself from banging her head on the keyboard.

* * *

“Okay, let’s go over my list one more time.  First rule for dating: no drinking or smoking.”

Audrey scoffed.  “Figures you’d be a killjoy.”  Tiffany ignored her remark and pressed on.

“If you need to be drunk or stoned to enjoy an activity – or another person – then it’s not worth doing.  Second rule: you need to listen to other people and give them a chance to speak.”  Tiffany paused.  Audrey was picking the wax from her ear so she gave the girl a little kick.  “Ahem!  When they’re speaking, you listen to them.”

“All right, all right!  Geez.”

“Third rule – and this is the important one: smile.  When you give off a positive vibe you’ll attract positive people.”  She let her gums sparkle in example but Audrey didn’t seem impressed.

“What if I’m just not in the mood for being a botoxed Barbie doll, all lollipops and sunshine, huh?  What then?”

Nikki, she reflected, had asked a very similar question.  Tiffany repeated her answer: “You force yourself to smile.  If people think you’re easygoing and cheerful they’ll want to be around you.  It’s all about setting up a reputation.”

That seemed to strike a chord with Audrey.  “Reputation, huh?”  She tapped her lip and thought it over.  “Shit, maybe you do know what you’re talking about.”

The redhead stood up, took a few deep breaths and shook out her limbs like she was an actor immersing in a role.  She stared at the floor, gathered her thoughts and when her face popped up, her eyes and mouth sparkled like Tiffany’s fairy skin. She folded her hands behind her back and taped her toe shyly.

“Hi, my name’s Audrey Belrose,” she chirped in a high, bubbly range.  “It’s super swell to meet’cha!  So, what’s shakin’, bacon?”

Audrey reverted to her natural grumpiness. “How’s that?  Plastic enough for ya?”

Tiffany had to work just as hard as Audrey to force a smile. 

 _Plastic, huh?_  

* * *

Besides the conversation part of dating, Tiffany realized that Nikki needed help with the intimate side of relationships.

“Right, so you’re meeting Anton for a movie tonight.  You meet in front of the theatre, he offers you his hand and you –?”

“High five?”  Nikki was hopelessly lost.

“You take his hand,” Tiffany corrected, “and you hold on to it.”  Nikki started grumbling but she pressed on.  “Nikki, this is part of dating.  Holding hands, touching each other; it’s something you do with your boyfriend.”

“Maybe.  If you’re a shallow narcissist and all hung up on physical gratification.  I’m not a slut,” she mumbled.  Tiffany sighed in frustration.

“Okay, let’s practice.”  Before Nikki could object she plopped next to her on the bed, hip to hip, and squeezed Nikki’s palm in her own.  Her friend freaked.

“Wha-what’re you –?”

“Just pretend I’m Anton,” Tiffany explained.  “We’ll start small – thirty seconds, and then we’ll try for longer, okay?”

They sat on the bed, pretending to stare ahead at a movie screen.  Nikki’s hand was greased over with sweat but Tiffany refused to let go.  Thirty seconds passed by.  “How was that?” Tiffany checked.

“Um, okay, I guess.”  Nikki hadn’t let go of her hand yet so Tiffany decided to up the ante.

“Okay, now this is totally cheesy, but when Anton’s ready to take things to the next level he’ll pretend to yawn, like this.”  Tiffany stretched her arms above her head and gave a phony, overdramatic yawn.  When her arms lowered, she wrapped one around Nikki’s shoulder and pulled her close.

Nikki’s face went pale.

“What’cha think?”

Nikki swallowed very carefully before murmuring, “S’nice…”  Her eyes were shut but the look on her face was pleasant and relaxed.  After another moment Tiffany released her hold but Nikki stayed cradled against her shoulder.

“Um, Nikki?  You can stop now.”

“Huh?”  Her friend woke as if from a dream, beet red all over her face.  Tiffany giggled.

“See, that wasn’t so bad.”

“Y-yeah,” Nikki agreed, staring off at the floor and rubbing the spot where the fairy had held her shoulder.

* * *

While Audrey was confined to remedial training, Nikki was climbing the dating slopes with surprising ease.  Maybe it was because Tiffany insisted on shadowing her “sorta dates” with Anton and shooting a glare at her friend any time she went off script.  Ask Anton about his hobbies.  Talk about the news or weather.  Never go into any specifics about your how much you hated your day or how much you love your weird video games.  It was a precarious balancing act but with Jessie’s tutoring Nikki managed to build up a solid foundation with her “kinda boyfriend”.

Then Anton invited her to one of his Toastmasters meetings on campus and everything fell to pieces.

Nikki had sat silently through the member introductions and prepared speeches but when the group moved to something they called ‘Table Topics’ - basically, impromptu speaking - the room full of professional speakers wasn’t about to let a newcomer get away without some contribution.  The MC called on Nikki; Anton and the crowd clapped and cheered her on - “Ni-kki, Ni-kki!” - and very reluctantly and red-facedly she shuffled in front of the crowd to try her best.  Her assigned topic?

Nikki coughed and stared at her sneakers for half a minute.  “T-things that bug me …” Her eyes hunted for inspiration and fell on her love fairy.

Tiffany had to stay invisible and silent but she’d brought a pad of paper for these occasions.  In bold, black letters she scribbled ‘THE WEATHER’ and waved the lifeline at her pupil.

“What really bugs me is …” 

At her side, Tiffany noticed Anton broadcasting some silent encouragement of his own, mouthing ‘say anything’.  Tiffany shook her head in a furious NO, NO, NO and waved at Nikki to avoid the dark side.

Nikki looked from Jessie’s manic head-shaking to Anton’s reassuring smile and plunged head-first down the dark path.  “What really bugs me is the new Sonic the Hedgehog spin-off series, _Sonic Boom!_   Ugh, where do I start?”

The impromptu speeches were only supposed to last a minute but Nikki made the crowd sit and listen to her rant for a solid five, launching into a rambling monologue about minor modifications to character designs and overhauled gameplay mechanics that had destroyed her beloved franchise.  Not only that, but she paced around, she stamped her feet and she shook her fists like a crazy person!  Tiffany paled.  Other speakers had talked about world hunger or child poverty and here was Nikki spilling her guts over a god-damn video game character! 

“… So in conclusion, the _Sonic Boom_ spin-off series seriously makes me get in touch with my masculine side because every time I see Sonic with blue arms, sports bandages and that stupid Nathan Drake scarf it feels like I’ve been sacked in the balls.  Thanks for raping my childhood, Sega!” 

There was a painful pause before Nikki added, “um… the end,” and scanned the crowd of stunned and confused Toastmasters, each of whom forced themselves to offer a lukewarm applause.  Nikki didn’t seem to notice.  Her eyes lit up hopefully at her love fairy.

Tiffany offered no smile in return, just a pair of horrified goggle-eyes.  Her wings fluttered for the door and she hoped Nikki would get the message.  Sure enough, her friend’s sneakers clomped down the hall after her.  “Jessie?”  Tiffany let her follow until they exited the building for the cold night air then went fully invisible.  “Jessie?  Oh god, I’m sorry!  Please don’t go!”

While Nikki spun and hunted for the invisible fairy, Tiffany looked to the vial of purple magic now in her hand.

HEARTBREAK PHEROMONES

EMERGENCY USE ONLY.  FOR THE IMMEDIATE CESSATION OF ALL DATING ACTIVITIES, APPLY LIBERALLY.

It was over now.  No way Anton would give Nikki the time of day after she’d gone full geek.  Best to wipe the slate clean and start from scratch.

“Nikki?”  Doors slammed open and – speak of the devil – Anton came puffing after his runaway guest.  “Nikki, why’d you run off like that?”

 _Perfect_ , Tiffany thought.  She could spray Nikki and let him waft up the pheromones all at once.  While Nikki fidgeted and spilled out her apologies - “Oh god, Anton, I never should have said any of that stuff.  I must’ve sounded so stupid!” - Tiffany buzzed behind the pair and aimed the vial at the back of her client’s skull.  She couldn’t do this while looking Nikki in the eye. 

“So… um, sorry for going on like that.  Yeah…”

Anton frowned and crossed his arms.  “Nikki, that speech you gave just now …” Tiffany clenched her eyes and braced to fire, “was pretty intense!”

 _Huh?_  

Anton scratched his head.  “I mean, I’ve never played any Sonic games before but you really gave us a solid introduction.  You had gestures, vocal variety and a whole lot of intensity.  We could all feel your passion!”

The heartbreak vial clattered to the pavement.  Nikki and Tiffany’s jaws dropped equally low as Anton continued his critique.

“Um, about that thing you were doing with your fingers,” and he mimicked Nikki’s gesture: elbows locked at his side, forearms out straight and digits flailing in the air.  “Were you pretending to type on a keyboard?”

“Oh, um, yeah.  Like, when I get into flame wars on messageboards, I kinda type better when I talk out loud to myself.  So I figured I might talk better if I typed what I was saying.  So… yeah.”

Anton nodded along.  “Okay, interesting strategy.  Um, for future reference I would try and stay away from using rape analogies…”  Anton leaned over.  “But, I totally get where you’re coming from, what with a company messing with one of your favorite properties.  Heck, I remember _Bomberman Act: Zero_ on the Xbox 360…”

Nikki jumped in his face.  “Omigod, that’s the one where they rebooted the chibi little robot as this creepy Terminator knock-off with chains and claws.”

“Totally sucking up to the ‘badass, first person shooter’ crowd.”

“I know!  Like, if you only play games that are ‘mature’ and ‘hardcore’, whatever.  Go enjoy your douchey, Triple-A shovelware but don’t drag my favorite characters into your crappy marketing ploys.  It’s so annoying!”

“Absolutely asinine,” Anton agreed.

“Wait,” Nikki paused.  “You play video games?”

“Sure, I’ve got a Super NES back at my dorm.  I’m kinda into the retro games.”

“No shit, I’m all about the 16-bit classics!”  She shook her head.  “I don’t get it.  You’re like, smart and popular and …” she coughed, “um … really hot.  Don’t you think games are a waste of time?”

Anton gave another of his reassuring smiles.  “If people have a problem with me enjoying some games with my friends, they’re not worth my time.  Right?”  Tiffany just blinked stupidly while Nikki nodded in complete agreement.

“Hey, do you want to go back to my room after the meeting?  Maybe I can show you my console?”

The goofiest grin was spreading over Nikki’s face.  “Um … yeah, that sounds cool ‘n stuff.  M-maybe we could try some, y’know… two player games?”

“You are on, Nik.  Just don’t think I’ll go easy on you just because it’s your first time.”

“Hey, I like mounting a challenge, so you’d better make it ultra-hard.” 

“Oh, you’ll find I’ve got the stamina to last all night.  You are going down, missy.”

Tiffany, for the life of her, could not figure out if they were trading innuendos or just legitimately geeking out.

“So, care to finish the meeting?”  Anton’s hand was extended in offering.  Nikki hesitated, so Tiffany dropped her veil and gave the girl a push forward.  Nikki stumbled forward and caught her fall on Anton’s chest.  Both blushed madly.

Anton was still waiting on her response.  Nikki took a quick glance back and Tiffany shot her a thumbs up.  _Go get ‘im, tiger!_

Nikki smiled back at Anton.  “Yeah, let’s get going.”

Tiffany watched the two gamers walk away hand in hand and with every step, the frown over her face grew.

 


	6. Player vs Player

"Excuse me, Tiffany Maye?" It had been a week since that damnable Toastmasters meeting and hearing that voice still made her scowl. Tiffany paused before the lecture hall doors and let Anton speak his peace. "Hi, you probably don't remember me but we -"

"I know who you are, Anton. You're the guy who's seeing my friend, Nikki. The guy who secretly loves playing video games."

Anton took a step back. Good, he was at least one rung above the bone-headed males who couldn't tell when you were angry. "Sorry," he coughed, "have I caught you at a bad time?"

"No, no problem at all. The only problem _I_  have is with liars who lead secret double lives."

"You're upset that your friend's boyfriend plays video games?" She didn't care for his sarcasm but at least he was quick on the uptake. "Okay, first, I don't think my free time is any of your business, and second, I may not be crowing it from the rooftops but gaming's not a hobby I'm keeping bottled away."

_Yeah, but what else are you hiding?_  He was dark-skinned and dreadlocked, but the animal Tiffany saw was just as treacherous and untrustworthy as the leopard-printed Jessica.  _Little white lies add up; tiny secrets grow and fester until they explode._  Tiffany took a step into his face so he wouldn't miss a word. "I've got my eye on you, Anton. The minute I learn you're up to no good, I will end you and Nikki. Got that?"

The boy wasn't sure what to say except, "okay…" Warning delivered, Tiffany pushed into the lecture hall. Anton followed a half-step behind. "Actually, Tiffany, I wanted to talk to you about Nikki. Well, it's more about what Nikki had to say about you. She's worried, Tiffany. She says you've stopped coming to your group meetings and aren't answering your phone when she calls."

_This conversation again?_ "I told Nikki, I've been busy with -" The Huniebee sprang to life with  _Love Machine_. Tiffany snatched the foul machine from her purse and scanned the notification. "Dammit, Carlos, enough with these surprise lunch dates!"

Anton was probably giving her a weird look.  _Let him gawk,_  she snorted, jabbing the keypad and stuffing the abominable phone into the depths of her handbag. Sure enough, Anton stared at her as though she'd grown a second head. "Tiffany, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"Have you looked in a mirror?" Anton opened his phone's camera app so she could see herself on screen. Her eyes were black and rimmed with heavy bags, the buttons on her blouse were pinned out of order and her pigtails were set at crooked angles. "Not to mention this is the first physics class you've attended all week! Tiff, if you need to talk, I know some of the counselors from student services. Trust me, you do not want to burn out this early in your studies."

Where did he get off calling her 'Tiff' like they were friends? "I don't need your help."

Anton relented. "Okay, okay. Look, one last thing: Nikki's also stressing about that other girl in your group, Audrey. How do I put this? Have you ever seen that movie,  _The Stepford Wives_ , where the town replaces all their women with perfect, perky 1950s housewife-robots?"

As if on cue, the auditorium doors swept open and a brand-new Audrey Belrose pranced in on ray of sunshine. The redhead was dressed as though she'd just transferred from a Catholic girl's school: blue checkered skirt, white blouse and a modest cardigan. Her wild hair was pulled back with a white headband, her buttons were done up to the collar and her stockings didn't betray an inch of skin. Clutching her books to her chest, holding her back perfectly straight, Audrey scanned the room and beamed a pearly-white smile for her classmates.

Anton looked to Tiffany. "I'm worried that if she hears a logical paradox, her CPU will crash."

_So typical of men to complain when a girl starts dressing nicely._ "She looks fine to me," Tiffany shrugged while shaking out a pill from her hourglass pendant. Anton frowned.

"Are you taking pep pills to keep you awake?"

"I wish." The auditorium had exits at both the top and bottom level and she bolted for the lower exit and the girl's washroom around the corner. One costume change later, the masked Jessie buzzed into the classroom just as the new and improved Audrey skipped up Anton.

"Hiya! What's on tap, Cap? Hey, did you see this like, blonde girl with these super-cute pigtails run by?"

"Tiffany? I have no idea where she went."

"Oh fudgicles, she keeps getting away!" Audrey broke from her pout to take a closer look at the boy. "Hey, I totally know you - you're Nikki's boy, Anton! We met at the café the other night when she brought you to our study group! So like, what's up? All pumped for physics?"

"Not as much as you, I'm guessing."

"Like, no duh! Physics is super awesome," Audrey giggled. "Well, I'm gonna grab a spot, so TTFN - ta ta for now!" As soon as she sat next to Jessie, the invisible hooks holding Audrey's smile dropped.

"My gums are killing me from all this smiling crap," she hissed at her fairy. "Please tell me we're going after a guy today or I am going to lose my shit!"

They had a few minutes before Ms. Yumi stumbled in to begin her lecture so Tiffany filled Audrey in on their target. "Marco Manolis. Third year student, plays wide receiver on the university's football team. He's here on an athletic scholarship studying physical therapy but everyone's sure he's going to be scouted for the NFL. Besides managing classes and practices, he's president of the Zeta Alpha Epsilon fraternity and the super-nicest guy around!"

Tiffany could speak from experience on that last one. The other football stars were downright hostile to the cheer squad with their catcalls and comments but Marco had been nothing but a gentleman to her squad mates.

Audrey flipped through the Huniebee's pictures and hummed her approval. Blonde, faux-hawked Marco in his team uniform, Marco jogging in tight shorts, Marco playing ultimate Frisbee on the 'skins' team. He wasn't beefy like some of the weight-lifting fanatics on team, but he owned that six pack. "Shit, I thought you'd have me date a bunch of practice losers before we went after a real guy." Still, something made her frown. "You sure, though? I've heard some creepy-ass shit about the Zeta-House guys."

"Yeah, I've heard the stories," Tiffany agreed. How the Hawaiian flower leis hung from the fraternity's porch represented each intoxicated first-year 'laid' at their last party; colour-coordinated to match the underwear confiscated from each girl. "But that was before Marco took charge. He's done a whole lot to clean up that place, Audrey. Trust me, he's responsible, he's charming and he's single!"

"All right, fine. Let's try one of your 'nice guys' for a change. Probably a closet pervert, though…"

* * *

 

Once the dismissal bell rang they were off and running to the third floor where Marco's statistics class was filing out. The receiver was chatting with two equally fine-looking friends -  _not good, we need him alone_  - so Tiffany buzzed close and played the role of a stray wind: snatching loose papers from each boy's backpack and flying down the hall with her captures. She made the boys chase her around the corner before letting the papers flutter to the ground.  _Now, time to engineer a fateful meeting._

Tiffany zipped behind Marco and pinched her fingers around the wallet in his back pocket. Marco walked on but the wallet slipped out and dropped to the floor. Before anyone could intercept, Audrey jogged up and claimed the billfold. Then she opened it up and started rifling through the bills.

"What're you doing? Marco's getting away!"

"Yeah, yeah. First I get to take a finder's fee, right?"

Tiffany solidified and slapped her hand away. "You are not stealing from your future date! Get going," she hissed and shoved Audrey towards her target. Audrey grumbled something about a 'flyswatter' but did as she was told, sucking in a deep breath and preparing her acting chops for the big scene.

"Um, s'cuse me?" Marco turned to face the high-pitched call and Audrey almost skidded into his solid frame. Marco was a towering 6'3" and Audrey froze a moment while she took in his muscles and his deliciously tight shirt. "Um, hiya! So, like, I think you totally dropped this back there."

Marco looked at the offering and patted his jeans in shock. "My wallet! How'd I lose that?" He flipped through the billfold, impressed to find everything as he'd left it. "Thanks. Y'know, most people would've just emptied it and dumped in the lost and found bin."

"I know! Like, doesn't it make you super-sad how selfish some people can be?"

"Well, I owe you one." He offered an enormous palm. "Marco Manolis."

"Audrey Belrose," she smiled, entrusting her slim hand into his massive grip. Tiffany took the moment to shoot her with orange romance pheromones.

"Belrose…" Marco raised his brow quizzically and his eyes rifled through his head for a memory. "Audrey Belrose… Sorry, I thought I'd heard that name before, but -" he paused to scan her prim and proper school clothes, "I must have mixed you up with someone else."

Audrey tittered and waved off the mistake. "Aw, it's nothing; I  _so_  get that a lot."

Marco nodded, but his narrowed eyes were still trying to pin her down. "Well, Miss Audrey Belrose, you're my Good Samaritan for the day. Think I could buy you a drink to say thanks?"

"A drink?" Audrey's surprise was no act. "I mean, sure! That sounds super swell! I'd love to have a soda with you."

Marco's brow popped at her choice of beverage. "Soda, huh? Now I know I've got you mixed up with someone else."

* * *

 

The restaurants in the university's central plaza all carried liquor licenses but Marco followed Audrey's lead and ordered cokes for the two of them. They exchanged the usual small talk of two students meeting for the first time - what classes they attended, which profs they enjoyed and avoided, and what clubs and extra-curriculars kept them busy (Audrey bluffed her way through with how much she "loved swimming 'n cheerleading. I totally wanna try out for cheer squad next year!") Their smiles and laughter were genuine but Tiffany noticed a cautiousness in each of their eyes. The little booth holding their plate of shared French fries might as well have been a green-velvet poker table, because each participant was keeping their cards closely guarded as they tried to suss out the opponent before them.

Audrey was the first to ante up. "So Marco, I heard you were seeing three girls at once last term."

Marco gave an easy-going smile. "Only three? Pretty sure I had at least nine honeys on my plate last June." Tiffany giggled at his comeback but Audrey nearly choked on her drink. "That was a joke," Marco added, offering her a napkin to dab off her face.

"The truth is, last year I went through a string of really bad relationships. You meet someone new, you think you're getting into a good zone and then you realize they're only interested in you so they can brag about how they're dating a football star." Marco shook his head. "And it just kept repeating. Girls who want a trophy boyfriend because they figure you're pro material. So yeah, I did date a few girls last year, and yeah, I'm not surprised they're spreading rumors about me being some two-timing player when  _they_  were the ones seeing guys behind my back and sponging off me for drinks and presents."

Audrey cracked a nervous smile. Marco smiled back and played his own hand. "Of course, you probably know what I'm talking about. No offense, but when you told me your name I thought you were going to be this crazy party girl I'd heard about."

"Well, let's just say I know a few bitc- I mean, girls who would like, seriously wanna drag my name down in the mud. But that's totally not who I am. I don't even like alcohol. I mean, doesn't it taste super yucky?" Marco nodded along so she kept going. "I'm super into school, y'know? I mean, why else would I be here, right? I wanna apply to the nursing faculty next year. I mean, helping other people, it just makes me feel like … super, y'know?"

Tiffany was going to need a drink if she had to stomach any more of this parody, but Marco kept smiling and nodding and eating up her charade. He glanced quickly at his watch. "Would you excuse me for a minute? Gotta take a call from nature."

"Oh, like no problemo," Audrey smiled. The instant Marco disappeared around the corner her bubbly grin popped. "Well that was a fucking waste of time." Tiffany tried to protest but Audrey cut her off. " _Going to the bathroom?_  Jess, I don't know how you do things in fairy world, but when you tell your date you're leaving to piss, it means you're fucking ditching them. Trust me, I know how this works."

"Audrey, give him a chance."

"What if I do? Were you listening to Saint Football over there? He's fucking done with skanky, slutty party girls, and did you see that look he gave when I fed him that 'super happy nurse' speech? He knows I'm full of shit and he's not buying it. Ugh, I knew your crappy 'nice girl' routine was full of it!" Audrey pulled a silver flask from her purse, dumped the contents into her drink and offered herself a toast. "Here's to wasting my time."

"Wasting what?" Audrey jumped at the sound of Marco's voice.

"You came back?"

"Of course I came back. I left my bag, didn't I?" Audrey glanced sheepishly at the knapsack left underneath Marco's chair. "You didn't think I was gonna split and leave you with the tab, did you?"

Audrey's mouth hung open, waiting for an excuse to fly out. Finally, she admitted, "Um, I guess I've had a couple bad relationships too." Tiffany would have substituted  _'caused_ ' into that answer but it was the most genuine thing she'd said all day.

She followed Audrey's eyes to the white plastic bag Marco had brought back with him. He notices the stare and handed it to Audrey with a smile. "I made a detour to the campus bookstore. I figured I owed you more than just a drink."

A gift? Tiffany's wings buzzed into overdrive but Audrey just stared dumbly as she pulled off the plastic covering. "A notebook?" she frowned.  _Not just any notebook_ , Tiffany realized, but a 200-page NotePro binder with coiled binding, five sub-sections and a velvet red cover you could personalize with a nameplate. This was the Armani of notebooks! Audrey glanced at her fangirling love fairy and got the hint.

"I mean, oh wow, a  _notebook!_ This is super awesome! You got this for me?"

"I figured an academic girl like you could always use more space for notes."

"Oh, totally! I am all about learning 'n shi- err, stuff. Learning and stuff."

Marco glanced at his watch again. "Hey, I don't mean to rush but I've got another class starting in fifteen. This was fun, though."

"It was?" Audrey exclaimed.

"Absolutely. You seem different from the other girls, Audrey. I'd love to hang out again someti-." Audrey cut him off, snatching Marco's wrist and scribbling her phone number onto his palm.

"Call me," she said hungrily. Then she coughed. "You know, if you're not doing anything."

Marco flashed her another winning smile before leaving. "You bet. Oh, and that notebook? Don't save it for a rainy day, if you get my drift."

Audrey and the invisible Tiffany glanced at each other and flipped open the cover. Marco had written his name and number on the front page along with an address.

_565 Fleet Avenue. Saturday, 10 am. Meet me?_

Tiffany heaved a huge gasp. "No way, he set this up so he could ask you on a date! That's adorable!"

"Before he even got my number? Shit, this guy's smooth as fuck." Audrey traced her fingers over the page as though to assure herself this was no joke. Tiffany grinned and ribbed her friend.

"So? Gonna rendezvous for round two?"

"Fuck, yeah." She paused. "I mean… totally, I'm like super pumped!"

* * *

 

The excitement both girls felt was exchanged for puzzlement when the Saturday bus dropped them off in the middle of an industrial area lined by warehouses. Audrey looked at the business signs - an autobody shop, a carpet warehouse - but failed to find any place she deemed 'date-worthy'. "He tricked me, I knew it!"

But Marco was proving to be an expert at surprise reversals. "Audrey!" he called, waving from across the street and jogging over to meet her. "Thanks for coming. There's a special place I wanted to show you. Hope you don't mind a quick walk."

"It's totally no big deal! Besides, I think it's super important to exercise!" Tiffany rolled her eyes.  _This from the girl who was hacking up a lung over a two-block jaunt to transfer buses._  Well, as long as she kept positive in front of Marco…

Their destination was a single-story warehouse with a giant paw print logo printed above the entrance. Tiffany gasped as though she stood at the gates of Disneyworld. "An animal shelter!" she squealed, but Audrey wore the stunned disappointment of a child brought to the second-rate doors of Six Flags.

"An animal shelter?" she repeated, looking at Marco as though he'd served her non-alcoholic beer.

"Yeah, I volunteer here. You said you were signing up for nursing next year and I know this isn't quite the same as treating people, but I thought you'd enjoy seeing and working with the animals."

Audrey glanced at her still-squealing fairy godmother to determine just how much enthusiasm she should play up. "Wow, that's super-duper thoughtful of you, Marky! I can't wait to see all those cutie-pie puppies and itty-bitty baby kitties!"

"Well you're gonna love these guys. Here, let's sign in and get you a smock. Today's a bathing day for the cats!"

Audrey frowned. "I thought cats didn't like water."

"Oh they hate it! Trust me, these guys kick and bite if they so much as see a drop of the wet stuff. They'll really toughen you up!"

"Yay. I think."

The regular staff were all welcoming of Audrey, giving her a white coat to wear over her school clothes. Marco did the heavy lifting of actually grabbing the panicky cats and soaping them down in a basin while Audrey maneuvered a shower head to spray them down. The felines yowled and squirmed every time Audrey levelled her hose at them but Marco accepted their scratches and wriggling with a good-natured laugh.

"There you go, little guy," Marco cooed as he toweled off a gray and blue-eyed kitten, the latest victim of Audrey's soaking. "That wasn't so bad now, was it?" and he nuzzled his nose in the cat's fur, earning himself an affectionate lick.

Tiffany was melting in a puddle of squeals but Audrey's  _aww_  was clearly forced.

"Why the fuck would you let those nasty-ass hairballs lick your face?" she asked her fairy afterwards. "You know what else cats lick with their tongues? Their balls, that's what!"

It was five o'clock and Audrey was scrubbing her hands in the washroom of an Indian restaurant. Marco insisted he treat her to dinner after the day's work at the shelter and Tiffany was trying her best to keep the conversation positive.

"But wasn't it adorable how all those kittens cuddled up to Marco? Or how he fed that sick one milk from a dropper?" Just mentioning those scenes made her heart flutter.

"Maybe," Audrey snorted. "What's your point?"

"My point is he's a complete sweetheart and he's super romantic. Admit it, when he came up behind you and showed you how to towel off the little puppy you were blushing."

"Well who wouldn't get all hot and bothered when a guy comes and hugs them from behind?"

"And wasn't that little plushy he surprised you with just the cutest?" The stuffed fox doll was still poking its head from Audrey's purse.

"It's nice to have a guy who'll buy you stuff," she admitted. The frown on her face just wouldn't leave, though. "I dunno, he's just weird. A guy who takes you to a charity instead of a party, who orders water instead of beer? He hasn't even tried grabbing my ass or pulling at my clothes." She looked at her love fairy carefully. "You're sure he's not gay?"

"Audrey, he's not like that. Marco is a nice guy."

"Nice people are like Santa and the Easter Bunny. They don't exist. Everybody's after something; hell, even you're doing this because it's your job and you get paid."

_Indentured service, if we're being technical,_ Tiffany thought. "How can you be so cynical?" she asked aloud. "What about your friends, Nikki and Tiffany?"

Audrey stiffened for a second, then pretended not to hear. "Look, I'm finishing my free food and going home. You coming?"

It wasn't the silence that hurt so much as Audrey's choice not to defend them. "Yeah," she exhaled. "I've got your back."

* * *

 

Audrey's ability twist kindness into callousness left Tiffany exhausted and in need of a pick me up. What she wanted was that rush of excitement you could only get from drinking morning coffee, binging on bad junk food or gossiping about a friend's successful date. Wary as she was of Anton, she was counting on Nikki to deliver that endorphin rush, but the bluenette only sent her crashing.

"Nikki, what's going on? You're supposed to be on a date with Anton!" Why was she at home instead of that romantic café? Why was she lounging in pajamas after they'd picked out the cutest sweater-vest outfit for her?

"Oh, I kinda told him I had a headache and needed to go home early. So, yeah. Oh, I bought this new two-player game, did you wanna try?"

"You cancel a date because you're feeling sick and now you're well enough to play video games?" That reasoning was so full of holes Tiffany was ready to slice it up and call it Swiss cheese. "Why didn't you invite Anton over to play?"

Nikki bowed her head, fighting off a nervous grin. "Well, I thought maybe the two of us could hang out tonight. You know, have a slumber party?"

A slumber party. She was busting her butt getting her friend a steady boyfriend and Nikki wanted to put love on the backburner for a sleepover? Tiffany plopped herself on the bed and massaged her masked temple. Nikki shuffled over cautiously.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," Tiffany grunted, "just a little tired." She'd been averaging four hours of sleep a night but you didn't see her taking time off to braid hair or giggle over truth or dare.

"It's cool if you wanna stay here tonight. We could, um, share the bed."

Was that a bad joke? "You seriously want to hang out with me tonight? Just stay in, playing video games or something?"

Nikki smiled sheepishly. "Or … something." Tiffany shook her head. She never should have introduced herself as an alien.

"No, I need to get going."

That terrified Nikki. "Don't go, please? We'll do more training if you want. We can practice holding hands again, can't we?"

"You're doing fine on your own, Nikki."

"B-but I need to practice talking good 'n stuff! Here, I'll tell you all the news I read today and you can tell me about your home planet!"

"Another time, okay? Hanging out with me is not going to get you into a relationship."

Nikki's lip quivered and she played her trump card. "I made you ice cream! See?" Tiffany frowned at the offering. Nikki's interpretation of 'made' translated as 'removed a bucket of strawberry sherbet from the freezer and stuck two spoons in it', but her friend presented the treat like it was a Thanksgiving turkey.  _Well, she deserves an 'A' for effort._  Tiffany mustered up a smile and patted Nikki on the shoulder.

"Look, let's both just get some rest tonight and you think about where you want to go with Anton this weekend, okay?" Nikki's body slumped like a scolded puppy so she added, "Once you pick a spot we can sit down and figure out your clothes, okay?"

Nikki perked up instantaneously. "You mean it? Okay, I'll put together a list and show you my top picks tomorrow!"

Tiffany smiled and wondered why Audrey couldn't be so easy to please.

* * *

 

It seemed both her friends were going through a rebellious phase and calling off plans at the last minute. As Jessie, she was supposed to spend Saturday practicing conversations with Audrey but when she phased into the redhead's room, lessons were abruptly cancelled.

"Cancelled?" Tiffany repeated. "Audrey, you promised me you'd add our meeting to your phone calendar!"

"Yeah, well I've gotta clean my fish tanks today, so sucks to be you." Though Audrey constantly primped and polished herself until every hair on her head and every fibre of her wardrobe was perfection incarnate, today she dressed in loose shorts and a rag t-shirt with her hair tied back in a ponytail. "You can stick around or whatever but I'm busy."

Too tired to make the return flight home and too peeved to let this go unchallenged, Tiffany plopped down on Audrey's beanbag chair, determined to sulk and glare at the back of Audrey's head until her rich friend felt as grumpy as she did. But Audrey was surprisingly adept at ignoring people she didn't care for, and brooding very quickly became boring, so Tiffany started watching her friend's work in earnest.

Audrey kept five tanks in her bedroom, each housing a mix of fish in exotic shapes and colours. Yellow fish with stripes like tigers, blue ones with fins that billowed like ballroom gowns. Tiffany could pick out the clown fish thanks to that Pixar movie, but the rest of the pets were new and astonishing. Audrey used a plastic thermos to scoop each one into a temporary holding bowl. Then, with a surgeon's concentration, Audrey picked out all the coral and castle decorations, used some sort of vacuum hose to drain the water and got to work scrubbing the algae buildup.

Scrubbing. Tiffany had to rub her eyes to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. Privileged, party girl Audrey - who grumbled about her boyfriend being too nice - was bent down in manual labour without the faintest whisper of complaint on her lips. Rather than complaining, she started humming to herself as she cleaned, and gradually the humming grew into lyrics.

_Father once spoke of an Angel_  
I used to dream she'd appear.  
Now as I sing I can sense her  
And I know she's here.

Audrey eventually pulled out her phone and punched up an instrumental playlist to accompany her as she yowled out sappy, sentimental lyrics from  _Phantom of the Opera_. Her singing was tone-deaf and awful but Audrey poured her heart and soul into belting out every line like a first-class diva. Tiffany blinked and shook her head at this scene out of a Cinderella story: Audrey, down on her knees with a cleaning rag, buffing and polishing and singing a song to keep up her spirits.

"It's funny, I never would have pegged you as this."

Audrey glanced over, killing the music. "Like what?"

"Like …" Tiffany swept her hand over the bedroom. "Like this. You keep your room all tidy; I figured there'd be clothes lying everywhere. And you're actually cleaning after your own pets. Don't you have servants for that?"

The look Audrey shot told that she'd entertained that question one too many times. "We have a cleaning and gardening service that comes in twice a month but they don't set a fucking foot in my room. Last time I left someone else in charge of my babies, the jackass ended up killing half my fish!"

Tiffany puttered over to stare at some of the more exotic species, astonished to see something like a miniature dragon wrapping its tail around the tank's coral. "Isn't it illegal to own seahorses?"

"No, but it's a fucking stupid idea for most people because they don't know how to take care of the little fuckers."

Two of the yellow dragons bobbed around the tank, puckering their adorable, flute-like snouts at Tiffany. "I didn't realize how tiny they were. How old are they?"

"Cassie and Clara are two years old, but I had their parents for a solid five."

Tiffany's eyes popped goggle-wide. "You breed seahorses?"

"Um, yeah. New ones are a bitch to pay for. Why wouldn't I let them fuck and keep the babies?" Audrey's mouth was all tart but something sweet sparkled in her eyes when she peered through the glass. "I've got names picked for the next litter," she informed. "The girls, I'm gonna call Cosette and Epinine. If there's boys, Javier and Jean."

Audrey, caring enough about something to put off her party time and put in hard work. It was unheard of, but this tune made her smile. Tiffany let Audrey continue her cleaning. Hands behind her back she scanned the bedroom walls, taking in the theatre posters lined up like paintings in an art gallery.  _Phantom of the Opera, My Fair Lady, Westside Story, Les Miserables._  All of them seemed to be traveling productions that had played at the Glenberry concert hall. "You don't look like the type who'd enjoy musical theatre," Tiffany commented.

"Oh, that? Every year my grandma takes me to see a show for my birthday. She's the one who buys the posters."

Tiffany thought they were framed rather nicely for obligation gifts. 'Grandma' had even gone through the trouble to have the casts autograph each poster. Back at the tanks, Audrey resumed her singing.

_Here in this room, she calls me softly_  
Somewhere inside, hiding.  
Somehow I know she's always with me  
She, the unseen genius.

Tiffany hadn't been to the theatre besides a school outing in grade ten, but it was easy enough to Google the lyrics ( _Angel of Music,_ apparently) and accompany Audrey as the Opera Ghost.

_Flattering child, you shall know me._  
See why in shadow I hide.  
Look at your face in the mirror  
I am there, inside!

Tiffany thought her voice wasn't half-bad, but Audrey cringed like she'd scraped nails down a chalkboard. "Um, before you make an even bigger ass of yourself, the Phantom is a creepy-ass stalker who pretends to be nice to this chick so he can fuck her brains out. So if you're trying to go all lezzie on me, screw off. I don't do chicks."

These little outbursts reassured her this was still her Audrey. "Sorry, it just sounded fun to sing." She'd always wanted to go karaoke with her friends but the girls had been too shy or stand-offish to join her. " _Phantom_ , is that your favorite?"

"No, it's that one," and she pointed to the poster hung above her bed. Tiffany's eyes widened.

" _Henry the Fourth, Parts 1 and 2?_ " That was Shakespeare, wasn't it? "Get out, you like  _Shakespeare?_ "

"Fuck, no! His plays are so fucking long and boring and I swear I get a hangover just trying to figure out what the fuck the characters are saying. But Falstaff is my shit."

"Falstaff?"

"Ugh, really? Look, all you need to know is he's this fat, drunk bastard in the play. He's supposed to be a knight or whatever but he doesn't give a shit - he's just out for a good time. Anyway, Falstaff's best friends with the prince - Harry - and the two of them hang out, get drunk and fuck around all day. It's hilarious!"

Something about that story felt familiar. "What happens to Falstaff?" Tiffany asked.

Audrey's expression soured. "At the end of the play, Harry's dad dies and he takes the throne. Falstaff comes to see his best friend and Harry's trying to be 'responsible', so he's like  _who's this fucker? I've never seen him before!_  Then he throws Falstaff out like an old dress." Audrey shook her head. "You think you know your friends. You think it's going to last forever, and then …" Audrey trailed off, her eyes clouded in memory. "Backstabbing bitches…"

Tiffany looked closer at the poster. The production, she noted, had played during the summer of their high school graduation.

"I'm sure you and Marco can be together. I know it, Audrey."

The redhead only went back to her cleaning, and it was a long and tense while before Audrey spoke up again.

"Hey, Jessie?"

"M-hmm?"

A hesitation. "What's sex like?"

_Huh?_

"I mean, with fairy guys," Audrey added. "What're they like?"

Tiffany's stomach dropped. "Um, well, they're a lot like human guys, I guess," but that wasn't nearly enough to sate Audrey's hunger for gossip.

"So how do fairies do it, anyway? I mean, missionary must be out with those wings, right?"

A layer of sweat was forming under Tiffany's mask. "Um, it is a bit uncomfortable lying on your back." She could attest that much from all the times she'd absent-mindedly flopped on her bed and sent pain shooting through her rigid wings. "As for, um, sex …"

What was she doing? A love expert who'd never made love? Audrey ought to be the one teaching her!  _She'd throw me out if she knew the truth!_

"We, uh, we usually do it standing up. And the guy lifts me in his arms."

"Shit, really? That's sounds so hot!" Audrey scooted closer and whispered, "fairy guys must be seriously hung, right?"

"Oh, for sure," Tiffany bluffed. "Average has got to be, um … eight inches!" Audrey's eyebrows rose quizzically. Was that a good sign? "Um, no, more like nine," Tiffany corrected. Maybe it was time to let the expert take over. "W-what about you? Biggest guy you've had?"

"Me? Fuck, do I look like I take a measuring stick to bed? Um… let's see … oh, this one guy was definitely a foot-long!"

Tiffany reared back. "Seriously?" She tried imagining walking around with … 'all that' in her pants and burst into a fit of giggles. "No way, how does that work?" She laughed, but Audrey was buying her story. Maybe she could push her luck a bit more. "Okay, fun fact - sometimes, I like to do it in midair."

Audrey snorted. "That's nothing! This one time, I was on a guy's lap while he was driving his Porsche down the freeway! Good vibrations!" They giggled and kept going. Every lie Tiffany told, Audrey topped with a more outlandish truth. On a cloud? On the beach! Atop a fairy castle? In an elevator!

"What do you do after?" Audrey asked. "You smoke, right?"

"I'm not really into that." Tiffany rifled through her romantic fantasy vault for a substitute. "I like it when we can cuddle afterwards. Face to face."

"Does he say stuff to you? You know, whisper in your ear?"

"Uh huh."

"He says he'll stay with you, right?"

"For sure."

"And he kisses you, right? Behind the ear where it makes you shiver?"

"Um, yeah."  _Whose fantasy are we living?_  Audrey was sitting back on her palms, eyes closed and inhaling every word like a savoury dish.

"If I do everything you showed me," she whispered, "I can be like that with Marco?"

"Of course," Tiffany said, not missing a beat. "Just think positive, focus on the bright side and you'll be the Irresistible Audrey Belrose!"

Her friend closed her eyes and let that title percolate through her mind. Standing up, Audrey retrieved her cell phone and hit speed dial.

"Hiya, Marco? Yeah, it's like, Audrey. Sooo… you doing anything tomorrow?"

* * *

 

For their third date, Marco took Audrey ice skating at the mall's indoor rink and Audrey threw herself into the date with gusto. She had no sense of balance and kept falling flat on her bottom, but she laughed it off every time and used it as an excuse to cuddle up to her boy.

"Oh-em-gee, I am like, such a klutz out here. Here, gimmie your hand." Marco pulled her up off the ice and Audrey coiled herself around his arm, purring like a snake. "Mm, you're like, nice 'n warm…"

Tiffany couldn't have been happier for her friend. Hand in hand the pair skated laps, they spun each other in circles pretending to be figure skaters, and when the rink closed, Marco took Audrey to a Korean barbeque where they took turns grilling strips of beef and feeding each other with wobbly chopsticks. Audrey smiled and laughed and relished every minute of the date.

"Wow, that was like, super fun," she squealed in the passenger seat of Marco's car, still bouncing with energy and hugging the blue whale plushy he'd bought as a surprise gift. Invisible in the back seat, Tiffany admired the starry sky twinkling like fairy dust.  _A magical sky to finish a magical day,_  she grinned.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Marco smiled as they cruised through the residential area around campus. "So where did you say your house was?"

"Next block. I rent the top duplex from this old couple."

Tiffany's wings twitched.  _Hey now_! She knew Audrey modelled her persona after her, but this was a step too far.

"Actually, you can totally let me off here. I could super use the walk."

Marco pulled his car to the side of the road and hit the four-way blinkers. "Well then," he exhaled.

"Well then," Audrey repeated. She unclipped her seat belt but hesitated to exit. The moment drew into a long silence.

Marco leaned over to her seat.

"I had fun today, Audrey."

"Totally, me too," she smiled, then shifted her eyes to her lap. Her fingers drummed a nervous beat on her purse.

Marco leaned closer. "No reason we can't keep going, right?" Audrey sucked in a nervous gasp as Marco traced a finger over her shoulder, down her arm, and brought his face closer still.

Audrey opened the door and scrambled out. "I'll call you later. Bye."

"Audrey?" Marco called after her but she jogged down the sidewalk out of sight around the first corner. Tiffany buzzed after her friend, looking frantically and finding Audrey resting under a leafy maple tree, hands over her chest and breathing heavily.

"Audrey, what happened there?" She touched her friend's arm and recoiled at the touch of goose-flesh. "Whoa, you're freezing!" Audrey shrugged her off.

"I'm fine. Fucking fine," her friend panted, wiping the moisture from her eyes.

"Audrey, he was just giving you a goodnight kiss."

"Shut the fuck up, Jessie, nobody asked you."

Tiffany huffed and gave her friend a minute to compose herself.  _A goodnight kiss, that's pretty standard for a third date,_  she reasoned.  _With all the guys she's slept with you'd thinking kissing would mean as little as shaking hands._

Maybe that was the reason. Audrey's casual sex stories were the wild and reckless fun Tiffany could only dream of; passionate, intense but never intimate. The boys Audrey found were only worth the story she could brag about later. Tiffany smiled. Maybe a real kiss from someone you cared about needed the right moment.  _Maybe we're not so different, Audrey and I._

"So, what's the plan?" Tiffany asked. "You're way off from home and you just ditched your ride."

"Next block," Audrey stated, freshly composed. "I know a place we can crash."

A trap door opened underneath Tiffany's stomach. She knew the place as well. It was hers. "Um, sounds great but I have to get going. Fairy stuff, y'know. G'night!" Then she powered down the back lane and phased through her bedroom window. Kyu glanced up from her bed.

"Sup, roomie! Hey, you got any more double-A batteries around here? I'm fresh outta juice."

Tiffany was too busy tossing off her boots to question how Kyu had already used up the twenty-pack from last week. "We've got company coming over!" Her gloves, her mask, her dress she could shed, but she still had another half hour before she reverted from fairy mode. Tiffany tried buzzing her wings in bursts, hoping to use up the magic faster. No luck. Audrey was already ringing the buzzer to her flat and Kyu was not helping.

"Uh oh, somebody's gonna get bus-ted!"

"Will you shut up and do something about this mess?" She was wading through a layer of candy wrappers and soda cans like it was fallen snow. At the door, Audrey accompanied her buzzer jabs with a loud hammering. "Coming," Tiffany called.

"Do you need snacks? I can make hors d'oeuvres," Kyu offered. "I have chocolate sauce, whipped cream and edible candy panties. Oh, and I'm wearing the panties. Not a problem, right?"

Tiffany had thrown her bathrobe over her wings and was stuffing her pink hair into a wet towel. She glared at Kyu and sliced a finger across her throat.

"Not hungry? Sweet, more for me."

Another hammering at the door. Tiffany practiced her astonished face and scooted to the entry. "Audrey! Sorry, I was just getting out of the shower! How's it going?"

The redhead plowed past her. "I need a place to crash for the night. You've been ditching me all month so you owe me one." Her feet half-stumbled over Kyu's junk and she looked from the garbage-strewn floor to the blonde honours student as if to confirm they were occupying the same space.

"Should've known you'd be a total pig when nobody can see you. Whatever, I'll take this bed."

"Audrey, that's my roommate's -" but her friend had already flopped down on Kyu's mattress. Kyu, of course, had chosen to be no help whatsoever and had gone invisible the instant Audrey had burst in. The redhead was currently phasing inside of Kyu's crotch and the fairy was giggling herself silly.

"Hey, Cheerleader, check it out - I'm getting head!"

"Will you stop that," Tiffany hissed. Audrey shot up.

"You got something to say?" Kyu giggled and summoned a pair of invisible crutches to hobble herself away. "I'll leave you girls to your slumber party."

Tiffany sighed. "No, never mind, I'm just talking to myself here." Audrey leaned back into her pillows, causing the magazines hidden underneath to crinkle audibly. She looked,  _of course,_  and got a face-full of Kyu's Asian porn collection. Tiffany tried to explain, tried to smooth over Audrey's screwed up face but the redhead shut her down before the first peep.

"Just stay the fuck on your side, okay?"

Tiffany bit her lip, wondering how she could soothe this awkward situation.  _Wait, that trip to the pet store!_

"Hey, I'm glad you came, Audrey. I wanna show you something." Tiffany rifled through the floor junk, until she found a clear glass sphere and set it on Kyu's nightstand. "See? I got myself a goldfish bowl!"

"And?"

Tiffany's smile faltered a little. "Well, I was thinking maybe you could give me some tips on how to set up an aquarium, y'know?"

"What the fuck would I know about fish? I'm going to sleep, okay?"

Audrey slamming her head on the pillow felt like the doors of an impenetrable vault slamming in Tiffany's face. The bowl slipped from her fingers and clanged against the hardwood floor. Her breath caught, her eyes watered and deep inside, her mind was screaming in protest.  _What do you know? You just collect, breed and raise all the most exotic species!_

"Audrey, I've known you for over a year now. You don't have to hide things from me. You can trust me."

"Trust you?" Audrey shot up like a bullet. "After you spend the last month ignoring and avoiding me? And what do I know about you anyway? Miss goodie two-shoes on the outside, and you're some -" she paused to remove a purple vibrator from between the sheets, "some sloppy sex freak when you're home alone."

"I told you, it's -"

"Oh cut the crap already. Roommate, boyfriend, work; all it comes down to is that you've got no time for the likes of me, and you know what? I'm okay with that. I don't need your pity anymore. Go hang out with Nikki and the rest of the freaks and losers you've collected to make you look good. I'm done with it."

Tiffany wanted so very badly to hurt her friend. "You know, most people try and hide the rotten things about themselves but you put all that front and center."

"Go to hell, Tiffany."

"Thanks, but I've been to your house already." She wanted to storm off to the bathroom and slam the door but Kyu was hiding there and she refused to let the fairy see her so upset. She couldn't stomp across the hallway - that would wake her landlords - so she curled into a ball on her bed and squeezed all her anger into a little pit in her stomach, clamping down her lips so Audrey wouldn't win a single scream.

_I'm so stupid_ , she thought.  _I shouldn't have said anything; it's Jessie that knows what she's like at home._  The more the rational side of her brain returned, the worse she felt until she had to say something to break through the silence.

"Audrey," she whispered, "please don't be mad. You're my best friend and … maybe there's some things I can't tell you yet but I'm on your side. I know a lot of stuff has come up and we haven't been able to hang out a lot, but trust me when I say I'm always with you. I've got your back."

The bed sheets rustled a little but Audrey gave no reply. Tiffany sighed. "I'm going for a walk," she mumbled. Audrey stirred.

"In your bathrobe?" but Tiffany had already phased through the walls.

* * *

 

Becoming a love fairy had felt so thrilling at first. A new identity, new talents; a new chance to really help her friends! Now, Tiffany just felt hollow and empty.  _My friends hate me, I'm falling behind in my work and I look like a wreck._ Not to mention sleep, that precious ambrosia, which seemed as out of reach as the stars.

But if she could find some happily ever after for Audrey and Nikki…

Tiffany braked over the roof of a local burger joint.  _That's Marco's car in the parking lot._  Curious, she swooped into the all-night diner to have a look. The football star was wolfing down a late-night burger and fries with one hand while the other jotted notes into a little black pocketbook. He looked so adorable - this giant hunched over such a tiny book. Tiffany had to take a peek and see what kept him so occupied.

The book appeared to be some kind of dating journal. Marco had written Audrey's name at the top left of the page and kept columns of notes about her. Near the top was a list of vital stats: favourite hangout, favorite hobby, favourite colour, favourite season and so on.  _That's sweet, he really wants to know her better,_  she thought.

Lower down, the page was split into two contrasting lists. On the left were Audrey's characteristics according to rumor ( _alcoholic, druggie, bitchy, slut)_. To the right, the traits she'd shown off on their dates ( _academic, loves cats, bubbly, conservative)._ Marco's pencil tapped the page, ping-ponging between the columns and Tiffany could sense his mind trying to puzzle out what was fact versus fiction. She knew Marco was enamored by the new, nicer Audrey but it was clear he felt something slipping between the cracks.

In the end, Marco shook his head and returned to the name at the top of the page. He'd drawn five hearts next to Audrey's name and now took a moment to shade in the fourth.  _Finished dates?_  Tiffany wondered.

Grinning, Marco let his pen idly circle and tap at the remaining heart. Whatever his system meant, the next encounter would be an important one.  _One heart for meeting, then four dates?_ Was this Marco's 'trial period' for girls he suspected of using him?

_Gotta step up our game,_  Tiffany decided. The next time he and Audrey met, she'd make sure it would be a night they'd never forget.

 


	7. Boss Rush

Pumpkins, mice, an old mule and a tattered dress. Tiffany wasn't working with the typical ingredients for an enchanted evening with a prince, but she also wasn't sparing any effort. A smart phone with access to restaurant menus, city maps and movie show times served as her fairy wand, and her fingers swiped and clicked to conjure up a final night of magic for her friends.

Jessie the love fairy was a coach, after all, and eventually every athlete had progress towards making her own plays. Tiffany had been preparing for this night all along. Each date had begun with a dose of pheromones: orange romance for Audrey since she desperately needed the sweetness, and a rainbow cocktail for Nikki because the poor thing needed all the help she could get. With each progressive date she'd sprayed less and less, weaning each off of their drugs and making the girls rely on the charms and tips she taught them.

Tonight, they would enter the dating game without any pheromone handicaps. Tonight, they'd be playing for keeps.

"I'm meeting Anton downtown tonight," Nikki recited. She sat in a pretty grey dress Tiffany had picked out (the only one in Nikki's closet), accompanied by a thin black jacket and open-toed flats. At the half-fairy's insistence, Niki repeated tonight's itinerary while she combed her friend's tangled hair. "Anton's going to take me to the Italian restaurant with the outdoor lounge I've been telling him about." She paused. "Italian… they'll have mac 'n cheese, right? OW!"

"Sorry," Tiffany lied. "Had to yank through a rough patch there." She hoped her smile would cover up the twitch in her eye.

Nikki continued. "After dinner we go see that big romantic Nicolas Sparks movie. After, I ask if we can go to the boardwalk on the beach. … Y'know, there's this really sweet arcade there…"

"Half an hour," Tiffany relented. Nikki pumped a fist,  _yes!_  "but after that –"

"After that I make him go walk on the beach with me and watch the stars, and I tell him how much I like hanging out and …"

"And?" This part was crucial; there could be no shying away.

Nikki dropped to a mumble. "I let him kiss me."

The perfect climax to their date, the perfect opening to a lifetime together. "Remember not to let the conversation stall. Focus on asking him questions, focus on real world topics."

"I got it. We can talk about some games but not fan works."

That deserved a reward. Nikki's eyes lit up at the handful of quarters for the arcade games.

"Sweet! Oh, and I'll be sure to get him to kiss me, okay? I won't let you down, Jessie."

_Don't let yourself down,_  she thought.

* * *

 

Tiffany had prepared a similar strategy for Audrey, only with different venues: a candlelight dinner at Vinnie's romantic French restaurant, then an arm-in-arm stroll through the lanterns of Chinatown until they came to the scenic overlook on Balmoral Hill. Lock eyes, whisper true feelings and let Marco deliver a true love's kiss.

"Marco goes on four trial dates before he makes up his mind about a girl," she reiterated to Audrey, "so tonight has to be perfect."

"Right, no pressure there." For this special night, Tiffany had prodded Audrey into a tasteful black dress: knee length, high collar and little shoulder sleeves with a pattern of red roses on wavy green vines. Simple black heels and purse to match.

"He's looking for that sweet Audrey Belrose who's into kittens and studying so be nice and don't argue."

"All right, all right." Out of irritation, Audrey kept scratching at her black hairband, a foreign accessory but a necessary one given that her bangs still hadn't grown back from her self-inflicted weed whacking. Itchy and looking for relief, Audrey reached for the bottle on her makeup vanity but Tiffany seized it first.

"And no drinking! If he orders wine, tell him you prefer water, or get a Shirley Temple. You can't screw this up by getting drunk and –"

"-and letting out the real Audrey?" A wry smirk danced over her friend's face.  _How little you think of me,_  it scolded.

"You know what I mean," Tiffany sighed.

"I get it. It's all about reputation."

They took a taxi downtown and shared a quiet walk to the restaurant, Tiffany caught up in thoughts about last week's fight and how this might be her last night on speaking terms with Audrey. When the redhead spoke it put her completely off-balance. "You okay? You keep starring into space like you're all bummed out."

Had those regrets appeared on her face? "I'm a little down," she confessed. "I had a fight with one of my fairy friends and I'm not really sure what to do. She says I'm spending too much time at work instead of with her, and she's upset because she thinks we only hang out so I can look smarter or more popular next to her, but that's not it at all."

"Your friend sounds like a whiny bitch."

That got her smiling, if just for a second. "She can be a little crazy, but she's also really cool and confident. I've never met anyone with her attitude - she doesn't let anyone push her around. It means so much that she wants to be my friend; that she thinks someone like me's cool enough to hang out with."

Audrey nodded along. "I had a friend like that once." They'd arrived at the restaurant and Audrey turned around at the door, noticing she'd been walking these last step alone. "Aren't you coming in?"

Tiffany bowed her head.

"You're just leaving me here?" Her date was only beginning but Audrey sounded as though she'd suddenly been stood up.

"This is your date, Audrey. I've shown you all I can, but it's up to you to make it work."

"Yeah, okay. I guess it is creepy how you follow us everywhere. But we'll catch up later, right? So I can fill you in on the date?"

Tiffany smiled. "I'd like that a lot, Audrey." It sounded enough like a commitment to reassure Audrey but gave her a loophole to wiggle through. She would never see her friend again - not as Jessie, the unneeded half, and never as Tiffany, the unwanted half.

"Go on," she continued. "I can see Marco waiting inside." The football star looked mightily handsome in his polo shirt and jacket.  _You're a lucky girl, Audrey Belrose. He'll treat you right._

Tiffany watched Audrey go in and greet her date, watched them link arms and be escorted inside and out of view. Tiffany didn't need to see any more to know how this story concluded.  _And they lived happily ever after._

Audrey and Marco would be dating steady after tonight. With an upstanding guy to temper her impulses, Audrey would smarten up, live more carefully. She'd put aside her drugs, settle on a university degree and eventually they'd move into a nice house with Marco's pro football money and become the talk of the town. Nikki and Anton wouldn't gain the same notoriety but with Anton's support her blue friend would grow confident and assertive, learning to enjoy life beyond her shallow games and drawings. Both couples would blossom in their love and their future possibilities.

There would be no room in their lives for undependable ex-friends, but that was all for the better. She had her own career, her own future to concern herself with. She'd naively assumed that she, Audrey and Nikki would be fellow passengers on the train of life, when it was time for her to change stops and board a separate route.

_She went home to her slovenly roommate, studied diligently to become the best nurse in the city and she never saw her best friends, ever again._

But stories, like subway trains, had a penchant for becoming derailed.

* * *

 

Tiffany phased back into her flat, resigned to another night in Kyu's trash heap, but the room sparkled like new. The desks were polished, the rug had been vacuumed and from her bed Kyu was magically floating the last stray pop cans and candy wrappers into a black garbage bag, which she tied shut and poofed from existence in a spray of rainbow glitter.

"Whaddya think, roomie? Lookin' just the way I found it?"

Tiffany's voice stalled trying to conjure up a response. "You cleaned up? Thank you," she added, immediately swelling with pride. Seeing Kyu tidy after herself was like seeing her five year old swimming students discovering how to blow bubbles or stick their heads underwater – it was a first step towards maturity, and she lived for these moments.  _Go figure, I can even teach fairies how to live better lives._

Kyu waved off the thanks. "Every good-time girl knows she's gotta pick up after a wild party, and by my boss' balloon tits, do I have a lot of shit to clean up tonight…"

Kyu's smile had dropped during that last part.

"Okay boys, time to pack!"

Before Tiffany could ask, Kyu grinned and blew a stream of fairy dust from her good left palm that wove around the room in tendrils, reaching into drawers and the closet and bewitching all of Kyu's possessions to life. Her dirty magazines fluttered their pages like a flock of birds, the porn DVDs popped up and marched like parade of toy soldiers, and a menagerie of pastel-coloured lingerie frog-hopped on their elastics, each group converging on Kyu's bed and her opened pink knapsack. Judging by the pack's non-reaction to being stuffed with a shopping mall worth of adult merchandise, it had obviously been enchanted into a bottomless pit. Tiffany felt a similar pit widening in her stomach.

"You're leaving."

Kyu fanned her butterfly wings, nearly whole once more. "Yep. These flappy birds are just about ready to dodge pipes again, so now that I'm actually able to work, I figure it's time to cash in some vacation days. I hear Bermuda's nice this time of year."

Tiffany smirked. "Fairy Bermuda?"

"Hells yeah! Soda pop oceans, marshmallow palm trees, and plenty of buff mermen looking to swim upstream, if you catch my drift. Oh baby, break out the lobster bibs and butter me up, because I am gonna stuff my mouth so full of seam-"

"Man, that sounds … right up your alley," Tiffany coughed. The news hit her like a punch to the gut. Saying she'd enjoyed Kyu's sugar-guzzling, porn-binging presence was crossing a bridge too far but she'd come to appreciate the company in her home, especially as she and her friends had drifted to the point of no return.  _Well, I've always been better off on my own, right?_  Faking her best supportive smile, Tiffany congratulated her roommate while unclipping her fairy belt and pendant.

"I guess you'll want your sprays and phone back?"

Kyu considered the offering but pushed them back with a mad grin. "Keep 'em. I'll tell HR I lost 'em and put in a request for new inventory. That, and I think you're gonna need them for a last job..."

Why was Kyu ending all their conversations with those cryptic mutterings? No matter, it was time to focus on the positives. "Well, you'll be pleased to know that I knocked two of your red list clients out of the park. Audrey and Nikki are out on the dates that will clinch their relationships. Not bad for a substitute, if I do say so myself."

"I guess, if that sappy, romantic 'true love' is what you're after."

Tiffany laughed. "Like there's anything better?"

"Hey, there's a lot of different types of love out there. Some people want that romantic jazz, but then you've got folks who're all about love for family, or best buddies who need a friend to count on before they jump after a partner. Sometimes a love fairy has to figure out what kind of love a client needs most. Me, I'm all about Eros!"

_Of course you are._ "Well, looks like my friends lucked out when I smashed your wings." Tiffany laughed at her joke and waited for Kyu to laugh with her but the fairy only offered a thin smile, preferring to sit back and observe with a quiet thoughtfulness that reminded Tiffany of the coaches who had sized her up for cheer squad.

"Uh huh," Coach Kyu nodded. "Hey, you still set on being a nurse, Cheerleader?"

The question only took her aback for a second. "Absolutely! Why?"

"No reason. I just thought you'd have a knack for taxidermy. You know, scooping out somebody's insides, stuffing them full of fluff and posing them with these big stupid grins on their empty faces? You've already done such a super job on your friends."

Now it all made sense, Kyu and her ominous little mutterings. The little pixie stick was jealous! Jealous of how a complete amateur had done her job so effectively and now she was looking to pick a fight. Tiffany folded her arms and stood her ground. "I got them boyfriends."

"No, you got them  _your_  boyfriends. A brainy public speaker? A football jock with a heart of gold? You picked out studs you were raring to date and then you started re-programming your clients so they'd be more like you! Did you ever once ask what kind of person your friends are into?"

"I saw who they were into, and between dance club scumbags and imaginary videogame guys I don't think it's hard to see the improvement!"

Kyu shook her head in a slow, sad motion. "You don't know your friends at all."

"I spent time with them. I followed them around for weeks!"

"You did, but you only saw what you wanted.  _Confirmation bias,_  Little Miss Smarty-Pants." Kyu puffed out another tendril of fairy dust that summoned Tiffany's observation notepad from across the room. "Let's see here … Ah, here's a good one:  _Thursday Night. Nikki. Playing video games again. Doesn't she ever get tired of these games? It's so boring._ Moving on.  _Friday Night. Audrey. Dancing at Lusties Nightclub. Omg, how can she just go from grinding on one guy to another? That's so disgusting!"_

Kyu gave her a piercing look. "Did you ever notice how much fun Nikki was having playing her games? How she does that happy little squeal every time she gets a new high score? And Audrey. Ever stop and wonder why your friend never went home with any of those dance club cockroaches?"

_Words, words, words_. "You think my friends are better off as they were? Before I started helping them?"

"Helping. Right, because telling somebody all their hobbies and interests are shit, and that they should keep their mouth shut is gonna do wonders for their self-esteem."

Tiffany wouldn't have any of this! "You told me that love fairies are supposed to make the hard decisions! That we put together people who are best for each other!"

"Um, yeah, but you gotta work with the clay you've been given. Stripping somebody's personality down to the girders? Slapping on a fake persona like it's a fresh coat of paint? Not gonna work long term, Cheerleader."

"I wasn't tearing down anything! All I did was ... sand off a few rough edges!"

Now it was Kyu's turn to laugh. "A few? By my various virile gods, is that what you call the lobotomy you gave that poor Belrose girl? And Nikki – thank my Boss you accidentally stuck her with another gamer! Can you imagine how miserable she'd be if you really forced her to stop talking about her games or her freaky fan art?"

Tiffany snorted and paced up her side of the room.

"I'll bet you were a picky eater," Kyu continued. "You were one of those kids that ordered a deluxe pizza and then scraped off all the gross olives and green peppers. Well, now that girl's all grown up and she's stingy as all get-out. Friend's doing something weird? Toss them out."

"Shut up, Kyu."

"Friend's doing something you don't like? Toss them out."

"Kyu, I mean it!" Sparks twitched from her wings.

"Hell, you even tossed out your own mom."

"That lying whore  _deserved_ it!"

Tiffany blinked. Somehow, she'd lunged to Kyu's side of the room, her face glaring daggers at the fairy, her fist glowing and planted in the drywall next to Kyu's head. Flakes of ash fizzled around her knuckles and the taste of hot coals stuck in her mouth.

Kyu glanced sideways at the rigid fist, impressed by Tiffany's spunk but far from intimidated.

"You know it's all acting, right?" Her words came in a soft and melancholy murmur. "You think your mom likes working with every one of her co-stars, or that she can bang out a perfect orgasm for each and every video? You think she isn't exhausted by all the creepy requests she gets on her cam sessions, or scared that one day some guy's gonna cheat on his STD test so he can make a quick buck in the skin flicks? She didn't pick an easy life, kid, and she didn't pick it without a good reason."

"I think it's time you left, Kyu." Tiffany stormed over to her bed, nursing her sore knuckles. Kyu snorted at her retreat but zipped up her knapsack anyhow.

"Yeah, that's your motto, isn't it? If it's weird or uncomfortable, let's ignore it. Ever read your friends' Huniebee profiles?"

She hadn't, and now she looked at her fairy phone and wondered exactly what she had missed.

"Well, it's been an interesting experiment, kiddo." Backpack slung over her good left shoulder, Kyu fluttered to her feet. "Here's hoping you prove me wrong." Tiffany, however, missed the farewell in favor of a more crucial detail.

"Kyu, when you fell off the roof you broke your left arm. How did your cast get onto your right arm?"

For once, the pink fairy had no witty retorts. "Um…"

Another burst of sparks propelled Tiffany across the room. She seized Kyu's wrists and squeezed. The bare left arm felt solid. The plaster mold on the right squeezed like Styrofoam. The fairy scrambled for an excuse but Tiffany shut her down.

"Back at the hospital I asked you why a love fairy was living with a college student. That was the wrong question, wasn't it? The rent here isn't the cheapest, and there's way fancier places to crash. So why is a love fairy so interested in living with me?"

Kyu flashed the unrepentant smile of a criminal caught in the act. "Little slow on the details but you catch on quickly, Cheerleader.  _Why you?_  I wonder…?"

Before the interrogation could continue, Tiffany's Huniebee vibrated from her belt. An alert.

"Interesting news, kiddo?"

She had to release one wrist to answer the phone but the other held firm as a handcuff. Tiffany scanned the message and did her best to keep her face neutral. "It's Nikki. I set up the Huniebee to notify me whenever the girls moved to their next date location." Nikki and Anton, however, were going off course, their blue map icon hovering over a residential neighbourhood instead of the beach. Tiffany zoomed in on the address and had to fight very hard not to swear in front of Kyu.

"I have to go," she monotoned, shoving Kyu away and marching for the window. Tiffany paused. "We won't be seeing each other again, will we?"

Stupid question. A vortex of fairy dust was already claiming Kyu from her sight. "I've done all I can here, kiddo. The rest's up to you." Now only a disembodied voice echoed. "Better get your bacon shakin'. Looks like your Little Red Riding Hood wandered off the path with a big bad wolf."

Tiffany growled. "More like a detour at a witch's house."

More specifically, Nikki was at her mother's house.

* * *

 

Panic was not an emotion you associated with a charming prince questing for love or a brave knight off to rescue a princess, but now Tiffany understood that terror ruled every minute the brave hero galloped across the dark woods, over the black mountains and onward to the witch's castle. She couldn't fathom how Nikki had been lured into that woman's den of sin but until she saved her friend, panic would be her motto. Panic forced her wings across the city, terror pushed her into the old suburb where the houses bunched too close for comfort and chain-link fences surrounded the dull, yellow yards. Dread made her land in front of the house she'd swore to banish from all memory.

Like the woman who still lived inside it, Tiffany's childhood home hadn't changed much. The bungalow walls were now painted a robin egg blue and the storm drains had been replaced but she recognized it in a heartbeat. Same sagging palm tree in the front yard, same backyard swimming pool gathering idle leaves, and the same tacky pink flamingos perched in the flowerbeds.

_Probably still hides the spare key under the mat_ , Tiffany snorted, grinding her boots on the pink doormat with its grinning cat face and stupid "Welcome Ho-meow" greeting. Her fairy powers let her barge through the front door and into the squalor of kicked-off boots and sandals strewn down the hallway.  _Still can't tidy up after herself, I see._

The Huniebee was pinging like an up-tempo metronome but she didn't need it anymore. The sound of deep, ruinous sobbing carried even to the front door.  _Nikki, what'd she do to make you cry?_ She ignored Jessica's backside rummaging through the kitchen fridge –  _for now –_  marched past the rumbling washing machine and strode before a half-ajar door with a crooked chalkboard nameplate.

_Tiffany's Room_.

Her cheekbones twitched at the sight of her mother's childish bubble writing and the presumptuousness of that sign. Years before, while dragging her suitcases out the front door she'd spared a moment to swipe her hand across the green slate and banish her name from its surface. Was her mother retreating to the 'good ol' days' like an Alzheimer's patient, or just stupidly optimistic that her 'baby' would return?

_This isn't my house, this isn't my room, and you're not my mother. I'm here to get Nikki and leave._ She repeated the mantra in her head but after phasing through the doorway, the sight within froze her on the spot.

The room was still stripped bare, that much she'd expected – empty closet, empty floor, plain white sheets over the bed – but the walls, their egg-white surfaces had been transformed into a life-sized scrapbook of polaroid pictures.  _Pictures of her._  Baby pictures of her first steps, toddler pictures of her smiling in a high-chair and showing off her loose tooth. School pictures: waving to the camera on her first day of kindergarten, dangling a third-place medal from the track and field competition, beaming beside a straight A-plus report card.

Nausea made Tiffany's knees tremble. It was like she'd barged into the secret lair of a serial killer who'd been documenting her entire life. And the killer smiled shamelessly in the photographs with her. Jessica and little Tiffany flashing matching peace signs in front of the water park slides; Jessica steadying her five year-old shoulders while she first balanced on a two-wheel bike; Jessica pressing their cheeks together in front of the Christmas tree, modeling the newly unwrapped cooking apron that read  _World's Best Mom_. Long-forgotten memories dripped into Tiffany's head with the steady rhythm of a faucet, and somewhere, a new thought fell with them.

_Those were good times._

Growing up with Jessica, she hadn't been neglected or unloved. Yes, her mother had thought potato chips and pop tarts made for a wholesome school lunch, and she'd been utterly helpless with homework beyond story books and simple addition, but in her own clumsy way, maybe that woman had tried her best for her daughter.

The thought droplet sat in her head like oil atop a pool of water, refusing to mingle with the sea of bitter memories but also refusing to disperse.

_She truly, deeply loved me._

Then Tiffany scowled, shaking her head and banishing the oily droplet to the depths.  _If she loved me, she'd never get into such degenerate work. I'm not here to get all weepy-eyed over baby pictures, I'm here for –_

"Nikki!" Her friend sat on the bed, head cradled in her hands, cheeks raw with tears, and sporting an oversized  _Hooters_  t-shirt instead of her nice gray dress. Anton was nowhere to be found. "Nikki, are you okay? What're you doing here?"

The bluenette startled from her introverted trance. "Jessie?" she croaked, eyes blazing with relief. "Jessie, where were you? I was running through the streets; I kept calling but you wouldn't show up."

The pieces were slotting into place. Nikki, sobbing, screaming and flapping her heels through the streets, howling for a 'Jessie' until she ran across someone with that shared name.

A tap at the door and a husky voice. "Hon, I'm putting your dress in the dryer now. Sure you don't want anything to drink? Hot chocolate?"

"I'm, I'm good," Nikki croaked back. To her fairy, she explained, "Her name's Jessie too. She kinda, grabbed me while I was running around and said I should come home with her, get my clothes cleaned."

"Wonderful choice," Tiffany snarked, but first things first. "Nikki, what were you doing running through downtown on your own? Where's Anton?"

Just the mention of that name sucked the joy from Nikki's face. Her shoulders shrugged under the baggy white shirt. "I … dunno. Probably at home, getting cleaned up." Her eyes trailed to the floor. "I kinda threw up over him."

"You what?"

Nikki hid her face; she'd been fearing this reaction. "It was an accident," she whimpered. "I did everything you said – restaurant, movie, the beach; it was all going like you planned." She hiccupped. "Then he tried to kiss me and I, I just … you know," she waved her hand like some sign-language substitute for 'projectile vomited over my love interest'.

Tiffany knelt and touched Nikki's forehead, ignoring the frightened gasp her touch produced. "No fever. Do you think it's food poisoning?"

"It's not that," Nikki protested, scooting down the bed for space. "I just, well… when he tried to kiss me I just felt really gross."

"Gross?" Tiffany repeated. In the hallway, the carpet groaned under the weight of footsteps but Tiffany ignored the eavesdropper. "What do you mean, gross?"

Nikki slapped her knees in frustration. "I don't know, okay! I can't explain it, but every time Anton gets near me I freak out. My palms get sweaty and my skin gets all itchy. When it first started I thought I was just being nervous – ‘cause I never dated a guy before – but it kept getting worse. And whenever Anton tried to hold hands or put his arm around me, all I could think of is how he's all big and hairy and he smells all musky and it creeps me out!"

"And all this happened tonight?"

Nikki fidgeted. "It's been going on for a while," she confessed. "But I tried to make it work because you said I should date him, so whenever Anton got near me I just pretended he was someone else. That someone else was touching and holding me, and that made it easier. But when he kissed me tonight I just couldn't keep it up and I …"

_Puked_ , Tiffany thought to herself. Why had Nikki suffered silently so long?  _You always want to talk with me; why wouldn't you talk about this?_ The setbacks made her head throb, but the student part of her brain knew how to proceed, calmly assessing the situation like it was a failed science project. This was bad, but not unsalvageable. Anton had been a mistake; too much like Nikki with his gaming habits to rescue her from her introverted rut, but if Nikki truly didn't care for him it was just a matter of hitting 'restart'.

"Who was it?" she asked. She needed information about this other boy Nikki had been fantasizing about if they were going to start fresh. "Who were you thinking about, Nikki?" The colour drained from Nikki's face and she clamped her jaw shut. Tiffany took a step closer.

"You have to tell me, Nikki."

"I can't," she whimpered.

"Yes you can! Come on, Nikki; Anton wasn't the one for you, so let's figure this out! Who were you thinking about kissing?"

Cornered, Nikki curled her fists in little balls, looked her dead in the eyes and spat, "I was thinking of you!"

The bungalow went silent. The rattle of the washing machine, the angry rising and falling of Nikki's chest and the shuffling at the door all played over Tiffany's dumbfounded stare.

"I don't get it," Nikki confessed. "I'm supposed to like guys but I … I like you. Your skin's all soft and your hair smells nice, an', and when you smile at me I feel all warm inside. I thought, maybe I was just getting excited because you're an alien or whatever, but … that night you let me put my head on your shoulder, I felt like I was gonna float away if you let go. I felt so right being with you."

Tiffany continued to stare, so Nikki wiped her nose on her sleeve and steeled herself with a deep, bracing intake of air.

"Jessie, I always thought dating was stupid and that guys were gross, but … when I think of dating you, it all makes sense. I know you're a girl but … I wanna be with you."

Tiffany needed to collect her thoughts. Silently, she stood up, pacing to the opposite end of the room. For Nikki, the walk must have seemed like a total rejection.

"I'm sorry," she gasped. "I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. I'll … I'll go find Anton again and say sorry. No, I … I'll find another guy and start dating him! I can change, Jessie! I can change; I'll do whatever you want, just don't leave me!"

Tiffany spun on her heel –  _just gimmie a minute! –_  but before she could snap, the bedroom door nudged open and Jessie, the human Jessie, toddled into the room.

"Whoops! Knock, knock. Sorry for barging in, hon. I know you said you weren't hungry, but – silly me – I went and made all this hot cocoa and I've got no one else to share it with."

_Accidental my ass_ , Tiffany scowled. The serving tray in Jessie's arms held exactly two steaming mugs with marshmallows, two ice cream sundaes and a bowl of party mix chips big enough for two.  _Nosey little whore_.

Jessie unfolded the trays legs and set it in front of the bed, sitting down to join Nikki. Not only did she force the ice cream into Nikki's hands, she had the gall to drape a blanket over the poor girl's shoulders. "Eat up, hon. It's not doing you any good sitting in this room and screaming at yourself like that."

_She heard everything_. The humiliation was clear in Nikki's pale face. She started bolting down the sundae, if only to distract herself from the embarrassment.

"It's good," she panted, eyeing Jessie's dish. The older woman smiled and offered up her portion, letting Nikki go to town on the bowl.

"There y'go, hon. Mm, isn't this fun? I  _always_  wanted to throw a coming out party with my friends but … well, let's just say if they came out any more it'd be public indecency."

_Coming out_. With brain-freeze slowing her thoughts, Nikki needed a second to interpret that expression. "You think I'm ga-?" The thought was to terrifying to finish. "I can't be. I can't. Jessie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Whoa, stop right there, honey.  _You're sorry?_  Baby, you have nothing to be sorry about."

"But it's, I mean, being  _like that_ , it's …" she hunted for a word, "weird."

Jessie let out a rip-snorting laugh. "Oh, baby, baby I could write a book about all the weird kink I've seen and you wouldn't even make the chapter notes. This one guy? Fan of my cam show who kept paying for special requests. The poor guy just could not get it off unless I put on this horse mask and called him 'Twilight'."

Nikki arched her back as far as she could.

"Sorry, I know – TMI. My daughter was always after me about that. Point is, there is nothing weird or wrong about being gay, hon. You're the new vanilla."

"But, my friend, she's gonna be so mad at me!" She hadn't gone invisible but Nikki had already shut her out of the conversation.

Her mother hummed. "Tell me about this friend, hon. Is she pretty?"

"Yes!" Nikki's answer didn't skip a beat. "But, it's like, she's been giving me dating advice and trying to get me together with this guy and whenever I finish a date she's really, really happy with me."

Jessie nodded along. "It sounds like you really like this friend."

"I …  _really_  want her to like me. I want to make her happy."

"I'm sure you do." Jessie reached an arm around Nikki and pulled her close. "Honey, I hate to break it to you, but your friend's as straight as the highway to hell, and she doesn't have a clue about how you feel. She isn't going to love you back." Jessie pressed ahead before Nikki could shed a tear. "Now, you can keep following her advice, keep dating boys so she'll give you a pat on the back…" Jessie squeezed her tight. "Or you can do what's right by you. I think it's about time you tell this friend what you really need."

"Her name's Jessie."

A nod. "Should've known. Little secret, hon: we Jessie's aren't the greatest decision-makers. Now, practice with me, baby. What're you going to tell your friend?"

To her mother, Nikki must have looked like she was turning to the wall to collect her thoughts, but Tiffany knew who her friend was really looking at, and knew that what came next was no rehearsal.

"Jessie," she began, slow and shaky. "Jessie, I … I don't like boys. I don't think I ever did but maybe I just didn't hang out with enough people to know for sure."

"I was only trying to help," Tiffany whispered back. She wanted to comfort Nikki, but her excuses just fed her resolve.

"You weren't! You weren't helping me! I don't wanna be with Anton or any other guy. You showed up all of a sudden and, and you never even asked what kinda …" she swallowed, "…person I was interested in. It's just 'get up, get out, do this, do that'. You never listened to me! You say you're trying to help but then you try and change everything about me and I don't want that. Cause if I keep doing what you want I'm gonna be sick."

Jessie squeezed her shoulder and Nikki felt strong enough to stand. "I don't want your help, Jessie. So just... go away!"

"Nikki, please don't-"

"Go away! I don't wanna see you ever again. I … I hate you!"

Nikki tore off her glasses and wiped her sleeve across her eyes. Tiffany thought she had an opening, thought she could reach up and touch her shoulder in comfort, but Nikki swatted her hand away like a bug. "Just go," she hissed.

And Tiffany knew she had truly, utterly failed. She dropped her hand, stepped away and turned to the wall.  _But maybe …_

She spun, a begging look in her eyes. Nikki clenched her fists and shook her head 'no'.

So Tiffany bowed her head and let her body evaporate from sight. Before stepping through the bedroom wall she took a final look at Nikki, sniffling to herself as Jessica threw her arms around the girl in a warm and motherly hug. Nikki returned the embrace.

"Thanks, Miss Jessie."

" _Just_  Jessie," she smiled. "You did good there, hon. Real good."

* * *

 

Tiffany picked a random direction and flew. With eyes clenched and body intangible there was nothing to stop her, nothing to guide her. Her wings burned her out past the city limits and down the ribbon of highway following the coast until she came to the old lighthouse that illuminated the bay. She slumped over the rail encircling the rotating beacon and let her legs dangle over the rock and surf.

So Nikki was gay.

Tiffany peeled the butterfly mask from her face and stared at it for a long time. The searchlight at her back would illuminate her disguise in sweeping waves. Visible, dark, visible, dark.  She tried to think back and search for hints she should have picked up – as a fairy, and as a friend.  _Maybe she wasn't just being shy all those times I tried to set her up with guys._ She tortured herself trying to suss out a smoking gun, but in the end Nikki's own words damned her.

_You never listened to me._

She dropped the mask, let it tumble into the dark waters.  How laughable her fantasy now seemed.  She’d meant to be a hero to her friends – a super-mom – but in one hour, Jessica had done Nikki more good than all her weeks of fairy coaching.  “Did I do anything right?” she asked the sweeping beacon. Its lamplight glinted against her belt buckle and the attached Huniebee. Tiffany pulled out the phone and toggled through the menus until she brought up Kyu's red list.

AUDREY BELROSE

NICOLE ANN-MARIE

JESSICA MAYE

She'd never read past this entry but now she slid down the menu, not too surprised by what awaited.

TIFFANY MAYE

She thumbed open her file.

NAME: TIFFANY ISABELLA MAYE

STATUS: VIRGIN. SUBJECT HAS ATTEMPTED SEVERAL RELATIONSHIPS DURING HIGH SCHOOL BUT ALL HAVE BEEN BRIEF AND SELF-TERMINATED, TYPICALLY AFTER LEARNING THE SEXUAL HISTORY OR FANTASIES OF HER PARTNERS.

DUE TO INSECURITIES CENTERING ON A FAILED RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOTHER, TIFFANY IS QUICK TO JUDGE AND KEEPS FRIENDS AND PARTNERS AT ARM’S LENGTH.  BY AVOIDING DEEP COMMITMENT SHE HOPES TO AVOID BEING HURT BY A BETRAYAL OF CHARACTER.

She didn't like the fairy report but she couldn't disagree with it. She really didn't know her friends. Never really pushed them to share anything more than skin deep. The party girl, the gamer geek. It was simpler that way, wasn't it?

Reading the Huniebee was like staring into the engraving on her tombstone: HERE LIES TIFFANY MAYE. NEVER TRUSTED ANYONE, NOBODY TRUSTED HER.  Anton, Nikki, Kyu – she thought she’d been so clever, knowing what everyone needed, and in the end she’d made everyone miserable.  “Some hero I turned out to be.”  She couldn’t even be a proper friend.

A timely buzz from the Huniebee roused her. An update on Audrey – she'd changed locations to …  _the university campus?_   Bringing up the GPS map allowed her to zoom in on the specific building, a residential property just off of campus. The Zeta Alpha Epsilon fraternity.  _What on earth is she doing?_

It didn’t matter.  She had to get over there immediately. She'd failed Nikki, she wasn’t about to fail her best friend.

UOG campus, however, rested on the north end of town.  In her self-loathing Tiffany had flown south far beyond Glenberry’s outskirts. Her wings could drive her a solid 45 mph but that wouldn't take her nearly fast enough.  _I need to get stronger._

Tiffany considered her hourglass pendant. She'd only ever taken one pill at a time, gulping down a fresh one as her timer neared the end of another hour. Kyu called them pep pills for magic but how did they work? Could the body only absorb so much at time, like vitamins, or did the effects accumulate in your system like alcohol?

Tiffany popped the cap and chugged down an entire mouthful.

Like a fire doused with gasoline, her body exploded. Light blasted from her skin and her pink hair overheated to a raw white. The worst came from her shoulders, screaming with pain as four new wings split from her skin, climbing for the stars until four gargantuan limbs like bony trees swayed from her back, their finger-like branches webbed with a golden film.

Then her muscles twitched and the wings were lost in a vibrating blur.

_University,_  Tiffany thought, and in her mind's eye she could see the campus buildings as though she was already there. How simple would be to reach out and touch -

From the streets of Glenberry, a white comet lanced across the starry sky, trailed by a deafening sonic boom. In the skies above, a sole thought drove the fiery light forward.

_Wait for me, Audrey. I've got your back._


	8. Game Over

The wind rustling through the university kicked into a tempest as Tiffany screamed towards the campus. Students attending evening classes startled and pointed to the incoming ball of white light and, just as it seemed the burning missile would crash, the wind died and it winked out of sight.

Over the mumble of puzzled students, no one caught the tiny cries of a winged girl tumbling and rolling over the grassy lawn like a stray football.

Tiffany wrestled her way out of the dead, feathery wings tangled around her body like drag chutes, pausing to rub the feeling of whiplash from her neck.  _Guess even fairy drugs make you pay for overdosing._  The supersonic flight had used up her extra kick of magic and her new wings had torn off in the impact. She was back to her pink hair and dragonfly wings, and she stood in front of her destination: the Zeta Alpha Epsilon fraternity house.  _Audrey's in there._  She wanted to race inside but, still disoriented from the fall, Tiffany opted to limp gingerly to the three-story house's porch and carefully press herself through the front door.

Inside, the blast of rock music only disoriented her further. The living room was filthy, a mess of beer cans and hanging party streamers. Colourful flower leis, on closer inspection. A gaggle of boys were crowded around the TV, some playing a video game shooter and the others cheering on their friends. No sign of Audrey, but her eyes lingered on a corkboard collage of passed out, half-naked girls. Each polaroid was tagged with a name and date like it was a hunting trophy.  _This is seriously creepy. I thought Marco cleaned up this place!_

Tiffany made her way up the stairs, hovering to avoid touching the stained carpets. As with Nikki, she needed no Huniebee to guide her, just the thump of dance music reverberating from Marco's third floor room. She had a good idea of why Audrey had detoured from the date schedule and she wasn't looking forward to this 'I told you so' moment. With arms hugged to her chest, Tiffany phased through Marco's door and gagged at the sight inside.

Marco's room had been converted into an impromptu dance floor with an iPod speaker blaring music and a plug-in disco ball painting the walls with rainbow dots. Five other guys were crammed between the desk and bed, and Audrey stood in the center of the pack making an absolute spectacle of herself: her backside grinding against one boy's jeans, her chin tilted to the ceiling and her mouth guzzling down a beer to the thumping chorus of "chug, chug, chug!"

Tiffany massaged her forehead.  _No surprises here._ Audrey Belrose, an exceptional girl given a once in a lifetime ticket to ride the train of true love, and she'd yanked the emergency handbrake so she could get drop-dead drunk with Marco's frat buddies.

The crowd cheered: Audrey had just polished off her latest liquid conquest. The redheaded vixen wiped her mouth and let out a mean, reverberating belch that sent the boys into a frenzy and got her howling like a hyena.

"My friend," she slurred, "wud be soooo pissed if sh'saw me now! No wait, lemmie try tha' again." She stifled her giggles and switched to her sweet voice. " _She'd be like, totally in a tiff! Audrey, you gotta like, be all sweet 'n nice! No drinking, Audrey!_  Well go suck a dick, bitch! You're not the boss of me!"

The boys howled and raised their bottles. Tiffany's cheeks burned.

"Hmm, so who's got my nex' drink?" Audrey's shaky fingers danced over the three grinning boys on the bed, each cradling an open beer bottle between their legs. The redhead settled on the spiky-haired one in the middle and started her show, dropping to her knees and seductively crawling forward, hands shimmying up his legs while the other boys egged her own. With exaggerated slowness, Audrey wrapped her tongue around the bottle and slid her lips down the narrow neck. Audrey bobbed her head and pretended to moan for the boys' amusement, then, with a quick snap of her neck, she flicked the bottle out and upside-down and let the contents glug down her throat while the boys hooted. She lost her balance, of course, tumbling on her backside and scattering her legs, but she kept chugging till she spat out the empty bottle and hooted too.

"Fuck, yeah – no hands! Yeah, you boys like that shit, don'cha? Hey, Marky Mark, yer friends're all real fuckin' perverts!"

_Marco!_ Tiffany spotted him tucked in the corner, jotting notes in his black book and monitoring his date's debauchery like a dispassionate researcher. Tiffany took his silence for a look of appalment. She could only imagine the disappointing journal he was recording.  _Date_   _boozed up on restaurant wine and hijacked our romantic evening. Dragged me to a convenience store for cheap beer (and made me carry it), then insisted I show her around the frat. Not repeating this mess._

The party appeared beyond his control but at least he was ever the gentleman. Audrey's purse hung around his shoulder; he'd probably confiscated it to keep her from sending any drunk texts on her phone.

Back at the dance floor, the boys were already queueing up the next bottles for their female entertainment, who snorted at their display. "M'friend would luv you guys," Audrey told the boys. "S'thinks she's hot shit. Mizz Know-it-All, all squeaky-clean. You aughta see the freaky shit she keeps in 'er room. Jus' as raunchy as you horn-dogs."

If they hadn't all been so drunk they might have noticed the angry sparks jumping off Tiffany's wings.  _So this is what I am to you – a punchline for your stupid parties._ Audrey seemed to fancy herself some raunchy, stand-up comedian, slinging insults at her audience and winning their respect with her wit. The boys laughed, but Tiffany could see it was at their own private joke. They didn't care how badly this girl trashed them so long as they could enjoy the sexy drunk girl putting on a skin show for them.

Audrey readied another salvo of Tiffany gossip. "Kay, m'friend –" but she wobbled and barely caught herself against Marco's desk. "Wha' th'fuck! Shit, a girl's gonna break 'er neck in these heels." Steadying herself against the desk, she raised a shoe to pick at the buckle strap, sliding her skirt up in the process. The spiky-haired boy whistled, and Audrey cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, you boys like that, huh?" Tiffany clapped her hands to her eyes.  _No,_   _Audrey, no!_ Beside her, Marco stiffened.

But there was no stopping Audrey now that she'd found a new game. Plopping down in Marco's chair, she started playing with the straps of her shoe, teasing out her heel and letting the shoe dangle from her toes as the catcalls crescendoed. When she finally let it drop, the crowd roared. "One more, girl! One more!"

Audrey bent her chest into her thighs and slid her fingers down her calves, tugging the last shoe once, twice, off! Then she raised the shoe to her face and licked her tongue over the heel, trying to act sexy but gagging over the taste of leather. It was good enough for the boys, so she kept slobbering like a puppy while taunting the simple-minded jocks. "Yeah, you dicks live fer this shit, don'tcha?"

"Keep it comin', babe!"

Tiffany couldn't look away from the train wreck, equal parts furious and embarrassed for her friend. Audrey had her hand up her skirt and was wiggling her hips as she fumbled for the band of her nylons. In her mind she must have looked so desirable, turning around and bending her backside at the boys while she slid the leggings to her knees. Halfway through, the drunk girl tumbled splat on the floor, shrieking with laughter as though she were on a spinning carnival ride. The boys on the bed tried to help her out, pulling her stockings off from her toes, and Audrey laughed and squirmed like she was a kindergartener in a tug-of-war match. It was all a game to her.

"Take it all off," another boy hooted once Audrey got back onto her bare legs. In the corner, Marco chewed tensely on his thumb.

"Tha' wha' you boys want?" Audrey turned her back to them, grinding her hips and grinning like a loon while her fingers teased toward the zipper clasp at her neck. Thumb and forefinger plucked up the metal tongue and gave a half-inch tug – the boys wolf-whistled – then another – they howled – peeling open her dress just above her bra.

Audrey glanced over her shoulder and waved her hand for more noise. The boys roared at her to keep going. One hand grabbed the zipper again; the other slid to her leg and started bunching up her skirt and exposing her silky thigh. "More?" she purred.

The response deafened Tiffany.

"NAW!" Zipper and skirt yanked back into place. "You boys ain't getting' shit," Audrey taunted, blowing a raspberry at her crowd.

Now the tide turned. The boys pelted their teaser with hisses and boos, (the spiky-haired boy shouted "Boo-urns!"), grumbling at the cruel and abrupt ending. Marco seemed to have reached his limit. He switched off the music and muscled his way to the door. "Show's over, guys. Clear out."

The boys moaned and complained, but they all obeyed - grabbing their drinks, filing to the door and delivering Marco fist bumps and "good lucks" before leaving. Marco shut the door and, in her corner, Tiffany sighed in relief. Time for saner heads to re-take control of this evening and get Audrey home safely.

Audrey was still laughing to herself and twirling in circles, but the high was coming down. "Tha' waz fun. You have fun, Marky? Yer friends're silly, Marky."

"They're a bunch of idiots," the fraternity leader noted, "but they're loyal, and they know when to follow orders." He met Audrey in the center of the room but the redhead breezed past him.

"Friends. Tha' mus’ be nice. Wish I had some. You wanna be friends, Marky?"

Marco didn't answer. "You're chatty when you're drunk, aren't you?"

"Ahm, th' party bus tha' never stops," Audrey giggled, stopping only when her ankles wobbled again. "Shit, this is gonna hurt in th' morning. Where's my purse, Marky? You seen my purse?"

The athlete's foot shoved something under the bed. "Dunno. You probably dropped it downstairs." Audrey mumbled something foul and did her best to navigate the spinning room to the door. The knob rattled in her fingers.

"S'locked," she muttered, puzzling over the door like it was a stalled car in need of a boost. While she fought the knob impotently, Marco's shadow loomed over Audrey and the redhead wobbled to face him.

He smiled coldly. "I thought we could use some privacy."

Tiffany tensed up. Even after seeing the real Audrey cut loose, he still wanted to spend time with her?  _Well, he is a boy_ , she countered. At the door, Audrey swallowed slowly, her eyes small and sober. Marco stood so close their chests brushed with every inhale, and he wasn't moving. She tried cracking a laugh. "Party fer two. Kinda borin', am I right?"

Marco only leaned closer, brushing a strand of Audrey's hair. The redhead spun and tried the door again.

Marco scooped an arm around Audrey's waist, pinning her arms in his bear-like grip. Bending over, he nipped his teeth into the back of her neck. Audrey stiffened and gasped.

"You looked so sexy doing your dance," he growled. Audrey's zipper squeaked down her back and Marco's lips wandered from her neck to her shoulder blades. "No reason we can't keep going, hmm?"

Tiffany averted her eyes.  _Time to give them some privacy_. A night of drunken sex in a frat house wasn't her ideal ending, but insisting on her plans was what had caused Nikki so much grief. If this was how Audrey preferred to close her evenings, at least she'd paired her friend with a decent guy.  _Though I never expected Marco would be so aggressive._ The boy was really getting into it, his hand worming through the open back of her dress and wandering over Audrey's stomach.

She'd seen too much already and meant to phase out, but Audrey's reactions made Tiffany stop and look again. Her friend's body had gone stiff, hit with that same paralysis Tiffany had witnessed when Marco leaned over to kiss her in his car. Audrey sucked air in fitful, frightened gasps like she was hyperventilating. "Marky? Hey, t-time out, 'kay? I need -"

Marco's teeth pinched her collar until Audrey squeaked. "I know what you need," he growled, hands wandering lower.

Audrey tried again. "I … I have to use the bathroom! I gotta go!"

"Yeah, I've heard that one before."

"I mean it, I'm gonna piss all over the rug!"

Marco scanned her panicked eyes for sincerity, weighing a clean carpet against his cravings. Finally, with an irritated grunt, he pushed her away. "Third door on the left. Hurry up."

Audrey's face told that she desperately wanted to escape the room, but just standing took a terrible effort. She teetered with arms out, leaning against the wall to keep her balance. Tiffany scanned the empty bottles littering the room.  _Just how many of those did she drink?_

While Audrey searched for her center of gravity, Marco paced the floor, eyeing her loosened dress and the trail of bare skin running down to her hips. His hands snatched the fabric at her neck. One tug – the dress ripped from her shoulders. Another – the fabric tore to her waist and a final yank sent it puddling at her ankles. Marco planted a foot over the dress and waited for Audrey to step out of her clothes. "Don't go anywhere," he whispered into her ear.

Audrey wobbled through the door and into a crowd of hooting boys and flashing camera phones. She startled, hid her face and forced her way through the crowd of boys hungry to snap her picture or to grab at her skin. Tiffany tried to keep the worst at bay, shoving away the wandering hands.

Audrey slammed and bolted the bathroom door. Tiffany phased in after her and watched.

Once Audrey caught her breath she started scanning the room for exits. There was a small window above the toilet but it was only wide enough to let fresh air through. Audrey tried standing on the throne and opening the screen anyway but the frame was barred to keep pigeons from roosting. Her face fell in a crushing defeat and she sank onto the toilet, shivering.

Seeing Audrey alone, quaking and stripped to her underwear stunned Tiffany. She'd always assumed the redhead dressed exclusively in lacy lingerie: alluring red and black bras accompanied by the barest string of a matching thong, but Audrey's underwear was shockingly plain – white cotton with nothing but a black pinprick of a ribbon as decoration. This was the best she had for her date night.  _She's the same as me underneath._

"I just don't get you, Audrey."

"Tiffany?" Audrey face lit up as though she beheld a holy angel; she stood and tried to grab the fairy. Tiffany patted at her bare face and remembered how she'd thrown away her butterfly mask. Mortified, she switched to full invisible, leaving Audrey to phase through her and grope blindly on the floor.

"Jessie," Audrey corrected herself, panic and relief mingling in her voice. "Jessie, you gotta help me."

"I've tried, Audrey, but I'm honestly at my limit. I set you up with a caring guy and you complain he's too nice. You drink yourself stupid and strip for a bunch of strangers, then you freak out when a guy who likes you tries to be intimate."

"Please, Jess, you gotta tell me what to do!"

_Yeah, because that strategy's had a good record._ "Audrey, you need to figure out what it is that you want."

Her friend gave a panicked whine. "I'm talking about Marco! He wants to … to do it with me!" The word 'sex' was suddenly too frightening to utter. "What'm I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to put my hands? Am I supposed to talk dirty or just shut up? I don't know what to do!"

"Well don't look at me; you're the expert who sleeps with a different guy every night."

Audrey’s fist hammered the floor. "You just love rubbing that in my face, don't you? You've been hounding me since day one; you think I don't feel shitty enough without you reminding me?"

"About what?"

"That I've never had sex with anyone!"

Had she been visible, Audrey would have seen the fairy's eyes bugged out wider than dinner plates. "You?"  _A virgin?_ "But, but all those stories –"

"What d’you think?  I made it all up! I've never had sex, never given head, never even jerked off a guy!" Audrey wiped her eyes. "I haven't kissed a guy since high school, dammit."

Audrey puddled on the floor and Tiffany kneeled over her friend. "Audrey, why didn't you –"

"Tell you?" the redhead finished. "You think anyone’s impressed by some rich, know-nothing daddy's-girl? That they wanna hang out with a loser who's got nothing better to do than shop and feed her fish? Nobody gives a shit about me if I'm not wild or crazy messed-up! Not the boys, not the girls; not even my friends!"

A sob choked out of Audrey's throat and she curled up on the floor, a miserable shadow of the girl Tiffany had admired.  Audrey Belrose – life of the party, master of her destiny, and so terribly desperate for approval that she’d turned her life into one of the theatre performances she adored.   _I haven't learned anything_ , Tiffany realized. Still seeing only what she wanted, never asking the hard questions, like why her friend always went clubbing alone, or why she never followed through on her flirtations.  Assuming that her friends could stand strong without her, when she was the only support they had.

Tiffany reached out and touched her fingers to Audrey's shoulder. The redhead swatted her away.  "Don't touch me. You say you're helping me but then you leave me like every other bitch I've met. The minute they get a taste of something better," she snapped her fingers, "gone!"

_No. This ends now._ "I've never left you, Audrey."  _Audrey – s_ he held the name close to her heart and let her veil slip away. "I've done a lousy job of it lately, but I've always got your back."

Her words made Audrey stop everything and look up, meeting a sad smile and blue eyes that no amount of pink hair or fairy wings could disguise. "Tiffany?"

She nodded, and stripped off the stupid kitty ear headband and the ridiculous cat paw gloves. "Yeah, it's me, Audrey."

"But, but how'd you –?"

"That's a long story, and I think I'd better save it for when you sober up." She wiped a stray bang from Audrey's face. "God, I really wish you didn't drink so much."

That pricked a nerve. "I drank because you left me on my own! I needed t'settle my nerves after my fairy godmother  _ditched_   _me_ , so when Marco offered, I pounded down that cocktail." She swallowed. "Then he got me another. Said I should loosen up, that he likes a girl who can have fun. An' you told me this was my last chance t'impress him, so –"

"So you took him on a beer run?"

Audrey jabbed a wobbly finger in objection. "Marco bought that shit, not me! Said we should go hang with his buddies, play a few drinkin' games, and I'm like  _why not? A'least one of us has friends who'll stick around_."

_Marco bought all that beer?_  Tiffany examined Audrey's eyes, black and baggy as the evening she'd drunk half a liquor cabinet out of desperation. "He  _wanted_  you to drink this much?"

"Said he'd match me," Audrey slurred. "Kept sayin' I should have another, 'n that it waz okay, cause he felt all right."

_Of course he'd feel sober; he's over six feet tall and with an athlete's metabolism!_ This evening hadn't taken a detour, it had gone exactly as planned. "Oh my god, Audrey, I'm so sorry." They had to leave. Now. "Audrey, try to stand up. You need to hold on to me as tightly as you can." She regularly phased her clothing and fairy equipment through walls; surely she could do the same with another person. Right?

Well, the warmth from Audrey hugging against her chest gave her the courage to try. At the very worst she'd pass through the wall empty-handed and have to try something else. "Here goes…" Tiffany's wings hummed them into the air and she charged the bathroom wall.

The bang against her head didn't hurt quite so much as the surprise of hitting the solid wall and tumbling to the floor. "Wha' th'fuck?" Audrey groaned.

"What's going on?" Tiffany shot up in a heartbeat, patting her hands against the bathroom walls, hunting for the secret switch that would let her squeeze through. "I can't phase!" Was her magic running low? She popped open the hourglass necklace for a boost and gasped.

Empty. In her mad rush to find Audrey she'd swallowed the last of Kyu's fairy pills. She'd reached her limit.

"Shiii… wha's happenin' t'yer wings?"

Audrey's voice focused her on a sound like winter ice splintering under footsteps. Tiffany threw herself at the bathroom mirror, starring in horror as spider web cracks raced through her dragonfly wings and drops of pink dye pooled at the tips of her bangs.

"Not like this…"

Regular transformations had never hurt since that first day in the hospital but tonight, Tiffany ached to her very soul. She muttered desperate prayers as her wings crumbled and shattered against the ground. She clutched at her skin as the fairy glamour flaked from her limbs and pressed at her scalp as though she could hold in the magic dribbling through her fingers like pink blood.  Jessie the love fairy burst into a heap of sparkling dust and coloured water, and in her remains stood Tiffany Maye, the worthless, leftover stem of a wilted rose.

"Shit, it really is you." Though her friend looked more familiar than ever, Audrey's voice was frightened and unsure.  _She's right to be scared_ , Tiffany thought as she stared at her newly blonde locks and her bare shoulders. Jessie the fairy godmother had been Audrey’s only chance out of this mess and now, all she could offer was a post-midnight Cinderella.  They were trapped.

_Have we been here long?_ Maybe it wasn't too late.  "Maybe if we still hurry we can –"

A violent bang on the door cut that thought. "Audrey! What's the hold up?"

Audrey paled and scrambled to the corner like a bug. "He's gonna hurt me," she whimpered.

Furious, Tiffany seized Audrey by the wrist and forced her to stand. "He's not laying a finger on you." She scanned the room. No way out but through the door and Marco, nothing useful inside beyond toothpaste and shaving lotion. Nothing on her body but a sketchy dress and her fairy belt.

No. That wasn't all she had.

"Audrey, stay close to me. I'm opening the door."

She had a plan.

* * *

She saw Marco’s eyes widen in surprise when the door ripped open from inside, but that shock morphed into all-out bewilderment once he met her determined glare.

"Maye?" he exclaimed. "Tiffany Maye from the cheer squad? How the hell'd you …? What're you doing here?"

Did he dare play the fool with her? Tiffany stomped forward, left arm at her back guarding Audrey, the other jabbing a finger at Marco's chest. "What am I doing? What about you? You were supposed to take Audrey on a romantic night on the town, not this creep zone. I'm taking Audrey home, Marco."

She wasn't too surprised when the athlete's huge arm barricaded the doorway. "My girl's had a bit too much to drink, Maye. She needs to chill somewhere safe while she sleeps it off."

"Oh, and that's with you?"

"Better me than you, Maye. Belrose can't keep her mouth shut once she starts drinking, and she's been yammering all night about what a bitch you've been to her."

Tiffany's thoughts swam through all conversations she’d shared with this boy after football games; how kind and genuine his smile had seemed. "Marco, what's going on here? This isn't like you. You're this sweet, nice guy who takes care of others and volunteers at the animal shelter."

He chuckled at that last one. "Yeah, all that kitten crap really gets the ladies wet. What can I say, Maye? I like to keep a tight reputation."

"And this is where it all goes?  So you can get your date drunk and try to take advantage of her?"

"I didn't hear a 'no'."

“Well she didn’t say ‘yes’ either!”

They traded angry glares until Marco suddenly broke off in laughter, like this stand-off was nothing but an absurd joke. "Sorry, it's just," he paused to retrieve his black dating book and read a page. " _Tiffany Maye. Second year – academic, animal lover; uptight little prude._  Now, here you are, standing up for Audrey Belrose, the biggest slut on campus!"

Tiffany's stomach tightened into knots _. He's got a profile on me in there?_

"Do you even know who this girl is, Maye? I've heard all the stories – flirting with anything that moves, fucking random guys left and right; drops you once your wallet and your dick are dry. Hell, I booze her up, I lay her down; I'm just giving Belrose the night she wants!"

Audrey peeped up from behind. "I, I don't want –"

"Oh, what? You wanna put on that 'good girl' routine again? Bitch, you stole my wallet just so you could get close and get some of what I've got; don't bullshit me now! You can dress up nice, act all sweet and innocent but that doesn't change what you are: a god-damn whore!"

Audrey crumpled under the accusations, but Tiffany only felt her resolve harden. Staring down Marco felt like staring into a mirror, and now she understood why, when she'd threatened Kyu with violence, the fairy had looked at her with such pity and disgust.

"You don't know a god-damn thing about Audrey," she hissed. "How much she loves going to the theatre and spending time with her grandmother; all the care she puts into looking after her fish! She raises seahorses; did you know that? And do you know how much she loves to sing?"

She felt her heart spilling forth in a tsunami of words but her appeals crashed weightlessly against Marco. The only effect they had on the jock was to make his lips twitch as he fought back another wave of laughter. "Why am I wasting my time with you, Maye? Unless you're looking to get fucked like this bitch, get the hell outta my house!"

He tried to move in again. "I'll tell everyone about you," Tiffany fired. Marco shrugged off the assault.

"Tell whoever the fuck you want. God knows those three bitches from last year yacked their pretty heads off after I bent them over, but I'm still here, and y'know why? It's all about reputation."

Marco gestured to himself like he was a museum exhibit. "Me? I'm the UOG golden boy. My talent brings in donations; new students and their tuition. The admin's gonna bend over backwards to keep me playing football. Plus, my boys," he jerked a thumb to the hall of doors, "will all back up my story. Belrose got drunk and was begging for it. Who are you, Maye? Just some uptight ditz whose whore friend got what was coming to her."

Tiffany had a hard time responding, her teeth just wouldn't separate from their lock-jawed gnashing. But she calmed herself enough to give a dark smile. "You're right," she nodded. "It's just your word against mine."

The left hand she’d kept at her back raised the Huniebee and rewound its recording app until Marco's voice shouted over the tiny speaker –  _less you're looking to get fucked like this bitch, get the hell outta my –_  and she watched the jock's pupils narrow to pinpoints.

"So let's say it loud and proud."

She stepped into the hallway and Marco staggered from her phone like it was Kryptonite. Tiffany pressed her opening and pulled Audrey with her, stepping backwards to keep Marco in view. The boy gaped blankly at them, probably watching his life flash before his eyes, but as they neared the staircase, Marco woke from his trance with furious eyes and growled.

"Give me the phone, Maye."

"Tiff…" Audrey gripped her shoulder like a safety railing. Turning sideways and keeping one hand on her friend, Tiffany holstered her phone and whipped out the purple pheromone vial like a can of mace.

"Stay away from us, Marco."

The ruse only worked for a second. Marco hung back, weighing the sprinting distance, the chemical pain and her reaction speed, but when Audrey wobbled her first foot onto the staircase, the jock knew he was out of options. He lunged after them.

Tiffany's trigger finger squeezed and shot him right across the eyes. Marco cried out and clawed at his face, but he was only suffering from reflexive panic, and very quickly realized that the liquid in his eyes was harmless as water.

"What the hell, perfume?" To Tiffany, the spray was odorless but the frat leader sniffed the air after some phantom stench. "Baked … beans?"

Then the pheromones wormed into Marco's brain and the jock seized up, eyes pale and panicked. Sweat ran from his forehead, tremors shook through his legs and his hands grabbed at his stomach like it was about to burst from his belly. "Oh god…" he gasped. Marco's pupils narrowed to a single pinprick, and his brain narrowed to a similarly singular need. He bolted for the bathroom – Tiffany heard the jingling of zippers and the rattling of porcelain seats and then –

Boom.

Tiffany had been wondering how the purple vial worked; how it convinced the brain to bring about  _the immediate cessation of all dating activities._  Did it switch off your emotional centers and turn you into a disinterested zombie? Perhaps it flooded the brain with fear, making the client too cowardly to continue relations? No, she'd been thinking too kindly. The love fairies understood that there was one universal turn-off that all cultures and people reacted to with revulsion and shame, and they'd weaponized it in the name of protecting mankind's dating pool.

Waves of sound and stench made the girls gag and pinch their noses. An abrupt, wet and drawn-out trill like the blast from a whoopee cushion. A poisonous perfume of rotten eggs, refried beans and sour milk and, from Marco's throat, the shrill, hope-abandoning scream of a man being dragged to hell as his bowels succumbed to a bout of instantaneous and explosive diarrhea.

Or, as Audrey surmised through her alcohol-inebriated brain, "Holy shit, he crapped his pants!"

Tiffany’s thoughts spiraled into the past.  _Oh my god, I almost used this on Nikki!_

They froze for what seemed like hours, noses clamped shut so they wouldn’t fall off their faces. Finally, gasps of relief, the flush of spinning water, and the wasted panting of a man crawling on hands and knees. Marco dragged his way to the door, jeans around his knees and very little to show beneath his shirt. Literally, very little.

"Whaddid you do to me," Marco gasped. "Whaddid you –" and that was as far as he managed before round two kicked in and he heaved chunks all over the floor. Tiffany gagged and backed away from the spreading, pea soup green pond. Audrey just stared mutely, the horrors magnified by her drunken state. Tears watered from Marco's eyes and snot dribbled down his nose as every orifice of his body flipped the emergency release switch. And, oh yes, judging by the dark patch spreading over his boxers, there were no exceptions.

By that point all the hallway doors had opened and frat boys streamed into the hall, some puzzled by the yelling, others disgusted by the smell and looking for answers. All of them made a full stop and, seeing Marco collapsed in his own vomit and feces, started laughing their heads off.

"S'not funny!" Marco roared, breaking off to vomit again.  "Call th' -"  _urp! "-_ hospital, you shitheads!  Call the ... no, don't take pictures, you assholes!"  _Thbbpt!  "_ I swear to god, if you Instagram this shit I'll -"  _Blechh!_   Marco cowered and backpedaled into the bathroom like a hideous troll retreating under his bridge.  The frat boy mob huddled at the door in pursuit.

_Bastards_ , Tiffany grimaced, remembering how they'd hooted and paraded around Audrey. She sprayed a thick mist of purple over the boys and pulled Audrey down the staircase, stopping every few steps to freshen the air. By the time they made it to the front porch, the frat house wailed with the screams and moans of multiple digestive systems hitting their panic alerts and engaging emergency evacuation.

Tiffany slammed the door on it all.  They were free.

"Tiff?"  _That’s right, it’s not over yet_.  Audrey shivered on the porch in her underwear, staring at her unmasked friend.  Her eyes were reliving every magical visitation, every intimate secret shared with the fairy stranger; every argument fought with her absentee friend.  Jessie and Tiffany, two confounding puzzles she now had to reassemble into a single whole.  “Tiffany?” she repeated.

"Yeah, it's me, Audrey. It's a long story but –"

"You bitch!" Audrey's right hook knocked Tiffany clean off her feet. The redhead tackled her to the ground, fists bundled up like wrecking balls and hammering away at her friend. Tiffany's arms guarded off the worst blows but Audrey wasn't holding anything back.

"You bitch! You set me up with that fuck-head rapist! You god-damn bitch!"

"Audrey, I didn't know! I'm –"  _sorry?_  She wanted to scream her sorries from the rooftops but she knew empty words wouldn’t cut it. She'd screwed up so much tonight. So she lowered her guard and took the worst Audrey could dish out; let her friend scream and sob and slap and punch until she had nothing left to give. The instant she had an opening, Tiffany sat up and threw her arms around Audrey. The girl pushed and squirmed but Tiffany held her still.

"You're the worst fucking friend ever, Tiffany Maye."

"I know," she sobbed. "But I'm never giving up on you, Audrey."

When Audrey grew sedate enough for her to pull away, Tiffany stood, undid the clasps and zippers on her fairy dress and stripped down to her strapless bra and bike shorts. "Here, put this on." Her boots were a size too big but she gave those to Audrey as well. This was her mess and it would be her walk of shame.

The dress draped awkwardly over Audrey but she furiously clutched at its warmth. "Now what? You'd better fucking have money for a cab home."

"We're not going home, Audrey. Not yet." Campus security had an office just two blocks away but Tiffany set the Huniebee's GPS for the nearest police station.

"First, we're going to make this right."

 


	9. New Game+

It was 9:30 am at the Nutmeg café and the early-morning breakfast crowd was in full swing, keeping the waitresses on their toes delivering orders of pastries and omelettes to the morning joggers and brunchers. In the shelter of a corner booth, Tiffany and her friends were an island of silence amid a sea of conversation. Audrey buried her face in a fashion magazine, Nikki blew bubbles into her chocolate milk and Tiffany tapped her nails against her coffee cup to steady herself through the awkwardness.  _Why won't they say anything?_  This was her trio's first meeting since last week's failed dates and everything was spectacularly wrong. Her gaze alternated between the angry redhead who refused to acknowledge her and the muted bluenette who had, bizarrely enough, organized this meeting.

Tiffany watched with baited breath as Nikki slurped up the final dregs of her beverage. The shy gamer never took the lead in any of their activities. Why had she called them together now?

"So, you guys know anything about that campus fraternity that got suspended last week?"

Tiffany's nail jabbed through her Styrofoam cup. "Oh, that!" she exclaimed, laughing gaily as she mopped up her spilt drink with a napkin.  _Just act natural. Just act natural._ "Yeah, wasn't there some sort of food poisoning incident? Half the members were hospitalized with severe dehydration, right Audrey?"

Audrey only grunted and flipped a page of her magazine. They hadn't been on speaking terms since leaving the police station. Nikki took the silence as a cue to continue her tale of intrigue.

"Food poisoning. Maybe. All I know is that something totally messed up went down last Friday. You know my dad's a plumber, right? And he does contracts with the university, okay? Well, he got called to work at this same fraternity last weekend and apparently there was a sanitation crew in haz-mat suits carting out furniture and gutting carpets. He told me he's never seen a mess like this; that there was shit all over the place!"

Tiffany took a long sip of coffee as she considered the response an innocent bystander would give. "Hmm. That's too bad," she replied, keeping her smile to a flat line. "I heard the building was so badly wrecked that it'll be demolished, and the university just decided to close this local chapter instead of relocating."

"Yeah, that's the official report," Nikki agreed, "but it's a different story on social media. People are saying it wasn't just ambulances that showed up at the house. There were police cruisers too. They're saying the cops arrested one of the members on sexual assault charges. Apparently these frat guys, they had a girl locked up in the house, except she busted out and ran to the cops and – get this – she actually recorded the guy on her phone saying he was gonna –" Nikki trailed off there, "… well, you know… do … stuff to her…"

Audrey flipped her latest page so hard it ripped from the spine.

"Anyway, apparently the cops raided the frat and found a whole bunch of creepy shit: the girl's clothes, her purse; plus, the guys all had these naked phone pics of her. Each one time stamped, of course, so it pretty much confirmed her story."

"Where's this going, Nikki?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Nikki pounded the table, rattling their drinks. "The university's covering up the truth! I did my research and Zeta House is full of big-name athletes. One of them got arrested and now the university's trying to hush it all up. They'll probably settle everything out of court, quietly expel this guy and we'll never know what really happened! You guys are students; you've gotta have some insider scoop for me! I mean, Audrey, weren't you dating one of the ZAE members?"

"Nope."

"But, weren't you bragging about this guy –"

"Nope."

"But I thought you said –"

"N-O, No."

Nikki blinked slowly. "Um, okay. Sorry." The rejection clammed her up for a second, but then the bluenette was leaning over the table with a fresh conspiratorial whisper.

"So, who do you guys think the girl was? Some blogs are saying she was a blonde, others ginger. I mean, it must have been someone pretty important for the cops to crack down like they did. I was looking up city councillors and politicians with daughters on campus, and my bet is it's –"

Audrey smacked her magazine against the table. "Umm, know what,  _Nicole_? I bet whoever it was that went to the cops about almost getting raped is feeling pretty fucking humiliated by all this and wishes she could just disappear. Maybe she doesn't  _want_  anyone to know what happened so long as that scumbag's gone for good. So here's a little suggestion: unless you're looking for a boot up your bony ass, take your shitty conspiracy theories and shut the hell up, because it's none of your god-damn business!"

Like a deer captured in oncoming headlights, Nikki was stunned, both by Audrey's intensity and her newly altered appearance. The redhead had bleached her cherry locks to an icy, platinum blonde and replaced her signature hair ribbon with a plaited braid tucked behind her ear. Her red checkerboard dress had been similarly uprooted for a regal purple and black mini-dress with long, billowing sleeves that could swallow up her arms like a kimono. It was all but impossible to recognize her as the old Audrey Belrose, and Tiffany had a guilty feeling that was the exact intention.

"Are we done here? Because if you made me get up this early on a Saturday just so you could yap about your stupid tabloid crap, I'm gonna smack a bitch!"

Tiffany jumped in as referee. "I think Audrey's just a little surprised that you asked us out, Nikki. The two of us have always been the ones to set up dates."

"Um, I don't need you talking for me, Tiffany Maye, and no, I'm definitely just pissed."

Nikki gave a sheepish grin. "Well, I kinda hadn't seen you two in a while, and Anton was telling me I didn't always have to wait for you guys to call me, so I figured maybe we could meet for breakfast or something."

"Anton," Tiffany added. "How is he?"

Nikki's cheeks flushed and she shrank into her seat. "Oh, Anton? He's um … good, I guess. He um, called me a couple days back and we talked things over. I guess we kinda decided we should just stick to being friends."

Audrey bolted upright. "You got dumped? Holy shit, what a prick!" She sounded outraged but Tiffany could now catch the bright twinkle of joy – and relief – in Audrey's eye. "So what happened? I thought you two were all nerd soul mates 'n shit."

Nikki stared at her shoelaces. "We um … found out we didn't share enough interests, I guess." The gamer girl took a deep, steadying breath.

"Actually, that's why I wanted to talk to you guys today. I um, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. You know, self-reflection and all that. Dating Anton made me realize some things about myself, and I kinda met this new friend and she told me I shouldn't be hiding stuff about how I feel. So, that's where you two come in. I need to … no, that's not right, it's more like I  _want_ to tell you –" Nikki cleared her throat. "To tell you guys that I'm … I'm-"

Audrey rolled her eyes at the stutter-starts. Tiffany kicked her under the table and urged Nikki on with a smile. The bluenette wiped her brow and tried again.

"Sorry. I wanted to tell you guys that I'm … I'm g-g-"

"You're g-g-what?"

"I'm glad," Nikki choked. "I'm … glad that you guys are my friends and that we can hang out like this. It … means a lot to me."

Nikki folded up like a flower bud and fixated on swirling her straw around its empty cup. Tiffany deflated a bit too.  _Oh Nikki, you were so close!_  The only one immune to the melancholy was Audrey who, despite her new look, remained blunt as ever.

"That's it?" she snapped. "You dragged us all the way out here for a sappy, touchy-feely Care Bears talk? Ugh, that is so lame!" Then, when Tiffany thought Audrey could do no worse than knee Nikki in the stomach, the diva leaned over and rustled her hand through Nikki's hair.

"You nerd girls are all the same – worrying all the time! I can't speak for the blonde bitch over there, but I'm not ditching you any time soon, you got that? So don't get all angsty with this 'waah, they're gonna leave me' bullshit. We're friends, and I'm looking out for you, okay?"

Tiffany sat at attention. Audrey being open and honest about her feelings was a sight as rare and beautiful as a sky of summer comets and now she wished she could have recorded the moment.  _On second thought, maybe her honesty's just rare_. The pep-talk was rough and hypocritical and, if it was meant to inspire Nikki, the message was slightly undercut by Audrey's rough petting, which left a static charge that made Nikki's hair spring up in a poofball. The gamer looked as cheerful as a cat in a bathtub. "Thanks … I guess."

Audrey gave an evil smirk. "Save the thanks for tonight. You and me, we're going shopping. I'm gonna find you a sweet little 'fuck me' dress and then I'm taking you clubbing so we can score you a rebound boy. If that asshole Anton thinks he can dump you, we're gonna show him the foxy bitch he's missing out –"

"Maybe Nikki would prefer to take things slow," Tiffany suggested. "How about renting a movie and having a sleepover?"

Audrey rankled her nose. "Wow, can you get any lamer?" Then Tiffany served up a sharp glare that sent Audrey retreating. "Um, I mean, maybe that could be nice." She went silent a moment, then the need to save face won out. "Ugh, whatever - you two figure it out. I need a smoke."

While Audrey left the table, Nikki looked to Tiffany with the amazement of a cave-woman who'd first witnessed fire. "No way. How'd you get her to back down?"

"Let's just say I've come to know Audrey a little better."

Nikki leaned over to whisper. "I still have no idea why she hangs out with us. Besides for homework. I mean, we're not exactly the cool kids table here."

Tiffany chose her words carefully. "I think Audrey sees a lot of herself in us."

That got Nikki snorting coffee up her nose. "What, you mean a friendless loser? … Um, no offense. I was talking more about me, not you."

Tiffany shrugged it off and changed topics. The younger girl was hitting a little too close to the mark. "Hey Nikki, you know you can tell us anything, right? It doesn't have to be now but, when you're ready, we'll hear you out. And I promise, whatever you say, we won't think any less of you for it."

The bluenette eyed her suspiciously, probably wondering just how obvious her secret was. In the end she settled for a simple nod. "Yeah, okay. Just … not today, Tiffany. It's still a little weird for me."

Tiffany nodded back. Maybe it was better that Nikki never learned who was behind the love fairy's mask. Sharing any further would only hurt her more. She'd cut her ties with Jessie. She didn't need a mom any more, just a friend and a clean slate.

The jingle of welcome chimes drew Tiffany's attention to the front door. Her hair prickled. Leopard-print top, cut-off jeans and dark sunglasses to disguise her celebrity face. Tiffany's pulse quickened.  _Fee-fi-fo-fum. She's here_.

"Hey, Nikki, I'll be back in a minute, okay? There's someone here I know and I wanna go say hi."

"Huh? Oh yeah, that's cool."

Purse over her shoulder, Tiffany left their shaded corner for the central area, only for a scowling, white-haired diva to side-step from behind a potted plant and block her path. "Audrey?"  _Was she waiting for me all this time?_

"You and I need to talk, Tiffany." Her hands were on her hips, primed for a confrontation.

Tiffany side-glanced at Jessie, seating herself at a table for two, but there was someone else who needed her attention more. "Sure, Audrey. Whatever you want."

Audrey looked down at her slowly-tapping foot, then up at the ceiling rafters, perhaps trying to find the right combination of bile and venom to spit in her face. Tiffany gave the girl her space. After what she'd done she deserved nothing less than Audrey's worst barbs. The diva finally growled in frustration. From within her billowing sleeves she produced a white foil bag that she shoved into Tiffany's arms. Tiffany looked at the label.

"Neptune-brand Aquarium gravel?"

"There's cheaper stuff at the pet stores, but they're made from these crappy plastic pellets that leach into the water. So unless you want your goldfish floating belly-up, you've gotta invest in the good stuff."

It was Tiffany's turn to freeze in shock, and Audrey, in turn, looked away.

"What? You said you wanted help with a fish, right?"

Before the girl could react, Tiffany threw her arms around Audrey in a bear hug. "Thank you, Audrey."  _Thank you for forgiving me._

A nervous whisper in her ear: "Don't tell Nikki I'm full of shit, okay?"

"Not my job, but  _you_  make sure you're not bossing her around, got that? Nikki doesn't need makeovers or crazy parties; just someone who'll listen. You know, I remember seeing a fish tank in her apartment."

Audrey's eyes perked as though she'd just learned of a fashion fire-sale. "Nikki? She has a fish?" She stole an excited glance at the lonely gamer girl, then immediately clamped her face to neutral. "Huh, that's ... interesting."

Tiffany smiled as she mashed the aquarium gravel into her handbag. "You should ask her about it. I'll join you two in a minute, but there's someone here I have to talk to."

"Lemmie guess, some other chick you screwed over with your fairy magic?"

Tiffany shook her head. "I told you, I can't transform anymore, and even if I could, I'm done with that." The police had returned her Huniebee after copying the audio files, and the phone and pheromone vials had gone straight into a locked storage box in the back of her closet. She'd been too terrified of contaminating the water supply with flirtation and lust to pour the liquids down the sink, so she resolved to guard these fairy relics, keep them out of sight and out of mind.

"Besides," Tiffany added, looking to her mirror image, "I didn't need any magic to treat her horribly."

It took ten steps to reach Jessie's table, but each foot forward was a tremendous effort, like she was sinking underwater and feeling the pressure closing in all around her. Jessie watched her approach in a guarded pose: arms crossed, lips pursed and sunglasses on to keep her reactions hidden. Tiffany hadn't even sat down and already her mother was cutting her off.

"You got my text. Thanks for coming. Um, how are you?"

"Fine. Work is … Look, I won't take up your time." Jessie plopped her chequebook on the counter. "How much do you need?"

Tiffany reared back. "What? No, I don't need a loan!"

Jessie fished out her keys. "The car, then? A weekend road trip?"

"No, it's not like that –"

"Then you want to borrow my house for a party? No? Well, I can't imagine why you'd want to meet with me in public and risk being seen with a dirty and degenerate who-"

"Mom! I only want to talk, okay?"

In the half-minute of silence her outburst gained them, a waitress decided to press her luck. "Ah, are you two ready to order?"

Jessie flipped over her menu. "One iced peppermint mocha. To go," she added, cocking an eyebrow at her daughter. The message was clear:  _Start talking, you're on the timer._

A deep exhale. She'd planned an entire speech, but her nerves frazzled in the heat of the moment.

"Okay, ah, where do I start? You ever been through a bad break-up? What am I saying? Dumb question. Well, last week, I sort of helped my friend break up with a really bad boyfriend. I thought he was the sweetest guy but he was actually really horrible underneath. He only wanted her for this one thing, and then he was ready to toss her away. You know the feeling, right?"

"Being used up and thrown away?" Jessie kept her guarded pose but she allowed herself a single, bitter laugh. "Mm, isn't that the story of my life. The camera shuts off and they leave. The party winds down and they leave. Oh, you get used to it – strangers judging you, shaming you; I expect to be met with a certain level of disgust, but when that  _hate_  comes from someone you love," she paused, "well, you might as well just stab me through the heart, Tiffany Isabella Maye."

Tiffany dug her fingers through her thighs, flinching as that very same blade twisted in her chest. "Just … let me finish, okay? My friend got hurt last week, but what hurt me most was how this guy talked about my friend; the way he thought he had her all figured out – fit into a nice, simple box that he could stamp with a label and be done with. It hurt because he sounded like me."

In the corner of her eye, a barista approached. Tiffany started talking faster.

"Last week, I started thinking about all the times we shared together and everything you've done with your life: you bake, you play sports, you dance; you throw the greatest Christmas parties ever, and you've spent a whole chunk of your life making sure I'd never go wanting. The … work you do, it's just one part of who you are, and maybe I lost track of that."

Two tables away.

"So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been such an ungrateful daughter, and I'm sorry I've been ashamed of the most important person in my life. I know that doesn't excuse what I've said or how I've treated you but, I want you to know that, while I may not like – or agree – with some things you do, that you're still my mother and I'm not going to throw you away like an old dress. I want my mom bac-"

One iced peppermint mocha thudded on the table.  _Time's up._ Tiffany bowed her head, fighting the shiver working through her spine. Jessie remained in her locked-up pose, chewing over her daughter's words but offering no reaction. Finally, her mother turned her head away and massaged her temple.  _She's ashamed_ , Tiffany thought.  _Ashamed and angry with me_. Her mother despised her. Well, she'd said her piece. If their ties were still severed, it was just what she deserved. Tiffany stood and turned her back.

"I should get going…"

But before she could step away, a chair toppled, heels skidded over the floor and two arms threw themselves around her shoulders and into a sobbing embrace.

" _Mom,_ " Jessie shuddered, sunglasses cast off and eyes weeping. "That's all you had to say. That's all you'll ever have to say and I will run through hell and back to find you."

Tiffany grasped at the arms around her chest, not ready to believe they were real. "You don't hate me?"

Her mother laughed again, and this time her voice was full of joy. "How could I ever hate my baby? How could I ever stay mad the best thing that happened in my life?"

They embraced, holding each other to try and make up for a lifetime of lost love. Tiffany didn't dare open her eyes for the longest while, fearing she would wake up from this wonderful dream, and when she did, her vision was blurry with tears and the sparkle of rainbow dust.

_Wait, what?_ Tiffany' eyes sprang open, following the trail of glitter weaving through the café tables. The face of every patron and waitress had turned towards their reunion except for a lone woman ambling to the front entrance - a brunette with a pixie cut, tank top and jeans. At the door, she turned and Tiffany met her eyes, twinkling with mischief. The girl offered a proud smile and a thumb's-up, and Tiffany gave a teary-eyed wave back.

_Thank you, Kyu. Thank you for everything._

* * *

 

The huggy, weepy family reunion garnered attention from all of the Nutmeg's indoor customers but, on the outdoor patio, one patron was content to contribute a mere side glance while she sipped her tea and read the neatly-stacked files on her table. Her green hair was pulled into a business-like ponytail and she dressed in an immaculately white pants-suit reserved for CEOs and corporate leaders. No one seemed to question the otherworldly colour of her hair, the golden laurels she used as accessories, or why she'd been served tea in a decorated china cup and saucer when the café dealt exclusively in paper containers. In fact, passerbys were hard-pressed to remember anything about the unspeakably beautiful woman. A single glance made their hearts pulse and their heads dizzy, and a fog seemed to descend over their immediate memory, leaving only the hazy afterthought that they'd witnessed a vision so stunning, so breath-taking; so beyond the scope of poetry and art and even human recollection. Whoever – whatever – they'd spied was clearly out of their league.

So it was much to the woman's irritation when the pixie-cut brunette went and plopped her butt across the table, slumming up the patio with her ripped jeans, blowing her nose in a napkin and dangling her paper bag purchase like a doggy treat.

"Sure you're not hungry? The frosted long-johns are sooo good."

A thin-lipped smile was the only acknowledgement. A definite no.

Kyu shrugged. "Suit yourself." Ripping into the bag like a birthday present, the fairy proceeded to lick and suck on her pastry in the most suggestive manner possible. Her superior waited until the distasteful display was finished before addressing her comments.

"So, you've closed the Maye file. Your manager said you had a talent for hopeless cases, Ms. Sugardust, and considering the years of bad blood between those women, I must say I'm reasonably impressed."

Her employee responded with a belch. "Kyu's fine, boss. So, ready to bump me up to those super-special-awesome advanced cases?" Her 'boss' wrinkled her lips at the faux pas and quickly moved to her next point.

"We'll discuss that in due time. While your results are conclusive, I do find your paperwork vague at best." She tapped the noticeably thin folder as evidence. "Then there's the matter of your co-worker's missing files – Ann Marie and Belrose; not to mention the reports from HR regarding misplaced equipment, and all your invoices for non-prescription medications." She steeped her fingers and put on her 'serious' face. "I would be  _very_  keen to learn the details of how you brought those two together."

To her credit, the love fairy didn't bat an eye at the accusations. "It's no big secret," she shrugged. "I just gave the Cheerleader an opportunity to walk a mile in someone else's shoes."

"Empathy. That was your secret strategy?"

Kyu winked and licked a finger free of icing. "That, and I gots me some mad acting skillz. Between you 'n me, boss, it turns out cries of passion aren't the only screams I can fake."

* * *

 

"… so after the next fish died – that's Samus VI – I just kinda put the tank on the shelf and decided I wasn't cut out for pets. … Um, Audrey, you okay?"

The history lesson was over but Audrey still couldn't collect her hanging jaw or control her bugged-out eyes. She just sat mutely, a mime enacting a tableau titled 'abject horror'.

"Oh. My. God. Have you not heard of automatic feeders? Ugh, how often were you cleaning for algae? No, on second thought, don't answer that. Forget dress shopping, kiddo; I am dragging you straight to aquarium-care boot camp!"

The sound of clattering chairs, murmuring voices and a rousing applause cut their conversation short. Nikki and Audrey glanced to the center tables where Tiffany and an older, skankier-looking Tiffany were suddenly crying and hugging while the Nutmeg customers cheered on their reunion. Audrey sent a befuddled glance Nikki's way.

"Tiff never told you anything about an older sister, did she?"

Nikki was too lost in recent memories to reply. "I know that woman…"

* * *

 

The excitement racing through Tiffany’s veins made it impossible to let go of her mother, and Jessie seemed equally determined to keep her little girl held tight in her arms. When she remembered her friends in the corner booth and they actually had to break off their embrace, they settled for walking together with arms around each other's back.

Hopes and dreams raced through Tiffany's head like a bullet train: stories she had to share, events to plan – she had to show mom her new place, they had to make a trip to the water slides for old time's sake, and Christmas was coming!  They had prep their baking list, set a decorating day and figure out a combined mother-daughter invitation list for the big party!

But first of all, introductions were in order. Clearing her throat, she swept her free arm over the girls. "These are the friends I wanted you to meet: Nikki and Audrey."

Jessie gave the duo a smile - "Pleasure to meet you, ladies," – but sent an added wink Nikki's way. "Hey, hon. Long time, no see, hmm?"

Nikki gaped and Audrey screwed up her face, the first of many bizarre reactions Tiffany was expecting.  _It won't be easy_ , she reflected. There would be disagreements, fights, and people who would try to judge her and fit her into their boxes. The porn star's daughter, the camgirl's kid.

Well, to hell with their labels. She was through playing the easy game of sorting people under shells. That English paper from term opening surfaced in her mind -  _my life as a Cinderella story -_ and she scoffed at its simple answers. She didn't need to compare her friends to characters from stories told long ago; didn't need to chart her happiness according to the tropes of old fables. The people she loved - with their kaleidoscope of passions, their finely-cut flaws and their personalities dipping in all sorts of unexpected twists and turns - were so much richer and rewarding for their complexities.  She didn't need the world's perfect fairy tale ending.

Taking a deep breath, Tiffany took the first step in plotting her own story.

"Girls, I'd like you to meet Jessie Maye, my mom."

This wasn't her 'ever after' ending.

This was her, Tiffany Isabella Maye, happily beginning anew.

_Fin_

 


	10. *Preview*

****Mission Log 1547:**

I realize the irregularity in recording at such a critical point in the mission, but I require some activity to refocus my thoughts. Even now my attention drifts to the blue planet projected on my view-screens, a sapphire crowned with polar ice and robed in swirling clouds. The resemblance is uncanny.

Tendricide. My home.

But this is no time to reminisce on a lost past. I must steel my thoughts.  " _Success arrives in waves of three."_

How odd that I find comfort in this morbid Iosian proverb. It refers to their people's sixty-six percent rate of infant mortality, but I repeat it rhythmically, transforming their wry lament to a grieving mother into a warrior's mantra.

Rondarr. On my first attempt to apprehend the poacher I was overconfident. I had captured his ship in a tractor beam and flattered myself with the efficiency of the hunt.

Then Rondarr accelerated his vessel  _into_  the beam, ramming my ship. His escape cost me a Galactic month worth of docking and repair fees.

The second time our paths crossed I was overcautious. My strategy, to disrupt and disable his ship through long-range ion lasers. The Slovarian detected my attack with time to spare and fled the system.

Times have changed. I have grown in experience and Rondarr's bounty has sufficiently inflated to warrant my attention once more. The stipulation added to his posting provides me a visceral thrill: "Wanted  _Dead_  or Alive".

His actions are predictable: it is standard practice for smugglers and poachers, after loading their shipments, to make a hyperspace jump to a dead system in order to throw off pursuit. According to Rondarr's contacts – who valued their remaining limbs over their business ventures – the Slovarian will use my present star system as his waypoint: Sol on the galactic maps.

Arriving first, my scanners found little of importance: several gas giants, a collection of dead and atmosphere-less inner planets, an asteroid belt and a wayward dwarf.

But this blue planet… This mirror image…

No. I must not dwell on a life now long past. I must mediate on this third and final pursuit, and the differences that will ensure my success.

This time I need not spare Rondarr. This time I am not so naïve as to attempt boarding and negotiations, nor so uncertain as to attempt long-range disablement. This time, my weapon tubes are loaded with  _Shi-Bessen_  Incinerator-class torpedoes, and I will make no further mistakes.

This time, I will be decisive.

Until my quarry breaks from hyperspace, I will remain here – in orbit among the blue world's craterous satellite. My weapon consoles are primed and my senses stand at full attention. I will strike, I will collect my bounty and I will forget this lone, lost world and the poisonous memories it conjures.

I am satisfied with my life, I am content in my solitude, and all fantasies otherwise are a child's foolishness.

There is no one down there for me.

* * *

_**Tiffany and her friends will return in** _

**The Bounty Hunter's Escort**

 


End file.
